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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end friendship over

168 replies

Littlejayx · 29/10/2018 18:25

Everything to do with our children being made into a competition?

My best friend and I have lived very close to each other since we were teeny and have just happened to do everything at the same time, buy houses, meet partners, buy cars etc etc. She has always made comparisons to EVERYTHING.

For example, I bought my first car (ford ka ugly purple colour) was as proud as punch as I had saved for months and months, she got a brand new bmw (on finance) then my car was for ‘peasants’ (jokey but still hurt my tiny fragile soul)

My partner has a manual job (works bloody hard and I’m super proud) , hers in finance (also very good job) bring about the same money but DP is ‘rough’

My house is a end terrace and quirky and we saved (while I was pregnant living with mother in law) quickly for it. My friend says we bought a shit house and she doesn’t like it and hers is more classy.

Weddings, I chose small (tiny family many dramas) it was my taste she said it was nothing to hers and I should have put more money into it

All this pisses me off, but I know what she’s like and this is just how she handles her issues by taking it out on other people. I love her apart from all this competition.

BUT

our babies have four months between them, my daughter is my world, but still isn’t the best sleeper and still breastfeeds so the sleep deprivation is stressing me out.

As a friend I would expect abit of love, I just get ‘My daughter has slept through since 3 months’ ‘you always have the worse luck’

My daughter started walking at 14 months and I was over the moon, hers at 10 I was super proud of them both and cried (over emotional) when I saw them walking together. ‘See MY daughter is a lot cleverer and advanced’

My daughter is very chatty, hers not so much ( every child does things different times!) apparently that’s not as important as physical attributes 😩. And my daughter is behind.

She also won’t take her daughter to her assessments because ‘there’s no point she will smash them’

How do I tell her that I don’t want this part of our lives to be like this too?!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 29/10/2018 18:27

She sounds like a right twat. Why are you friends with her?

She sounds hugely jealous. I'd back off.

Thehop · 29/10/2018 18:28

I’m sorry I would distance myself

Honeypickle · 29/10/2018 18:29

She actually said to your face that you have a shit house? And slagged off your wedding? Get rid of her. She’s not a friend and you certainly don’t need her in your or your daughter’s lives.

Emilizz34 · 29/10/2018 18:29

Your friend sounds insecure and jealous of you . Her behaviour and attitude towards you , your dh and dd sounds very nasty and I’m not sure how you would consider her to be a friend .
You sound lovely by the way and don’t deserve to be treated like this .

Jayfee · 29/10/2018 18:30

Friends are supposed to make us feel good about ourselves, to be on our side.

RogerBannister · 29/10/2018 18:33

Your ‘friend’ is not a friend, she’s a cow. Rid yourself of her negativity and I guarantee you will feel better for it. I also guarantee that your other friends like you a whole lot more than they like her. Ditch the bitch and feel the weight disappear from your shoulders!

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 29/10/2018 18:34

Slowly start to distance yourself, for both your own sake and your daughters. Her child is going to grow up with the same comparison mindset and there is no reason to allow this to continue. Friends like this suck, I know comparisons happen all the time in friendships and especially between new parents but the constant putting/talking down
and one upmanship she's trying to engage you in isn't good for your mental health. Try joining a mum and baby group or interest groups/library classes or spending time with work colleagues instead. Don't stop being her friend, just make sure she's not the only friend you have and that you have friends that build you up and that you build up in return as well Smile

Shockers · 29/10/2018 18:35

Do you want your daughter to grow up hearing that sort of crap?

Unicornandbows · 29/10/2018 18:36

Have a firm conversation tell her all that you have wrote and if she continues well then she's a twat really.

She means a lot to you and these factors are the bits you dislike about the relationship and if you can't openly have this conversation with her then are you really good friends after all?

You have a few choices avoid convo and distance. Have convo and see where it goes. Continue as is.

Wish you all the best op x

emss55 · 29/10/2018 18:37

OMG she sounds a nightmare not a friend get rid. Why would a friend slag of your house, car, wedding and child???? Friends are meant to make you feel good. An afternoon with her sounds insufferable. I certainly would not accept her behaviour.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 29/10/2018 18:37

Jesus, why are you putting yourself through that?
You are not doing your daughter any favours either, those traits are likely to be passed to her daughter too and that's not an environment i would wish to cultivate for my child,even though utterly days yet.

spacepoodle · 29/10/2018 18:39

This person is a dick.

ChasedByBees · 29/10/2018 18:40

I think you should distance yourself too. I feel you won’t though, so could you write her a letter (similar to your OP?)

If she continues, she will damage your child.

Funnyface1 · 29/10/2018 18:42

Just back right off for your own sake. You really don't need any of that crap. Sounds like she's insecure and only feels good if she's putting people down.

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/10/2018 18:42

Why would you tell her? Seriously she is a cunt! Cut her loose, you'll better for it. If you feel you want to say it just turn out sharply and firmly next time and say "Right, this stops NOW! Lord knows why I've put up with this shit for so long, you have the better car, house, husband, wedding, I get it, you think you are better than me but like fuck am I going to let you start on my daughter too. Get out of my house and unless you can behave like a decent person do both bother coming back at all"

You have let her make shit of you, your life, your choices, even your husband for fuck sake, you need to stop being a complete walkover

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 29/10/2018 18:43

*early days

FabulouslyFab · 29/10/2018 18:43

She probably doesn’t realise that she’s doing it. Call her out and see if she changes.

CrazyOldBagLady · 29/10/2018 18:43

She sounds like a right horror. Do you benefit in any way from this friendship?

altiara · 29/10/2018 18:48

She is NOT a friend! I can only echo what everyone else said. She actually sounds really nasty to you. I’m surprised you can’t see it. Don’t expose your precious DD to her. Her DD will be growing up with the same attitude so don’t even pretend they’ll friends.

NonaGrey · 29/10/2018 18:49

Let me see if I have this right...

She openly criticise someone your car, your home, your wedding, your DH and now your daughter....

But you love her?? Confused And are worried you might be unreasonable??

I’d have dumped her years ago, I’d certainly have shown her the door as soon as she called my DP “rough”.

This isn’t anything approaching friendship.

FlippinNora1 · 29/10/2018 18:49

I think you have the wrong idea about friendships. They are supposed to enhance your life, not make you feel shit.

You can either take the bull by the horns and tell her how she makes you feel. Or, if you think it will land on deaf ears, distance yourself - and fast. Your kids don’t need that sort of crap going on around them.

Agustarella · 29/10/2018 18:50

You sound like somebody who tends to make very wise decisions, this "friend" aside!

I really like the Ford Ka and would definitely get one (used, for cash, no finance) if I could actually drive! I like the relative simplicity of it, no computerised parts etc, thus cheap to maintain. According to my ex anyway. Actually he got a lot of stick for the car too - he was an accountant and the office cleaners had posher cars than him! But I was proud of him for not wasting money on silly things, and for having no debt.

Original poster
Littlejayx · 29/10/2018 18:55

Thank you I think sometimes I just think I’m being abit sensitive, she has gone through lots of bad times recently lots of problems at hone so I thought she might need this as her thing to cope with it.
but I don’t have many other friends and don’t want to throw away 20 years of friendship.

I may write a letter like you suggest, i don’t want to live like this.

I do love her daughter I really do but it’s the dread I get when ever they come round, I know she’s going to start.
Today was ‘ I can’t believe you are putting her in nursery already it’s cruelty’ ‘babies don’t need socialising until they are 3’ she goes 3 mornings a week so I can go to college as I don’t have family that can help, but she does 😩

OP posts:
Bumbledop · 29/10/2018 18:56

I would slowly distance myself if I were you. This is unlikely to stop and if the girls go to school together it will only get worse, trust me I’ve been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour.

Weathermonger · 29/10/2018 18:59

Friends aren't supposed to make you feel bad about yourself or your choices or your husband or your daughter or your house. She isn't a friend.