I need to have a difficult conversation with a colleague today.

[TheWifeofRequirement]

I’m 6 months into a role where I’m an expert in charge of a team of slightly junior experts.

My colleague used to be a junior expert under another ‘head of’ who had the role before me, but before I was given the job my colleague took a sideways step into a facilitation role which, although requires him to have some knowledge of my area, no longer requires him to get involved in the day to day.

Anyway, since I started, this colleague has struggled to maintain distance from the specialism and is dictating to me how to do said specialism on a daily basis.

It all came to a head over the last 2 days. He asked me to proof read an email and give feedback before it went to a client. I read it, and asked him to make a minor change because he was promising something in the email I’m not prepared to deliver. It was a minor thing: basically he promised to report to them daily which would be untenable from a commercial perspective and would put pressure on my team for no additional benefit. I asked him to change this to weekly reports and adhoc check ins with the client, he argued back and I clarified that as it’s my team delivering this, it will be weekly not daily.

He sent the email promising daily reporting.

I feel patronised, undermined and really bloody cross.

His role is to facilitate, not to dictate to me how to do my job and I’m now going to have to phrase this in a way that’s diplomatic and I’m struggling.

WIBU to basically tell him to back the fuck off and let me do my job? If so, how on earth do I phrase this??

The training is BRILLIANT. Keep reiterating as you go through “is all of that clear?” Not “ok?” Or “do you agree?” Just if it’s clear or not.

If he fucks up again, call a “retraining” meeting to go through the slide again where he fucked up. Ask if he needs more help understanding. Give him printouts to refer to. Perhaps laminate them.

You can then keep on offering more training. So that the focus isn’t on him undermining and defying you deliberately but that he just doesn’t understand and needs more training and help to get there. Very different focus.

I think 5his is likely to continue... These arse men just cause endless problems and will do it covertly spreading poison and confusion...

In the end more time is taken up managing these appalling people... They often do little /bad work...

They don't see their role as working for the business be doing their best... Theu see it is righting the imagined slights against them...

Utterly toxic

It's always a massive relief when they leave/are sacked...

PS love the idea of laminated sheets... Perhaps show the decision pyramid /power with him in tiny letters and you in font 20

I've seen this thread popping up on active conversations all week and ignored it - just spent the last half hour reading through and am now waiting with baited breath to see how OD responds!!

OD: as you know, things have had to change quite a lot since you last worked in the xx department. It was necessary because, as you know, when you worked here, the department was running at an unsustainable deficit of around 80 hours a week.
Obviously I, and MY test have had to put in a great deal of hard work sort out such an unacceptable mess and as you know we are finally running at an acceptable profit with every expectation of that profit increasing.
One of the many reasons for this major turn around is the process I have designed, which, as you know, our MD is very pleased with.
I realise that the change must be very difficult for you to get your head around. Especially as you last worked in the department when it was making a major loss.
It was felt that you really needed extra training to get you up to speed. Let me walk you through the basics today, then maybe later, when you have had time to process them, we can progress to the level that the majority of my team are working at.
Hopefully it will help our company to move forward and make the level of progress we are all aiming for....

My TEAM not my test! Bloody predictive text 😀

Chocolateteardrops, go through the proper channels, then.

Well done OP, can't wait to hear how the training goes!!

I just want to say l think you sound amazing- your dress sense lm imagining you as an very intelligent Helen Bonham-Carter
Well done on your new role, you just need an injection of confidence. Plus a water pistol.

Just read the whole thread.
Wife you rock.

Look forward uo your update on his training. Stay strong and let him realise who is the manager and who isnt. Be prepared for all the bs he will come out with and continue to shut him down every time. Hope he comes out the meeting wondering what the hell hit him and realising you and your team are not the people with which to fuck.

Your team are lucky to have you.

You know your manager better than us. However, from an outsider’s perspective I wonder if it is not a case of not supporting you but knowing you are capable. It sounds like you have implemented sound practices. It may be that you think any idiot could see previous ways not working but they didn’t. You have clear processes. If it was that easy it would have been done before.

Agree with Riv, you need to highlight why need processes are in place. Also that training is to help him. Perhaps say that identified it seems that recent example highlights that he seems unclear. No need to go into it. Follow up training session with e-mail about what you believe it covered and saying if needs any clarification etc. So it about helping with a issue not disciplining him.

Otherwise he may flip it as you are bullying him. Think if you were a HR person how you would see it. Sounds like he is determined to undermine you so last thing you need is him making out you are a bully.

I would definitely do this F2F. I would ask him to explain his decision to override your instructions. I would tell him how disappointed you are. How you thought he... of all people would understand ...there is a cost implication of weekly updates to this client...bla bla bla.

(as he previously took a side step as a stand-in )
I would definitely insist that HE needs to resend the email to the client correcting the update to weekly & CC you too. Stay totally professional and 'do not rise to the bait'...he's probably doing this to wind you up so you will snap....then you will give him the ammunition he needs to bitch about how he should have got the job etc.. good luck. You can sort this !

Kazzer you may want to rtft or at least the OPs updates...

Strong thoughts today op.
You rock!

Training Day -1 

treacletoffee23 oh I wish I had HBC’s style.. alas, I’m far too uncool to pull that off

He’s accepted the training invite, my boss emailed me asked about it because OD emailed him and asked what it was for. I went over to him and explained it in person ‘I’m going to deliver him a commercials training session to give him a better u dersrandi g of the process now, hoping it will help him transition to the new way of working’.. boss actually chuckled and said ‘well played’. I left it at that

The training session is a great idea

Your manager so his OD number!

On the back of that OP, your boss had complete confidence in you and knew you could handle it

I hope you include the phrase "in order to be commercially viable the new..." lots and lots and lots!

I literally can't wait for you to deliver this tomorrow.

OP, you are seriously my hero!

Super High Five

Your manager is clearly loving this well done op!