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Original poster

DH, SIL and the football match

174 replies

Namechanger20183110 · 31/10/2018 23:18

Sorry this is long

Without being too outing, today a big football match was taking place for a team that I support, that was being televised live. I used to be a season ticket holder but can’t find the time after having DD to go to matches. Therefore I like to watch their big games on tv if they are on.

I told DH several weeks ago that he would need to put DD in bed on this day (always me that does it) as I would like to watch the build up to the game for a change. As it happens I ended up putting her to bed as she fell asleep very quickly

When we got home from work/nursery, DH said he’d spoken to his sister earlier, and that he’d asked her if she wanted to come over for dinner this evening.

I reminded him that I’d be watching the match, in the main living room (that’s the only room Sky works in) and that I was not going to be hosting/cooking. He laughed it off and said that he would cook and then sit with SIL in another room to let me watch the match in peace, as he is not into football anyway and neither is she. Fine I thought, I do like SIL and we have a good relationship. We see each other twice weekly at least as she doesn’t live far, so I don’t feel like I have to necessarily have a ‘catch up’ with her everytime she visits, and so I know she wouldn’t have a problem with this either.

Anyway, I put DD to bed, the match starts. DH and SIL are in the kitchen talking and making dinner happily. I have told them I don’t want dinner as I had a late heavy lunch so i’ll just have something light at half time.

They finish making dinner and then eat in the room I am watching tv (where we have a dining table). No problem with this, we are chatting as they eat and I watch tv, I’m not ignoring them and I’m keeping an eye on the match too, so it’s all fine.

After dinner, rather than go to the other room as planned, SIL and DH sit on the next sofa to me, and SiL starts talking about deep issues going on in her life. She starts telling us about a close family friend who has been beaten up. I am talking to her about it and being involved in the conversation, when my team score a few minutes later. As I’m half watching the screen, my instant reaction is to cheer as my SIL is in the middle of talking about this serious situation . I instantly apologised, to which she laughed and said it’s fine, I put the volume up slightly to hear the commentary to the goal, then after 20 seconds when I had seen/heard it properly, turned it back down and carried on talking to SIL and DH about the friend.

Unbeknown to me, DH has text me when I did this with “you just came across as a bellend”. I didn’t see his text until 10 minutes later, and I didn’t reply, I carried on speaking to SIL while trying to watch the match at the same time.

50 mins later (so at half time), SIL gets up to leave. We say our goodbyes. I return to the tv, DH walks in with a look of thunder on his face and says “ignoring my text then?”

I replied that the text was sent almost an hour ago and that I didn’t think it would still be bothering him, and I defended myself by saying tht I apologised to SIL for interrupting her.

He then completely dismissed what I said and called me rude, how I should care more about speaking to my SIL rather than a football team and that he will disrupt my conversations all week for me to see how it feels Confused. He made it sound like I shut her down when all I did was cheer and turn the volume up for 20 seconds.

By this point, I admit I was pretty annoyed as he was blatantly exaggerating, and snapped back that I had explicitly told him I would be occupying the tv for this match today (I rarely watch tv in the evenings) and that he had no business to invite SIL over for dinner without asking me, and then expect me to watch my match while listening to SiL telling us her life stories.

He then flipped and left the room, and we’ve not spoken since.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Troels · 31/10/2018 23:22

Your Dh is a bellend. He completly ignored what he had agreed to, he'd put the child to bed, cook for SIL and then use the other room, instead he interuppted your one game, and pissed on your evening.
He owes you big time.

Heifer · 31/10/2018 23:31

If your DH doesn't like football then he just won't understand. I used to be a big fan, would hate watching football with other people around me. You just can't get into the game if people are chatting around you. These days I just don't care so it's not a problem, although if hockey is on the tele I'm the same. Thankfully my DH and DD are into hockey so we can all watch together.
Your DH shouldn't have sat in your tv room with his sister once the match had started. Nothing wrong with him inviting her over for dinner though as it's his house too but he should have kept them both away from you.

IStandWithPosie · 31/10/2018 23:37

Tbh when it was clear they were staying in the room I’d have recorded the match and switched the TV off.

Returnofthesmileybar · 31/10/2018 23:52

No way should she have had to record it and switch it off! Your dh was the bellend here. Your only mistake was entertaining her at all, a simple "Lads the deep and meaningfuls will have to go on next door, I never book the TV and I did tonight because I was really looking forward to this" or at that replied to his text and said "No, I had plans, you tried to change them not me, I told you what I was doing, do not try act like I have done something wrong here when it's you imposing on my plans"

stargazer2030 · 31/10/2018 23:53

A match isnt like a tv programme you can watch later - the whole point is watching it live. We are the opposite in our house - it's dh who is into football and I wouldn't dream of doing this to him.

Very rude and inconsiderate of dh and sil.

IStandWithPosie · 31/10/2018 23:54

Of course you can record it and watch later! Turn off your phone so no-one spoils it for you and you’re fine.

LilMadAgain · 31/10/2018 23:59

IStand, it isn't the same at all. Are you saying you think Op should have fucked off her evening to play the good little wifey? She wanted one sodding evening to have a tiny bit of me time.
Please show your husband this thread op. He needs to know he's a wanker.

Original poster
Namechanger20183110 · 31/10/2018 23:59

@istand

If i’d recorded the first half, and some of the build up, id be more than an hour behind, so basically i wouldn’t be finished until about 10.45.
I do have a bed to go to, I know I’m awake now anyway but that’s because DH flipped at me and I can’t stop thinking about it

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechanger20183110 · 01/11/2018 00:01

Thank you for those who can see it from my point of view, as a PP has said, I rarely get tv time in the evening, and football is a big passion of mine. SIL isn’t a stranger and hadn’t travelled for miles to be here, I saw her on Tuesday! And before that it was the weekend

OP posts:
Poloshot · 01/11/2018 00:03

Dh was being a prick should have both sat and watched the match with you or he should have sat with your SIL elsewhere, you don't want to listen to that bullshit whilst you've got something to watch that you need to watch live. I'd have asked them to sit elsewhere or STFU

TheDogAteMySock · 01/11/2018 00:03

DH is in the wrong here, but I do think you should have taken responsibility for how the evening progressed. At the point they joined you after they'd eaten, I would have reminded DH and told the SIL my plans involving the TV and asked them to go to a different room. So overall you were both in the wrong, DH for ignoring your plans, but also you for having a half conversation whilst also watching tv, - that it's rude.

BackforGood · 01/11/2018 00:08

Your dh is completely in the wrong here (and I'm not one of those posters that assumes either 'all men are wrong' or 'OP is always right').

If your SiL had come round unexpectedly with a crisis and needed to talk, then it would be a completely different scenario, but that isn't what happened. You 'booked' the evening in advance, and your dh decided to spend it with his sister. All fine. He then changed the plan and interrupted your plans. IMO, you were incredibly patient in 'allowing' that. I would have said "I thought you too were going in to the other room - I know you don't like football" when they settle in with you, rather than letting them talk over the match.
It would seem the only way to sort it next time is for you to literally have to go out to the pub to watch it.

Olderbyaminute · 01/11/2018 00:09

TheDogAteMySock You are assuming the OP’s husband can be reasonable-this whole scenario he hasn’t been,he’s been selfish and inconsiderate! OP if your husband doesn’t apologize first thing this am then he’s completelg out of line

IStandWithPosie · 01/11/2018 00:11

Are you saying you think Op should have fucked off her evening to play the good little wifey?

Hmm nothing to do with being a good wifey! Her SIL was trying to have a conversation with her which OP was half partaking in and half not. That’s rude. Either stop the TV or ask SIL to stop the conversation until she can give it her full attention. Nothing to do with her husband!

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2018 00:14

He wants to do what he wants. He's not actually interested in you having interests. I think you should reinstate the season ticket and start going and leaving him to parent once in a while.

Graphista · 01/11/2018 00:15

He's out of line.

I'm not a sports fan but even I get why watching live is a "big thing" especially when it's murder avoiding spoilers these days!

You made your plans clear and have plenty of advance notice.

Frankly if I were you I'd now take the stance he screwed up and owes you AND his sister an apology.

She sounds as if she totally gets it and wasn't put out at all. As it should be.

Contrary to his "I'm gonna interrupt all your conversations" when HE next has plans for something he's really looking forward to I would be sorely be tempted to disrupt HIS plans! But then that would be petty and I suspect you'd never hear the end of it!

araiwa · 01/11/2018 00:15

Dh was being a dick

But you encouraged them by chatting to them whilst the game was on

IStandWithPosie · 01/11/2018 00:16

Also OP, I suggested to record it when it became clear they were staying in the room. By which stage the first half was already well underway according to you. They had already had time to cook the dinner and eat it after the match had already started. She left at half time so there really won’t have been that much of a delay on your viewing.

Original poster
Namechanger20183110 · 01/11/2018 00:20

Yes that’s true @istand, but if I’d pressed record and switched the tv off, she would have left a lot later than at halftime. I think she left at that point so as not to disturb me from watching the game any further and a “break” was the best time to go.

I don’t blame my SiL at all for this, she wouldn’t have accepted the dinner invite if DH had told her I’d be distracted for the evening

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechanger20183110 · 01/11/2018 00:22

“But you encouraged them by chatting to them whilst the game was on”

I know, I should have taken the stance that PPs have mentioned above and reminded DH of his original plan to take SIL in the other room..

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2018 00:24

When the world cup was on, the people that wanted to watch it watched it. The people who didn't went out and got back after the end. I'd do the same for the stupid Royal Weddings, the awful cricket and the terrible GBBO final. And I'd expect DH to do the same for Eurovision.

DH was rude. Not the OP.

greenlanes · 01/11/2018 00:26

Agree with pps above that DH is being unreasonable. He knew what you had requested and tried to disrupt that. Only you will know if that was deliberate or not.

But I would for the sake of peace speak to your SIL about it when you next see her. Perhaps suggest seeing her separately so that she can talk about her friend as that was clearly bothering her a lot. I think if you dont deal with SIL directly you will find yourself painted as the bad person in this. In law relations can be tricky at the best of times.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 01/11/2018 00:30

YABU - I think you behaved with very little empathy. It wasn't a chit chat conversation - was a bit deeper than that, and you went along with it, until it suited you. Turning the TV up, even though you had seen the goal, just compounds this. Bit self absorbed OP - you could have paused the TV / recorded it...but no.... your Footie match was more important than a family members deep issues. Uncool behaviour and your Husband has called you up on it. Yes your sister laughed and said it is OK, but I wonder if really she didn't think the same as your husband

SiL starts talking about deep issues going on in her life. She starts telling us about a close family friend who has been beaten up. I am talking to her about it and being involved in the conversation, when my team score a few minutes later. As I’m half watching the screen, my instant reaction is to cheer as my SIL is in the middle of talking about this serious situation . I instantly apologised, to which she laughed and said it’s fine, I put the volume up slightly to hear the commentary to the goal

LilMadAgain · 01/11/2018 00:34

SIL came to ops house. Op had 'scheduled' the evening for her game (I hear you all the way Op, Swanseaaaaaaaaaa). Dickwad husband (DH) knew the evening was scheduled. Both of them sit on sofa during the game, alright fair enough. DH should have gone into a different room to start with but SIL should have noticed that Op was more interested in her game and taken the hint. I'm rambling here but Op did naff all wrong.

Miscible · 01/11/2018 00:55

What strikes me particularly about this is his threat to disrupt your conversations for a week. He seriously needs to grow up, that makes him sound around 10 years old.