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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:
woollyheart · 31/10/2018 18:57

DD1 will be hosting a children's party in her/your home. She should insist children come in singles or twos, or adult should accompany them. Or revert to original offer at their home.
There can't be a discount because 'it is more convenient' for dd1 when it involves dd1 entertaining a gang of excited children.

winobaglady · 31/10/2018 19:00

Not RTFT, but assuming your DD1 has been hired to do the make up, I can only guess that CF friend will be there too, to look after the kids?

After all, your DD1 price does not including hosting. So who will provide the girls with drinks, are they expecting snacks? Who will tidy up?

Why not send CF friend a message telling her she will need to use plastic cups if she's thinking of providing drinks. Also, perhaps CF friend would like to stay later to tidy up afterwards?

Where are the girls going to be when not getting made up? Who will be entertaining and looking after them?

Nanasueathome · 31/10/2018 19:00

So is it still going ahead at your house OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2018 19:01

she only hired her because she’s a makeup artist not because she’s my daughter/dd2’s sister and because dd2 is used to having clients in the house.

What a pack of lies. She hired your dd1 precisely because she’s your daughter to get mates rates. She thought about the situation with your dd2 not being invited and decided to omit to tell you/dd2. From this I would deduce she figured it would work in her favour. Yes, your dd2 is used to having adult clients in her home, not a screaming bunch of 11 and 12 yos, who form part of her friendship group.

Your dd1 offered to babysit these preteens precisely because she thought you and your dd2 would be on hand to distract the girls, keep them in line and help out. She was already offering your cf friend a massive favour even without expecting you all to host them sans party invitation.

If this woman has the audacity to say something about the situation, this is the line I would be using.

moofolk · 31/10/2018 19:02

Check first. She may have not written her name as she's 'obviously' invited. This has happened a few times (thread a while back about a wedding invite?!)

Otherwise yep, if DD2 not invited the mum is a 100% absolute CF.

moofolk · 31/10/2018 19:03

Oh ok didn't RTFT.

CF and YANBU

Pfingstrose · 31/10/2018 19:04

I'm shocked, I really thought it would turn out to be a misunderstanding and that DD2 had been invited all along 😱

Presumably it's no longer taking place at your house though?

Ohheyyy · 31/10/2018 19:10

Cheekiest fucker I've heard of on here for a while.

Definitely needs to be told it's not being hosted at your house, your poor DD.

Inertia · 31/10/2018 19:15

It can’t possibly take place at your house!

Perhaps DD1 could discover that her business insurance doesn’t cover her for hosting children, and move the makeup back to CF house.

N2986 · 31/10/2018 19:28

I'd just message her and say "sorry X, dd1 can't do the make up here because I've got something else on that day. She's happy to do it at yours, for the original price of course. Let me know asap what works for you xxx"

No drama and no backlash on your DD from the other girls

Original poster
upsideup · 31/10/2018 19:39

Definately not happening at our house, will be the original/higher price at friends house.
I think I got the dropping them off here bit wrong though. Friend was planning to come and stay here while they got their makeup done and it was the other kids that were going to be dropped off here by their parents and picked up to be taken to the actual party.

OP posts:
Hazardswan · 31/10/2018 19:57

Had the thread on watch. Better outcome but your friend is still a CF!

HannahnotAgnes · 31/10/2018 20:11

Your friend really is vile - do you see the friendship surviving this?

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 31/10/2018 20:14

Friend is a CF. it is beyond that she would consider asking for a further discount for it to be down at yours when your DD2 wasn’t invited.

For the sake of one invite and having sort a further discount your ‘friend’ is a highly CF. I don’t think she’s a friend at all.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 31/10/2018 20:17

Jesus what a cf.

It’s a tough one for your dd1. A bad review or malicious shit spread about her could do her business some serious damage. So I’d let her do the make up the friends house. Be polite. Job done. Then cut all contact. I couldn’t call someone like that a friend.

SayNoToCarrots · 31/10/2018 20:27

That woman is a stone cold bitch.

MissesBloom · 31/10/2018 20:29

Please tell me this isnt still going ahead in your home? You absolutely should not be taking dd2 out so she doesnt get in the way of their party. It's her home Angry I would struggle to want to speak to the women ever again after this.

On top of this she expects mates rates plus further discount to come to yours Shock absolute Cf.

I'd expect dd1 to change this booking to the woman's house immediately, and id sever the tie with cf afterwards. If she doesnt get that what she was proposing was insensitive at best to your dd, she is no friend.

MissesBloom · 31/10/2018 20:33

Sorry just read the previous update Blush

Even if she was accompanying them she still didn't give a shit about your dd who would have been sat there watching all the girls getting ready wondering where her invite was. Makes my blood boil.

Leapfrog44 · 31/10/2018 20:46

This is simply impossible! She's either a total bitch or there is a misunderstanding somewhere

SpiritedLondon · 31/10/2018 20:49

I think you’ll find that your indemnity insurance ( or some other important sounding insurance) doesn’t cover hordes of kids in your house - might that work as a get out clause? As an aside I would query why your DD would charge LESS for hosting at yours? Surely you would charge a premium for having people ( whether adults or children) tramping around. Unless of course you have a purpose built facility at your house. Irrespective of whether there are adults supervising or not it is not appropriate- it’s just not!

Crazyunicornlady · 31/10/2018 20:50

Your friend has been heartless and your DD1 a bit naive in making an assumption. It would be unfair to hold the party at your house on account of DD2s feelings.

You said DD2 and the other child are friends by ‘default’ due to your friendship and at 11 it’s probable that they have their own friendship groups instead. If DD2 had a party would the other girl be invited?

dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 20:50

Friend was planning to come and stay here while they got their makeup done and it was the other kids that were going to be dropped off here by their parents and picked up to be taken to the actual party.

That's still not so fucking on it's unreal. What a bitch!

This is a big lesson to all of you! For your DD1, no more mixing business with pleasure. Take an assertiveness course and get some better business acumen so you learn how to sniff out CFers and head them off diplomatically (and don't take their business).

For you, you're the one who shows your kids how to let others treat them. This woman isn't a friend. She's a CF bitch who took the piss out of you and your DD1. After this is over, just cut her off. Ghost her. You don't own her FA. She's a total disgrace.

SpiritedLondon · 31/10/2018 20:53

She didn’t just happen to chose your DD because she was a make up artist - if that was the case she wouldn’t have asked about mates rates.

SimplyPut · 31/10/2018 20:55

Sadly she's no friend 

shadypines · 31/10/2018 20:56

Wowee, your friend (?) has taken thoughtlessness to a whole new level. Shock

YANBU