Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:
Catsinthecupboard · 31/10/2018 20:57

If there are CF awards, please forward her address to mumsnet officials bc she wins hands down. Maybe even not annual but lifetime CF Award.

PawneeParksDept · 31/10/2018 21:01

@Catsinthecupboard

Definitely annual, but lifetime is the Mexican House Thief.

PTA CF is also up there in all time

Kingk1 · 31/10/2018 21:13

You are not over reacting, your Dd should ring ur friend and tell her change of venue . Charge her the same quoted and cool your relationship with her. She is selfish and inconsiderate!

LabradorMama · 31/10/2018 21:20

Just when you think you’ve seen the worst ever CF thread ... wow. How brutally inconsiderate and cheeky of your ‘friend’ !!

NotANotMan · 31/10/2018 21:27

So while each girl was having their makeup done what would the others be doing? Would she have been hosting them at your house? Making a mess and everything? What a cow!

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 31/10/2018 21:44

Perhaps the plan was to have other girls being dropped off and collected in sequence rather than all in one go. But even in that scenario your 'friend' has been massively unreasonable. Presumably the party girl would be there with her mother at the very least, and friends coming and going from your house - I can't believe your 'friend' thought this was ok!

Very glad to hear that you will not be hosting the event at your house.

Tistheseason17 · 31/10/2018 21:53

Pants outcome, OP.
I do actually think your DD1 is being professional to still do it, and good job at full price.

Don't think much of your "friend"..

Cherrysherbet · 31/10/2018 22:00

I am genuinely so shocked at what I'm reading. What a fucking bitch. Who does that sort of thing?

That is a very good reason right there, to tell her what you think of her, and tell the selfish cow to fuck right off.
Unbelievable.

Sb74 · 31/10/2018 22:09

I’d sack the so called “friend” off. Very cruel and insensitive. Not a friend.

DieBabySharkDie · 31/10/2018 22:29

Wow. Just RTFT... what a total cunt.

Chucky16 · 31/10/2018 22:54

I do hope that this nasty piece of work is now an ex friend!
Cannot believe the cheek of her. I feel so sorry for dd2 and hope that there is no backlash at school.

James2002 · 31/10/2018 23:52

This is a really nasty thing to do, how someone can leave a child out like that and think it's ok is beyond me! I mean really?? How does she think your dd is going to feel watching from the sidelines while they are all having fun. Your "friend" is not a friend at all, l personally would end this friendship. I hope your dd is okay and maybe you can do something nice together.

Friendlylynn · 01/11/2018 02:42

Am I reading this right or just confused over the details?
The original story was that the older Sister was doing makeup for a group of preteens at her home, before they went to a party, because she assumed that her younger Sister was invited to the friends party.
Then you find out that the younger Sister is not invited to either the make up session or the party and will be either at home seeing all this around her but not joining in, or out with her Mother instead.
Then the OP realises that not only is her youngest Daughter not invited, but that the oldest Daughter is expected to make up a group of excited girls and also supervise them, at the same time and possibly give them food and drink as well.
So if the youngest Daughter and her Mother had gone out for the day, they would undoubtedly have returned to a very untidy dirty house, with hand prints every where and mess and a very stressed and tired older Daughter who would have felt used, all done to please a person who is not showing any caring or concern for any one except herself, her Daughter and getting a bargain.
I would not be wanting to spend any time with that so called friend in the future.

Mummyof0ne · 01/11/2018 03:05

Wouldn’t it be better for your daughter to go
To her house? Why have the mess in your home?

MrDonut · 01/11/2018 04:25

I don’t think that’s correct Friendlylynn

The party mum was going to be there the whole time. The other girls were being dropped off. I really don’t think there was any expectation from the party mum of babysitting or refreshments.

ittooshallpass · 01/11/2018 06:28

So during the, at least, 2 hours of make-up, not one person would ask for a drink, use the loo or help themselves to tv or magazines while waiting....

Party girls CF mother was going to sit quietly with girls....?

OP this friend of yours is awful. Her excuses are pathetic. She knows exactly what she's doing. Tell DD1 to cancel. It won't harm her business as putting makeup on 11 year olds isn't part of her business plan.

NotANotMan · 01/11/2018 06:43

The party girls would have needed entertaining. Even if the party mum was responsible for that host mum would have ended up providing some involvement not least clearing up mess.

Loopytiles · 01/11/2018 07:15

Presumably OP (not her adult DD1) is the homeowner/tenant, so able to decide who could visit her home, which her friend (and DD1) ignored.

Bugbabe1970 · 01/11/2018 08:59

I’m sorry OP but you have handled this all wrong. All you had to do was tell friend that you aren’t happy to host the make up session at your home with a bunch of unsupervised 11 year olds so if she wants your daughters services then it’ll have to be at her home. No need to be passive aggressive or emotional, it is what it is.
It’s a life lesson for your girls and an ideal opportunity for you to teach them not to let people walk all over you.
Grow some balls

Tweez · 01/11/2018 09:06

YANBU and I certainly would tell your ‘friend’ what this situation has left you all with. She must realise this and I certainly wouldn’t want her to then back track and invite your youngest daughter when you confront her as it would be too late. Why should you have to put up with this? I’m afraid you will need to let her know it’s not happening, if you want a happy outcome.

MrDonut · 01/11/2018 10:29

The OP said it was just the party girl and a few of her friends getting their make up done, not all the girls going to the party.

The OP already said that they have decided to do the make up at party girl's house. Her DD1 will get paid as agreed.

I just don't see this as a huge deal.

Disappointing for DD2 not to be invited, but it seems they weren't close friends anyway.

timeisnotaline · 01/11/2018 10:42

It is very thoughtless of friend, it is obviously not the same as having dd1s usual clients over for dd2, you’d have to be an idiot to think that. You won’t forget in a hurry how she would be ok treating your dd2.
I can see why dd1 is still doing it although of course not at your house, in future she should highlight assumptions clearly (ie that dd2 is invited) , backing out without having done this up front is unprofessional unfortunately.

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 01/11/2018 10:44

@Bugbabe1970 what are you talking about?

The OP has not been passive aggressive or emotional.

She said that the make up wouldn't be happening at her house way back on page 2

OP says her DD1 has decided to honour the booking (at party house) because she wants to maintain a professional reputation.

Nothing passive aggressive about any of the OP's responses or actions.

caringcarer · 01/11/2018 11:06

DD1 should get back to your friend and say it is not possible to do makeup at her home as her sister will be there but agree to do it at friends house.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 01/11/2018 11:15

This is a party for 11 year olds so I am guessing they are all in year 6. Party mum does not have to see op again after July next year when they all go up to year 7 and start walking themselves to school.

My partner has turned down work. He's even driven to the property and said no I am not touching it. He has never lost work the contract he signed up to is constantly calling him but its his gas safe not theirs. He has more to lose than them. Its easy to make yourself toxic.

If DD1 goes and puts makeup on DD2's school friends at the party what will the other parents think of her. They will question why she took the job is she desperate for money and is her business not doing so well. Why is DD2 not here and she is. She may come across looking desperate and money grabby. The beauty industry is saturated she could make herself toxic as there are plenty of other makeup artists out there who they can hire.

If she wants to get into kids party makeup this is not the best way to start.