DH, SIL and the football match

[Namechanger20183110]

Sorry this is long

Without being too outing, today a big football match was taking place for a team that I support, that was being televised live. I used to be a season ticket holder but can’t find the time after having DD to go to matches. Therefore I like to watch their big games on tv if they are on.

I told DH several weeks ago that he would need to put DD in bed on this day (always me that does it) as I would like to watch the build up to the game for a change. As it happens I ended up putting her to bed as she fell asleep very quickly

When we got home from work/nursery, DH said he’d spoken to his sister earlier, and that he’d asked her if she wanted to come over for dinner this evening.

I reminded him that I’d be watching the match, in the main living room (that’s the only room Sky works in) and that I was not going to be hosting/cooking. He laughed it off and said that he would cook and then sit with SIL in another room to let me watch the match in peace, as he is not into football anyway and neither is she. Fine I thought, I do like SIL and we have a good relationship. We see each other twice weekly at least as she doesn’t live far, so I don’t feel like I have to necessarily have a ‘catch up’ with her everytime she visits, and so I know she wouldn’t have a problem with this either.

Anyway, I put DD to bed, the match starts. DH and SIL are in the kitchen talking and making dinner happily. I have told them I don’t want dinner as I had a late heavy lunch so i’ll just have something light at half time.

They finish making dinner and then eat in the room I am watching tv (where we have a dining table). No problem with this, we are chatting as they eat and I watch tv, I’m not ignoring them and I’m keeping an eye on the match too, so it’s all fine.

After dinner, rather than go to the other room as planned, SIL and DH sit on the next sofa to me, and SiL starts talking about deep issues going on in her life. She starts telling us about a close family friend who has been beaten up. I am talking to her about it and being involved in the conversation, when my team score a few minutes later. As I’m half watching the screen, my instant reaction is to cheer as my SIL is in the middle of talking about this serious situation . I instantly apologised, to which she laughed and said it’s fine, I put the volume up slightly to hear the commentary to the goal, then after 20 seconds when I had seen/heard it properly, turned it back down and carried on talking to SIL and DH about the friend.

Unbeknown to me, DH has text me when I did this with “you just came across as a bellend”. I didn’t see his text until 10 minutes later, and I didn’t reply, I carried on speaking to SIL while trying to watch the match at the same time.

50 mins later (so at half time), SIL gets up to leave. We say our goodbyes. I return to the tv, DH walks in with a look of thunder on his face and says “ignoring my text then?”

I replied that the text was sent almost an hour ago and that I didn’t think it would still be bothering him, and I defended myself by saying tht I apologised to SIL for interrupting her.

He then completely dismissed what I said and called me rude, how I should care more about speaking to my SIL rather than a football team and that he will disrupt my conversations all week for me to see how it feels . He made it sound like I shut her down when all I did was cheer and turn the volume up for 20 seconds.

By this point, I admit I was pretty annoyed as he was blatantly exaggerating, and snapped back that I had explicitly told him I would be occupying the tv for this match today (I rarely watch tv in the evenings) and that he had no business to invite SIL over for dinner without asking me, and then expect me to watch my match while listening to SiL telling us her life stories.

He then flipped and left the room, and we’ve not spoken since.

Who is BU?

He ruined your night on purpose. That's quite controlling.

Wow! I skipped through the thread to op's update and at first was a bit at the idea of him deliberately sabotaging, BUT then later in the same list it's CLEAR that's exactly what he was doing!

He may not follow football but I'll bet there's SOMETHING he's just as interested in that if you op were to interfere with he'd be pretty pissed off!

So turn it round on him and SAY "you doing what you did was like if I interrupted/prevented you from enjoying (his thing he particularly enjoys) how would YOU like that?! No! This is my home too, my life, I gave you PLENTY of notice and you trampled all over an event I was VERY much looking forward to. YOU in fact owe me an apology!"

To all those saying the OP is being unreasonable: turn this one on its head. Say this was about a man, who was intent on watching an important (to him) match, and his wife invited someone round who talked all the way through it, expecting him to make fucking gravy and be involved in the conversation and accused him of being rude if he was distracted.
I bet the whole world would accept that there's no way he should have interrupted his viewing.

DH texted you wile in the same room?..

Your DH is an idiot. And it is not rude, crass or insensitive to cheer when your team score regardless of the conversation, it is a natural, involuntary reaction.

And then before he stormed out of the living room after our argument, he switched off the Sky box from the mains knowing that it would take about 10 mins to re-load
He's a childish twat. Don't be , be !

Please don't try and mollify the twat. With your update on the gravy, and the Sky box, and him inviting her on a night you specifically told him you need free, he is showing his contempt for your wishes.

Turning up volume during an emotional conversation is rude. Your DH created the problem, but that was passive aggressive and escalated the issue.

I'm glad you're going to apologise to your SIL. I'd go one step further and tell her DH's reaction, with the hope that she'll tell him to stop being an idiot. If he does go ahead with his plan to interrupt your conversations don't let it get to you, just pause what you're saying, let him speak then carry on from where you left off.

You really should have thrown them out when they came into the lounge or, at least, reminded them of your plan. It reminds me of a time, a few years ago, when the Apprentice final was on. I'd actually watched the whole series and was looking forward to it. Had made sure dinner was over and done with (we usually eat late) and the animals were all away, so I could sit and watch it with a glass of wine. DP was also watching, but wasn't so bothered about it.

Our neighbour came over just as it started for a chat. He started, though, with "Oh, DW is watching that, which is why I came. I thought you'd probably be watching it too!" Why then, if he thought we'd also be watching, did he think we'd want to be interrupted?????? I sent him, and DP, back to his house and suggested his wife came to mine, mainly because we had a far bigger tv. I'd never usually be so bolshy, especially about something on the TV, but I wouldn't have been able to watch it til the next day otherwise (no WiFi at home) and it was unlikely I wouldn't have heard the result first. Plus, I'd been looking forward to it and had no interest in hearing what the neighbour had to say.

Is this a reverse?

@IStandWithPosie are you feeling okay?

You forgot the strawberisc

you were not unreasonable at all. If I don't go to a match, then at 2.30 on a Saturday I settle down to watch the scores come in. I arrange my social life around my beloved Birmingham city and unless you're a footy fan,people don't understand. I'm also unavailable Tuesday eves when we play. I often shut my curtains so people don't disturb me on the sat. Being women, people just don't get our passion (sorry if sexist)

Unless she rang him, upset about friend and wanted to talk to you, and he told you that, all of which you don't mention, then HE is in the wrong.

Football and MN don't really mix, although we did well with the world cup threads

It does make you wonder if some responses would have been different if it hadn't been football the OP was watching.

I really disagree with you here and I think you need to open your eyes to his controlling, passive aggressive behaviour.

I agree with this OP. He was sabotaging you.

Your DP was a prize cunt but tbh your SIL wasn't much better as she enabled him.

He shouldn't have gone back on your plans and tried to sabotage your evening but equally why did your SIL let him?

If my brother invited me to dinner at his house and it was clear that his DP was having an evening "off" whether that was watching a tv programme/movie/whatever then the second my DBro tried to settle us in the same room, even if his partner made no objection or chatted, then my first reaction would be "Hey DBro, your DP is enjoying X, let's go in the other room and let her enjoy it in peace without listening to us"

If, after that, we still stayed for whatever reason I would have read the room and realised now was not the time for a serious conversation and would have stuck to more light chatter. If I did want a more serious chat I would have either saved it to another time or would have explicitly asked my bro to move to the other room because I wanted to talk about something without disturbing his DP.

He was a dick and you should have called him out on it sooner. Explain to SIL and let her know that her brother compromised you both by being a dick.

As I’m half watching the screen, my instant reaction is to cheer as my SIL is in the middle of talking about this serious situation . I instantly apologised, to which she laughed and said it’s fine, I put the volume up slightly to hear the commentary to the goal

I don't care whatever your DH said he would do/he didn't do but this was bloody rude. Cheering in the middle of a serious conversation and then acting as if you had no control over it reminds me of those football fans that shout and yell and push tables over if their team loses because 'I just don't understand football' and it's their 'natural instinct'.

The football is irrelevant. If I said to DH "I want to book Tues night to watch this film I've been looking forward to", and he pulled this I would be furious. He clearly tried to sabotage by inviting a guest.

I think the DH was unreasonable. If it had been Manchester United, then objecting would have been fair, in my view, but as it was not, then unfair.

Hope it will not be an issue when the 1/4 finals are played.

Every single bit of his behaviour was designed to push at your boundaries and force you into giving up the night you had planned for yourself. Are you really happy to live with someone so manipulative OP?

I had read as far as a post that had quoted me which I was responding to. That post was made before the OPs post with more information.

I did read all her posts, that’s how I saw the dripfeed.

You do realise that those two statements contradict each other, don't you? You very obviously didn't read all the OP's posts before posting the comment that was demonstrably incorrect, and which you would have known was incorrect had it occurred to you to make sure that you were completely up to date first.

Do you know you sound like a person who is a twat who thinks they’re smart when you write personal attacks in a way to avoid being deleted. Everyone sees right through that. Even HQ. Don’t worry though, I won’t report, I’m happy for your name calling to be seen by everyone.

Oh, dear. Adrian Mole lives. Or is 14 and a half too mature?

You do realise that those two statements contradict each other, don't you?

No they don’t. I clearly saw the dripfeed after I had responded to the person who quoted me. There is a whole post from another poster between my first post and the one saying I had seen the dripfeed.

You very obviously didn't read all the OP's posts before posting the comment

Yes, that’s exactly right. I hadn’t read all the OPs post before posting that comment. I read it after I had posted. And then I posted again to say I had seen the dripfeed. Keep up.

Not sure what your last post is about. Immaturity? From the poster performing linguistic Gymnastics to call someone a twat?

Off topic but this is why I never understand how ‘open plan’ living is so popular?

You and me both @Ragwort - I often shout at Kirsty and Phil that they'd be daft to knock all the walls down

OP Your last post will surely have now convinced anyone who was previously on the fence, or even defending your dh. He really has issues.

That it was football is irrelevant.

It could have been the last episode of Bodyguard, or a Peppa Pig episode, anything. The point is that it was important to the OP and had been planned and agreed ages in advance.