My sister has been diagnosed with a rare cancer that has a poor prognosis. We are very close and I love her very much. Our children attend the same school.
When she was diagnosed I immediately took time off work to be with her. In doing so I was forced to give a short and confidential explanation to a colleague (I simply said a member of my family was very unwell and she had small children I needed to assist with).
A few days later a parent at the school emailed my sister to see if she was “sick” as they had heard “on the grapevine” that I had an unwell family member. My beautiful and private sister was devastated by the thought of a “grapevine” in process, more so as she had not yet told her own children.
I was mortified and knew immediately it was my colleague who had spread the rumour. I confronted him and he immediately and unequivocally apologised. He is a good person and I forgave him. He spoke to the other couple who had emailed my sister.
That couple have not apologised, in fact they behave as though they are somehow aggrieved. They avoid my gaze at the school gate and are otherwise oblivious. I can’t move past it. I love my sister, she is gentle and dignified. She wants me to let it go because she can’t bear attention or conflict. But I find myself loathing this couple and wishing them ill. The feelings are overwhelming and perhaps are displaced grief. But what should I do? Confront the couple? Ask for an apology? Ignore and avoid?
I would appreciate opinions please to help me overcome these feelings and focus on my sister.
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
Adored sister and gossipy school gate
LisbethM · 30/10/2018 10:24
I'm not so sure the colleague is a 'good person' if he immediately started spreading your confidential news. It could be displaced anger towards him. He is the one at fault here. I'd try to ignore the couple.
If you have this sort of situation to deal with in future (God forbid), perhaps you could say 'they' instead of 'she'. It might put them off the scent a bit.
Best wishes to your sister. 
My colleague is a lawyer. Confidentiality is next to godliness. I don’t lie to my colleagues or “come up with excuses”. I am honest. And I expect privacy and respect.
So why aren't you angry with them? Clearly they don't share your views about confidentiality.
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide and best wishes to your sister. 
I think there are different things going on here. You are understandably very upset about your sister’s illness, and I am very sorry that she is so unwell.
You have had a confidence betrayed, which is pretty shabby, and you are hurt and angry about that. The man responsible has apologised, which has diffused your feelings of (justifiable) anger towards him, but the tactless, thoughtless pair who contacted your sister have not apologised and are acting like the aggrieved party.
Well I think feeling very angry is reasonable here ! What a stupid and insensitive thing to do. I think they’ve been caught out and are acting huffily as a defensive strategy.
Part of your anger might be because you have been rendered helpless in this passing on of information, just as you are helpless in the face of your sister’s illness. I agree with prior posters that you need to try not to give it too much headspace, save your energy for yourself and your family now. You could say something to the couple concerned if you wanted to get it off your chest, but it won’t make things any easier for you or your sister. Sadly the best course of action is to rise above it, keep a dignified presence, and just focus on supporting your sister. I’m sure anyone else who knows that they emailed your sister in such an intrusive way will be horrified.
You are totally justified in feeling ragey, but perhaps for your own sake you need to let the rage out in other ways (physical activity ? Punching a pillow? ) , and ignore them.
Hi OP some people like the drama of an illness, they love to make themselves look helpful and oh so kind, then talk about it to EVERYONE. It's aggravating and annoying. On top of that they ruined a nice day with your sister and spending quality time with her will feel so important to you now. You have every right to be angry.
Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about them, either a) ignore and move on or b) fake friendly over the top, passive aggressive and bitchy in manner.
As someone who has been in a similar situation I did option b... it has not made me a better person or the bigger one 
You sound lovely and caring and i have every faith that you'll be a better person then me 
How horrible, OP, I really feel for you. Their behaviour may be explained by what your colleague said to them, if I understood correctly he “spoke to them” after their email? Maybe they’re embarrassed/want to apologise but think, based on what they now know, it’s best not to bother you or approach you at this difficult time. Especially as they clearly put their foot (feet?) in it with the email.
Tbh it does sound like they’re just gossips, but it’ll be better for your mental health to try not to ascribe bad motives to people. I’d not email them, personally, as that will
invariably prolong any discussion etc. As difficult as it is, try to focus on your sister, her children, spending happy times together (maybe another day out to make up for the one that was spoilt?), and ignore the idiots of this world.
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You sound like a very sweet person chicatoo!!! I certainly do not want to chat and have coffee with these people!! I want to purge my rage. But it is a credit to you that your suggestions are so kind
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