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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need to have a difficult conversation with a colleague today.

545 replies

TheWifeofRequirement · 01/11/2018 07:58

I’m 6 months into a role where I’m an expert in charge of a team of slightly junior experts.

My colleague used to be a junior expert under another ‘head of’ who had the role before me, but before I was given the job my colleague took a sideways step into a facilitation role which, although requires him to have some knowledge of my area, no longer requires him to get involved in the day to day.

Anyway, since I started, this colleague has struggled to maintain distance from the specialism and is dictating to me how to do said specialism on a daily basis.

It all came to a head over the last 2 days. He asked me to proof read an email and give feedback before it went to a client. I read it, and asked him to make a minor change because he was promising something in the email I’m not prepared to deliver. It was a minor thing: basically he promised to report to them daily which would be untenable from a commercial perspective and would put pressure on my team for no additional benefit. I asked him to change this to weekly reports and adhoc check ins with the client, he argued back and I clarified that as it’s my team delivering this, it will be weekly not daily.

He sent the email promising daily reporting.

I feel patronised, undermined and really bloody cross.

His role is to facilitate, not to dictate to me how to do my job and I’m now going to have to phrase this in a way that’s diplomatic and I’m struggling.

WIBU to basically tell him to back the fuck off and let me do my job? If so, how on earth do I phrase this??

OP posts:
redexpat · 07/11/2018 20:55

Exactly the sort of update I was hoping for. Brilliantly played!

Tanith · 07/11/2018 21:04

Sounds to me like OD may have his cards well marked.

First he doesn't get your job (he wanted to move sideways, did he? I wonder whose idea that really was).

Then your boss leaves you to deal with him. I detect more than a hint of frustrated "let's see if she makes any difference to him" attitude.

Now your boss is entirely backing you and saying he's glad OD had the training.

I think your company must be sick to the back teeth of OD. He must have the hide of a rhino if he's still throwing his weight about instead of keeping his head right down and hoping to escape all management notice right now.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/11/2018 21:09

Excellent work, OP! But I agree with PP, you will need to keep an eye on this cock for a bit longer. He's going to try and upset things again, because No ONe Is Admiring His DIck. With any luck, though, it will be something that management have to sack him for but which also doesn't cause too much damage to the company or other staff.

DroningOn · 07/11/2018 21:42

Nominate for classics.

MotorcycleMayhem · 07/11/2018 21:54

Should be an interesting few weeks ahead working with OD. Definitely prep your team next, maybe in a gentler training session with cakes as to your ongoing expectations including managing additional workstreams from outside the new system you have installed (including OD obv).

Maelstrop · 07/11/2018 21:54

Ha ha, you're amazing, Wife!

Jux · 07/11/2018 22:34

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater, but surely ovaries are far more powerful pound for pound, as it were Wink

YourWinter · 07/11/2018 22:52

This has been a fantastic thread to follow. Well done OP, and to everyone who was willing and able to offer really, really great advice. MN at its best.

AlmostAlwyn · 08/11/2018 06:23

Amaaaazing! FlowersFlowersFlowers

nominate for classics!

DaisyStarburst · 08/11/2018 07:07

Best thread! Another one nominating for classics

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 08/11/2018 07:24

@Jux absolutely!

Well said that viper! Nominate for classics

LakieLady · 08/11/2018 07:31

He left the training session and went straight to our boss to complain about me and how I’d wasted his time all day, but my boss tells me he relied ‘actually I’m glad you had the training, not a waste of time at all.

Pmsl!

He must feel like an absolute twunt now, thinking he could the boss on his side and having it backfire like that. The cocky pillock now knows that the boss doesn't share his high opinion of himself. Grin

You've played a blinder, OP.

LakieLady · 08/11/2018 07:39

He's going to try and upset things again, because No ONe Is Admiring His DIck. With any luck, though, it will be something that management have to sack him for but which also doesn't cause too much damage to the company or other staff.

With a bit of luck, Wife's improved system will mean that they don't need so many staff in OD's team, and he'll dip out in the subsequent restructuring.

DaisyStarburst · 08/11/2018 09:31

If he says anything more about wasting his time, he has wasted your time by having to do this because he can't be trusted to do his job properly!

StormTreader · 08/11/2018 09:48

He's got a cheek to moan about the OP wasting HIS time when he tried to add hours of pointless work to her team for no reason!

JudyDenchsBloomers · 08/11/2018 17:35

You're actually my hero OP. Following with interest!

Pics · 08/11/2018 18:04

Thanks for the update - I have been following and cheering you on even though I haven't posted. I suspect there are many other people cheering for you who haven't posted either - you are a STAR!

OhBigHairyBollocks · 08/11/2018 20:39

All hail lady balls!!!!

MulticolourMophead · 09/11/2018 13:28

OP, I hope OD has calmed down now he knows manager is on your side.

CoraPirbright · 13/11/2018 09:20

How’s it going OP? Has OD wound his neck in?! Or have you felt the need to implement further ‘training’? Grin

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