WIBU to end friendship over

[Littlejayx]

Everything to do with our children being made into a competition?

My best friend and I have lived very close to each other since we were teeny and have just happened to do everything at the same time, buy houses, meet partners, buy cars etc etc. She has always made comparisons to EVERYTHING.

For example, I bought my first car (ford ka ugly purple colour) was as proud as punch as I had saved for months and months, she got a brand new bmw (on finance) then my car was for ‘peasants’ (jokey but still hurt my tiny fragile soul)

My partner has a manual job (works bloody hard and I’m super proud) , hers in finance (also very good job) bring about the same money but DP is ‘rough’

My house is a end terrace and quirky and we saved (while I was pregnant living with mother in law) quickly for it. My friend says we bought a shit house and she doesn’t like it and hers is more classy.

Weddings, I chose small (tiny family many dramas) it was my taste she said it was nothing to hers and I should have put more money into it

All this pisses me off, but I know what she’s like and this is just how she handles her issues by taking it out on other people. I love her apart from all this competition.

BUT

our babies have four months between them, my daughter is my world, but still isn’t the best sleeper and still breastfeeds so the sleep deprivation is stressing me out.

As a friend I would expect abit of love, I just get ‘My daughter has slept through since 3 months’ ‘you always have the worse luck’

My daughter started walking at 14 months and I was over the moon, hers at 10 I was super proud of them both and cried (over emotional) when I saw them walking together. ‘See MY daughter is a lot cleverer and advanced’

My daughter is very chatty, hers not so much ( every child does things different times!) apparently that’s not as important as physical attributes 😩. And my daughter is behind.

She also won’t take her daughter to her assessments because ‘there’s no point she will smash them’

How do I tell her that I don’t want this part of our lives to be like this too?!

I would be distancing myself from her, she isn't your friend at all.

If it was a one off snappy comment after you'd been boasting about how great your life is I could understand/forgive it but what she's doing is awful.

I've got some friends going through terrible things and yet they've never spoken to any of their friends like this.

And I've had worries about my DC's development and never even thought of saying anything rude about another child's development.

It's cruel.

Well done op. Let’s hope your friend sorts herself out now

It sounds like you pitched your comments just right if she felt able to be honest with you about why she does it. I hope that she takes some time for some much-needed introspection and realises that she has a good friend in you and that she should value your friendship enough to consider your words and make an effort to maintain it. Someone who loves her enough to be honest is worth all the empty comparisons in the world.

You know what? The way you behaved today, the things you said and how you said them have probably proved you to be the best friend she has ever had.

You know the saying "If your best friend cant tell you then who can?" ? You encapsulated that today. If she doesnt come back immediately then that is no reflection on you, but I suspect that she will eventually find some peace and your words will have helped her get there and your friendship will recover.

I am happy to take back what I wrote on this thread earlier (basically, bin the bitch off) because I was wrong and you handled it wonderfully.

You know what? The way you behaved today, the things you said and how you said them have probably proved you to be the best friend she has ever had

This is true. I only tell truths like that to people whose friendships I value. Unfortunately they don't always see it like that.

I'm impressed by her answer and think there are the seeds for a stronger friendship there.

Well done you. She obviously has quite deep seated problems. I think you handled it in an entirely appropriate manner and given a bit of time, she'll realise what a good friend you are.

Oh I couldn't be doing with all nonsense.
Id never compare kids anyway. To me Its impossible to do so. Some walk quicker, talk quicker are out of nappies quicker..
Like when they're older some are excellent readers while others might be excellent at numeracy creativity work or sports.

Well handled OP.

You've done the right thing. She swiftly found excuses though didn't she?
It turned it into a 'poor me' conversation pretty quick.
Make sure she doesn't play the victim now or find a new way to get at you... 'You're so unsupportive littlejay, you don't understand my problems' Blah Blah.

Well done for having that difficult conversation!

I had a friend who just dropped me after 15 years, it really hurt. She could have talked to me.

Well done, you really are a fantastic friend. YOu approached it in a very mature way, and it seems as though life isen't that rosy for her, and she is deeply insecure. People who compare their life with others, usually are.

I think she just has a good excuse at the moment. You've said she's always been like this, so what were her excuses all the other times?

And turning on the waterworks makes you soften towards her. People don't change, and this is such a big part of her personality, I doubt it will be long before it starts back up again, possibly a little more subtle at the beginning, but I hope you don't let her get away with it.

these little competitions and comparisons are affecting our friendship, It doesn’t stop I won’t be here to help you through all this

Well said, OP. But stay firm. Don't let her turn on the tears to get your sympathy, and then in a couple of weeks it all starts up again

I honestly know I can be too nice sometimes, I was brought up by my Grandparents and they always showed compassion before anything else

She has text me asking if we can go to dinner just us no kids so we can have a proper talk, I know she’s sat and thought about her actions and I’m hoping for a change in her.

I don’t like this drama in my life so hopefully it’s back to normal soon ☺️

Well done, hopefully she can change, you might still need to pull her up in it if she starts again as it sounds like a lifetime habit that she'll find hard to just stop. If she does start just be blunt and say oh god don't start that comparison shit again 😁

Good luck with the dinner.

Very well done OP.

By all means have the dinner together and see if the friendship can continue.... BUT......she will probably lapse back into this awful habit she has to big her life up by denigrating yours.

Don't let future slights pass unnoticed. You will have to pull her up on it every single time, which will be tiresome and wearying. She has got into a hard habit to break and no-one would blame you if you decided that she is just too much hard work and hurtful.

I still think she would slip into criticising your child to big up hers. AS I posted earlier, you can choose to be someone's emotional punch bag, but please don't leave your child at her mercy.

Lovely update! 😁