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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need to have a difficult conversation with a colleague today.

545 replies

TheWifeofRequirement · 01/11/2018 07:58

I’m 6 months into a role where I’m an expert in charge of a team of slightly junior experts.

My colleague used to be a junior expert under another ‘head of’ who had the role before me, but before I was given the job my colleague took a sideways step into a facilitation role which, although requires him to have some knowledge of my area, no longer requires him to get involved in the day to day.

Anyway, since I started, this colleague has struggled to maintain distance from the specialism and is dictating to me how to do said specialism on a daily basis.

It all came to a head over the last 2 days. He asked me to proof read an email and give feedback before it went to a client. I read it, and asked him to make a minor change because he was promising something in the email I’m not prepared to deliver. It was a minor thing: basically he promised to report to them daily which would be untenable from a commercial perspective and would put pressure on my team for no additional benefit. I asked him to change this to weekly reports and adhoc check ins with the client, he argued back and I clarified that as it’s my team delivering this, it will be weekly not daily.

He sent the email promising daily reporting.

I feel patronised, undermined and really bloody cross.

His role is to facilitate, not to dictate to me how to do my job and I’m now going to have to phrase this in a way that’s diplomatic and I’m struggling.

WIBU to basically tell him to back the fuck off and let me do my job? If so, how on earth do I phrase this??

OP posts:
MyBrexitIsIll · 05/11/2018 13:47

GrinGrinGrin

What did you say at the start of this thread? That you weren’t a good manager?
I hope you’ve convinced yourself now that you are ACE!

CruCru · 05/11/2018 14:07

So how did it go?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/11/2018 14:32

Your boss thinks you’re goooood. So how about you? Feeling it yet??

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 05/11/2018 14:54

Just RTFT. I was abbot unsure of your boss after he refused to get involved, but after the chuckle incident, I think he's quite awesome. He knows what is going on, and is on your side. He just wanted you to step up and handle it yourself, because he knew you could.

Well done you and hope tomorrow is very educational for your underling.

Willow2017 · 05/11/2018 15:45

Your boss is very insightful, he had faith in you.
You totally have this.

He messed with your team and now you are doing what any goid manager would do...sorting it out

Wish I was a fly on the wall during 'training'.😀

I hope he really gets it now. If he doesnt he shouldnt be in his job.

NinjaPig · 05/11/2018 15:47

I'm far too invested in this thread . . . just coming on to find out how it all went!

ThanosSavedMe · 05/11/2018 18:02

Agree with pp’s. You’ve got this

rjay123 · 05/11/2018 20:09

Says a lot about him that he asked your boss instead of you.

forgottenusername · 05/11/2018 20:44

I've just read this for the first time, glad I've only got to wait until tomorrow for the next instalment

OP you are doing a fantastic job of dealing with this dinosaur. A training session is a stroke of genius. I'm a fairly recent new hire heavily involved in process improvement and I'm keeping notes here in my 'Playbook for New Managers'!

Good luck for tomorrow :)

Honeyroar · 05/11/2018 21:16

I want to come to this training session too! Like a fly on the wall.

Hope you're ready for him. I bet you get some eye rolling and huffing. It's good to know your boss was amused. You could always say, "I hear you asked Boss about it, he thinks it's a good idea."

twoshedsjackson · 05/11/2018 22:31

"I just have to stop you there" pretty sure it was Father Ted, when Father Dougal was wittering on; as in - "I just have to stop you there"
"Oh, why?"
" Nothing, I just have to stop you there"....
TheWife, I'll be sending out all the good vibes I can tomorrow; I am in awe of your ability to keep your cool when so sorely provoked!

Tistheseason17 · 05/11/2018 22:55

I think I kinda like your boss, too!!

Witchesbritches · 06/11/2018 00:16

FMD

I’d need way more sleep and way more coffee than I’m currently getting to stop myself from telling this absolute bellend to fuck off.

TheWifeofRequirement · 06/11/2018 09:58

It’s training time Smile

OP posts:
TrippingTheVelvet · 06/11/2018 10:03

Have fun!

BitOutOfPractice · 06/11/2018 10:06

Oh to be a fly on the wall!

ReanimatedSGB · 06/11/2018 10:07

Not placemarking for the update at allllllllll.... Good luck OP.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 06/11/2018 10:08

Enjoy!

RainbowsArePretty · 06/11/2018 10:12

Yay! Enjoy SmileCakeBrew

Wrybread · 06/11/2018 10:42

🍿

sackrifice · 06/11/2018 10:44

Placemarking for his reaction.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 06/11/2018 11:35
ButterflyWitch · 06/11/2018 11:50

Loving this thread! Keep us posted OP!!

comedycentral · 06/11/2018 12:08

Good luck today!

chickenloverwoman · 06/11/2018 12:23

How did it go?