WIBU to end friendship over

[Littlejayx]

Everything to do with our children being made into a competition?

My best friend and I have lived very close to each other since we were teeny and have just happened to do everything at the same time, buy houses, meet partners, buy cars etc etc. She has always made comparisons to EVERYTHING.

For example, I bought my first car (ford ka ugly purple colour) was as proud as punch as I had saved for months and months, she got a brand new bmw (on finance) then my car was for ‘peasants’ (jokey but still hurt my tiny fragile soul)

My partner has a manual job (works bloody hard and I’m super proud) , hers in finance (also very good job) bring about the same money but DP is ‘rough’

My house is a end terrace and quirky and we saved (while I was pregnant living with mother in law) quickly for it. My friend says we bought a shit house and she doesn’t like it and hers is more classy.

Weddings, I chose small (tiny family many dramas) it was my taste she said it was nothing to hers and I should have put more money into it

All this pisses me off, but I know what she’s like and this is just how she handles her issues by taking it out on other people. I love her apart from all this competition.

BUT

our babies have four months between them, my daughter is my world, but still isn’t the best sleeper and still breastfeeds so the sleep deprivation is stressing me out.

As a friend I would expect abit of love, I just get ‘My daughter has slept through since 3 months’ ‘you always have the worse luck’

My daughter started walking at 14 months and I was over the moon, hers at 10 I was super proud of them both and cried (over emotional) when I saw them walking together. ‘See MY daughter is a lot cleverer and advanced’

My daughter is very chatty, hers not so much ( every child does things different times!) apparently that’s not as important as physical attributes 😩. And my daughter is behind.

She also won’t take her daughter to her assessments because ‘there’s no point she will smash them’

How do I tell her that I don’t want this part of our lives to be like this too?!

You aren’t being too sensitive, @Littlejayx - she is being a grade A, copper-bottomed bitch!

She deserves to be binned as a friend, and you deserve much, much better!

What positives are you actually getting out of this 'friendship'?

Your 'friend' called you cruel to your own child and you want to continue the friendship?

She isn't going to change. This is your dynamic. She is a bit mean to you but probably tells you you are such a great friend, that's why she's so honest. She likes putting you down and bigging herself up.

She isn't a good friend, that's for sure.

Now you need to decide if you can bear for your dd to be put down and bad remarks made about her mum's choices.

I don't see how you can change this person, she thinks it's acceptable to run you down, and you are her good friend.

Write that letter, but expect the waterworks, then the criticism to continue.

You are not being too sensitive! Have some self respect because you do not deserve to be spoken to like that. She’s the one that’s that’s thrown away a friendship by treating you like utter crap. You do not have to keep taking her insults. And it’s an really unhealthy model for your daughter, please stop this before she starts picking up on what’s being said.

Since when did walking early have anything to do with how advanced children are.

Fwiw ds should be smashing university 2 years early as he walked at 9months.

With friends like that, who needs enemies? She sounds like a twat.

Well given you've been friends for so long, I think it's worth fighting for. Look at her and say 'do you realise how much you put me down? I don't like this competitive business. I love you for who you are and I don't criticise you. I'd like the same consideration.' And if she starts saying you're too sensitive / don't make a mountain out of a molehill / blah blah blah, say 'Think about this please, because I'm at the end of my tether.' And then walk out.

You have to make a stand, and make it strongly. Don't be brushed off. She's really dragging you down.

I had a childhood friend like this. Always so negative. Really happy if things went badly for me, and sulky and jealous when they went well. A true frenemy. I ended the friendship and whilst it was hard and I had flying monkeys from her and my family, it was what I needed to do at the time.

Stand up for yourself. Put your side across and at least you'll know you tried.

She is not your friend OP. She's a hateful bint. Don't give this horrible woman any more of your headspace and reduce contact immediately.

You sound lovely and have nothing to gain from continuing this farcical friendship.

Personally I don't have time for people like this but if you want to maintain the friendship I think that actually if you say it as it is she will make you out to be the bad guy. I'd be tempted, next time she says something to say "look X, I've not mentioned this before because obviously the only way you can feel good about yourself is to put me down and as your friend I felt really sorry for you that you felt your achievements weren't enough on their own merit, but your child is great and you really don't have to make these comparisons for us to think so" any protesting from her gets a similar response "it's OK, you're doing great, don't worry so much"

Either she is hugely lacking confidence and might appreciate laying it all out or she'll hate the thought that you think she lacks confidence and she might stop.

I've got a friend like that and for once I called her out as she is always boasting about herself and putting me down at the same time

How can you manage to put up with someone who says things like that about your choices?! You must have the patience of a saint!

Cars and houses aside - they are just things - the moment somebody supposed to be a friend criticised my DH or my child, they would be out my door with a footprint on their arse and a ringing noise in their ears from my "WTF did you just say?!?!?" It's incredibly bad form to slag off someone's partner, but their child...

She sounds god awful, and no friend really, totally distance myself, I would have done that when she made the nasty disparaging comment about your car that you saved hard for. YOu have let it go so long.

Distance yourself - this competitiveness will spill over and affect your DD too when she is old enough to pick up on snide comments etc.

Don't put the two fo you through that.

"All this pisses me off, but I know what she’s like and this is just how she handles her issues by taking it out on other people. "
What she's like. A variation of it's just her way . NO. No, no, no, no, no. She can take 'what she's like' and shove it.

"but I don’t have many other friends and don’t want to throw away 20 years of friendship. "
You do not have 20 years of friendship that could be thrown away. What you DO have is 20 years of being her emotional punchbag, which I sincerely encourage you to throw away ASAP. Today.

Get rid of her before your daughter is old enough to understand what's going on around her. And trust me, they understand pretty damned early.

It sounds like your friend enjoys being your friend so she can be a horrible little bitch and you’ll take it. You seriously don’t need that niggling negativity in your life, are you one of the ONLY actual friends she has? Does she bitch about everyone and anyone to you? She doesn’t actually sound happy, the only relief she gets from what sounds like her horrible self is by projecting her feelings of no self worth onto people and because your probably a pretty decent person you might just take it.

I’ve been this bitch of a person. Thankfully I realised before it was too late, and the friend who sounds like it could be you, me and her are on very good terms, because of my realisation and me profusely apologising because of my awful, arrogant, wrong behaviour.

OP that bich aint worth it girl!

AND imagine your daughter with someone possibly WORSE than her?! sorry I’m awful I know!

She has a go at your husband, your child, your house, your family, basically your life?

She sounds like a right cow. LTB, quite frankly.

She sounds utterly socially inept.

"but I don’t have many other friends and don’t want to throw away 20 years of friendship. "
You do not have 20 years of friendship that could be thrown away. What you DO have is 20 years of being her emotional punchbag, which I sincerely encourage you to throw away ASAP. Today.

^THIS.

Fuck her off

Fuck that shit Man! She's a dick.

Ford KA's are awesome!!!!!

She sounds toxic, if you think about how she's effecting you, would you want your daughter growing up hearing it?
Babies should be socialised from any age, it's good for them.
Good for you for going to college! I think you would be best for walking away. She won't get better she will just get worse.
Sounds like she has insecurity issues and you are getting all the stick.
Move away from her. You won't regret it. X

Trust me, she wont change.
Faze her out @OP

You need to repeat back what she says
'Your DH is rough'
'My DH is rough?
Your car is for peasants
My car is for peasants?

That way you call her out. She 'hears what she said and how she said i, and now she has to justify her thought to you - she won't be expecting it and will feel awkward

Do this enough times and she'll stop because I think sometimes people just don't hear what they say

Doesn’t matter if she’s gone through a rough time she has no right to talk down to you and insult you, tell her to fuck off!