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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drive my sister anywhere again?

427 replies

AmandaBuffamonteezi · 28/10/2018 08:16

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SprogletsMum · 28/10/2018 08:18

You definitely weren't BU and your sister is an idiot.

TheBlueDot · 28/10/2018 08:18

No you didn’t overreact. Being in a child seat is non-negotiable.

Woofsaidtheladybird · 28/10/2018 08:19

I agree. Your sister is being utterly irresponsible. What she is doing is illegal as well as stupid. Your car, your rules. Well done for standing your ground!

summerdazeahoy · 28/10/2018 08:19

Definitely not an overreaction! It's the law!

Your sister seems to be setting herself up for tough times ahead if she can't even keep her 2 yo in a car seat.

Coolaschmoola · 28/10/2018 08:19

Your sister is an idiot and a disgraceful parent. I'd text that to her - along with some statistics about child car deaths.

It wasn't you making up rules - the LAW is very clear.

Idontwanttogo · 28/10/2018 08:19

You definitely have not over reacted. I think you did the right thing. I would have done the same. I won't have anyone in the car without a seat belt on.

7yo7yo · 28/10/2018 08:19

Just reply and say sorry you feel like that, I totally understand. I know you won’t want to get in my car again. Thanks for the advice regarding counselling, I’ll look into it. Love ya.
See how quickly she takes those words back when she wants a lift.

PerkingFaintly · 28/10/2018 08:20
Shock

YANB even the teeniest bit U.

Faster · 28/10/2018 08:20

Not an overreaction as i would judge your sisters parenting choices as well. As she’s making shit, dangerous choices.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 28/10/2018 08:20

YANBU. As the driver it's your responsibility to ensure passengers under 14 are using the appropriate seatbelt or restraint. If you'd been stopped by the police that would have been immediate fine and penalty points on your licence.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2018 08:20

Your sister is an idiot and should be charged with child endangerment. Never, ever allow a child to be unrestrained in your vehicle. If there was an accident and the child were injured or killed, as the driver YOU would be held responsible for that. Tell your sister to fuck right off.

MrsA2015 · 28/10/2018 08:21

Send her videos of what happens to test dummies. If that doesn’t knock some sense into her bloody report her number plate of she has one for dangerous driving with a child in the car . Might seem extreme but I’m so over these selfish people thinking they know better

humblesims · 28/10/2018 08:21

No you didnt over react. She is a fool. I would refuse to have her in the car.

Mumminmum · 28/10/2018 08:21

you'll be the one getting a fine if they are not strapped in. She is BU.

Bunbunbunny · 28/10/2018 08:21

Your sister is an idiot

Jasharps · 28/10/2018 08:21

Your sister is an idiot. Even more so for doing so after your accident.

Also her dd is never going to understand rules or boundaries if she gives in at every turn.

Acopyofacopy · 28/10/2018 08:21

YANBU. No more lifts for your irresponsible sister!

SnuggyBuggy · 28/10/2018 08:22

She sounds batshit. I can't believe anyone these days would take such risks with their child.

Sparklywolf · 28/10/2018 08:22

Well according to the law it is you as the driver who is responsible for ensuring all children under 14 are in the appropriate car seat. So no, UANBU!

We grew up "knowing" that Mummys car didn't work unless everyone was strapped in (and were amazed the first few times other people's cars did in fact start without seatbelts being used!)

ElainaElephant · 28/10/2018 08:22

I just want to point out that you, as the driver, would be the one to face charges with a child not securely fastened in a suitable restraint.

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. Your sister is being foolish.

Potterpotty · 28/10/2018 08:22

I may be wrong but I was under the impression if you had been pulled over or god forbid you had crashed, you would have been either given a ticket for the child not being properly restrained or charged if they were hurt.

It just blows my mind someone would take a child out of a car seat that is designed to save their life!

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 28/10/2018 08:22

You absolutely haven’t overreacted.

I was a similar accident this spring- just tootling along down a dual carriageway when a woman drove out of a side road without looking. Dd was 6 months and strapped into her car seat properly and was fine, thankfully. It could have been A LOT worse.

It’s made me realise that you can be observant, driving the speed limit safely but all it takes is some idiot to make a reckless decision to put you and your family at risk.

Your sister is an idiot, and I’d be telling her so.

margaritasbythesea · 28/10/2018 08:22

Yanbu. A child not strapped into a car seat caused an accident which killed six people near me recently.

Your sister is being irresponsible and a cow to boot.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 28/10/2018 08:23

I'd consider trying to report it to someone, I really would. Not sure what the best route would be - hv, gp, police, nursery? But my god, she's putting her child in daily risk because she can't be bothered. That's classic neglect. Your niece needs someone to be on her side. It looks like it might have to be you.

ElainaElephant · 28/10/2018 08:23

No, not foolish. Irresponsible and dangerous.

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