Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end friendship over

168 replies

Littlejayx · 29/10/2018 18:25

Everything to do with our children being made into a competition?

My best friend and I have lived very close to each other since we were teeny and have just happened to do everything at the same time, buy houses, meet partners, buy cars etc etc. She has always made comparisons to EVERYTHING.

For example, I bought my first car (ford ka ugly purple colour) was as proud as punch as I had saved for months and months, she got a brand new bmw (on finance) then my car was for ‘peasants’ (jokey but still hurt my tiny fragile soul)

My partner has a manual job (works bloody hard and I’m super proud) , hers in finance (also very good job) bring about the same money but DP is ‘rough’

My house is a end terrace and quirky and we saved (while I was pregnant living with mother in law) quickly for it. My friend says we bought a shit house and she doesn’t like it and hers is more classy.

Weddings, I chose small (tiny family many dramas) it was my taste she said it was nothing to hers and I should have put more money into it

All this pisses me off, but I know what she’s like and this is just how she handles her issues by taking it out on other people. I love her apart from all this competition.

BUT

our babies have four months between them, my daughter is my world, but still isn’t the best sleeper and still breastfeeds so the sleep deprivation is stressing me out.

As a friend I would expect abit of love, I just get ‘My daughter has slept through since 3 months’ ‘you always have the worse luck’

My daughter started walking at 14 months and I was over the moon, hers at 10 I was super proud of them both and cried (over emotional) when I saw them walking together. ‘See MY daughter is a lot cleverer and advanced’

My daughter is very chatty, hers not so much ( every child does things different times!) apparently that’s not as important as physical attributes 😩. And my daughter is behind.

She also won’t take her daughter to her assessments because ‘there’s no point she will smash them’

How do I tell her that I don’t want this part of our lives to be like this too?!

OP posts:
ohlittlepea · 29/10/2018 19:26

I ended a friendship over similar, I don't know why some people need to make life a competition.

Aprilislonggone · 29/10/2018 19:27

Be a good role model for your dd.
File her away in the fucked off no good in my life dept.

TheFlame · 29/10/2018 19:27

what would you say to your daughter if she told you that her friend was always putting her down? Would you tell her to put up with it, or that she deserved to have a friend she looked forward to seeing?

CoraPirbright · 29/10/2018 19:29

She sounds fucking awful; a rude judgemental bitch. Am now awaiting the massive drip feed of “ I accidentally killed someone and she helped me move the body” or “I was really ill and she donated her kidney to me”.

Short of scenarios like this, I cannot for the life of me understand why you would have someone so utterly toxic in your life....

Nanny0gg · 29/10/2018 19:31

I love her apart from all this competition.

This isn't competition, it's spite and nastiness.

She's not your friend.

And as far as friendships go, it's quality not quantity that counts.

Jayfee · 29/10/2018 19:31

I wouldn't write but perhaps be ready for when she says something to say it makes you feel a bit put down?

Deliphant · 29/10/2018 19:31

You haven't really put your friend's good points - does she have any good points?

And she seems rather dim - a toddler assessment is a check not an exam, no one's gonna get a distinction.

Singlenotsingle · 29/10/2018 19:31

Friends are supposed to boost each other, support eo, and make eo feel better. This one's slags off your house, your car, your dp's job and now she's criticising your little DD. She doesn't make you feel good. She just gets off on making you feel bad.

BMW6 · 29/10/2018 19:33

OP you know she's going to carry on this shit when your child is old enough to understand what is being said don't you?

She may not even do it in front of you - she sounds such a toxic cow I bet she'd make digs to your child on the sly.

You have chosen to take this shit for 20 years. But for the love of your child do not let this bitch bring down your childs self-esteem.

Your child deserves much much better and you owe it to her to protect her from people who will hurt her.

For your child's sake get away from this dreadful relationship.

Leonard1 · 29/10/2018 19:36

Nope too high maintenance to be a friend. Not good for you at all as unsupportive and competitive. Distance and ditch as you are not getting anything out of this friendship.

fluffiphlox · 29/10/2018 19:40

She is a nasty piece of work. Find a proper friend.

A580Hojas · 29/10/2018 19:42

For real? Your friend said your car was for peasants, your partner is rough, your house is shit and hers is more classy, your wedding was cheap, your baby isn't as good as hers.

Not really! No one is such an arse.

category12 · 29/10/2018 19:42

She's not a friend, she's a frenemy. She likes to put you down. Maybe it's time to stop putting up with it.

Whocansay · 29/10/2018 19:45

I agree with everyone else. She isn't a friend and you're best bet is to get rid of her before your DD notices.

You've been making allowances for this bitch for a long time. Just stop.

minionsrule · 29/10/2018 19:47

If she had a ds who was a teenager i would ask if we had the same 'friend'.
Mine has calmed down now but everything about him was always 'a sign of intelligence'.... when he walked, when he got his teeth, questioning santa. I really mastered my eye rolling technique and the bored look.
DH's car was once referred to as a rust bucket as well!

Guiltypleasures001 · 29/10/2018 19:47

If you accept this in a friendship, god only knows what you would accept from an enemy. She's not your friend, you have poor boundaries op sorry

Anyone saying my child was behind my house and wedding were shit and my dh rough, is a shitbag and ide throw her out

Monny1 · 29/10/2018 19:54

She is not your friend. You’re too good for her. Friends don’t treat friends like that.

OrigamiZoo · 29/10/2018 19:55

You are saint for putting up with it to be frank, aren't you just itching to tell her where to go?

sweatthesmallstuff · 29/10/2018 19:55

She sounds awful she is very insecure and jealous of you .
Start cutting contact , friends like that who needs enemies.

Neolara · 29/10/2018 19:56

She sounds awful.

Fortunately, now is the perfect time to meet lots of other, nicer friends. Go to lots of baby groups, strike up conversations with as many people as you can, suggest meet ups outside of the group. Before you know it, you'll have a group of lovely friends who are actually nice to you. Good luck!

Cringing123 · 29/10/2018 19:56

Why are you even asking this question? She sounds like an absolute twat. Ditch her ASAP.

Justanothermile · 29/10/2018 20:00

What does this person actually GIVE you OP? I mean that in terms of friendship and emotion? Does she make you feel at all positive or confident about your life? She drains you it seems.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/10/2018 20:08

What advice would you give your daughter when she's older and having issues with friends?

I have a friend a bit like this, she got worse when she was going through a rough time and recently has been much better. But I think it has changed the way I see her forever, I just don't feel as close to her. And that's without her ever saying anything about our kids or comparing them as she did other aspects of our lives.

Do you get anything positive from the friendship? If you really want to continue being friends as she brings something positive to your life, you are going to have to bring it up.

You can do it directly ie you compare our children all the time and I don't see our life as a competition - I feel upset that you're implying my child is below par, please stop' or be a bit more gentle and give her the benefit of the doubt, such as 'I don't know if you realise but this is the fifth time today you've compared our children and found my child lacking. I know you don't mean to upset me but would you mind if we didn't directly compare them and discuss it, I don't see the need and I think it's best to stop the habit now before they're old enough to understand - there is already so much pressure on children I don't want to add to it and I'd like to just enjoy watching them develop at their own pace' type of thing

You could send her a text or letter if it's easier.

How she responds will tell you everything. I think sometimes people just don't realise how they come across and would be very upset if someone did the same back to them 'oh you're so cruel not putting your toddler in nursery and denying them access to early years education', I'm sure would upset her.

She sounds very insecure and one sided

TeddybearBaby · 29/10/2018 20:12

I’ve heard you say you still want to be friends with her.......

I don’t think I’d do anything as full on as writing a letter - unless I just did it for my own benefit and didn’t send.

I’d make some comments in return to her snipes though. No animosity in my tone, just genuinely questioning.... ‘I have to use a nursery to go to college friend. I have no other options. Your comments have really stressed me out now. What do you think I should do?’ And if the competitiveness starts shut it down. I think I’d say actually ‘you have the best car, house, husband blah blah blah. You win!! Now let’s move on’.

She obvs has issues / is insecure.

Good luck 💐

Jlynhope · 29/10/2018 20:14

She sounds toxic. This is not how a friend behaves.

Swipe left for the next trending thread