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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drive my sister anywhere again?

427 replies

AmandaBuffamonteezi · 28/10/2018 08:16

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Comenext · 28/10/2018 09:06

Also, if there is a collision and the child is not in car seat, then your Insurance Company would have something to say about it. (If they found out that is)
Do not let your sister's child become a statistic if you can influence her in any way to change her behaviour.
Ultimately we can only control our own behaviour though. Other people need to take some responsibility for their own actions.

hennaoj · 28/10/2018 09:07

You can report her to the Police and I would if it was my sister (mine wouldn't though).

greathat · 28/10/2018 09:09

Your sister is a fucking idiot. If her response to her child crying is just to give her what she wants, she's a shit parent too. Send her a link to this thread and don't give her a lift again

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/10/2018 09:11

Send the silly cow a link to the "Julie knew her killer" Road safety ad.

And maybe a grip and a few lessons on G force.

TheMaddHugger · 28/10/2018 09:12

And if there was an accident in your car Your Sister would still Blame YOU

You can't win

LettuceP · 28/10/2018 09:12

Shock I can't believe she got the child out of the car seat, that is insane!
I know a couple of people who say "he/she always gets their arms out of the straps, they are so cheeky hee hee" and its obvious that they do nothing to prevent it or stop the car and put the straps back on. It infuriates me but I can't do anything about it. But if they are in my car then it's my rules, straps stay on or we stop and strap them in safely.
Some people are just idiots Angry

jobbymcginty · 28/10/2018 09:13

Hi op you did the right thing I would also refuse to take them anywhere again. I was also in a very serious accident and god knows what would of happened it seatbelts weren't because no used! Also caused by another driver not me. You really don't know what can happen whilst driving

CrunchieFriday · 28/10/2018 09:13

Your sister is a fucking idiot. If her response to her child crying is just to give her what she wants, she's a shit parent too. Send her a link to this thread and don't give her a lift again

^ This. With bells on.

TheSerenDipitY · 28/10/2018 09:14

make sure you save that text for when she next wants you to drive her anywhere

jobbymcginty · 28/10/2018 09:14

You should show your sister this post also to show she's being very irresponsible

junebirthdaygirl · 28/10/2018 09:15

I was driving my dd and her friend in my car. Her friend aged 19 was in the back. I was pulled over by police at a routine checkpoint. The friend hadn't her seatbelt on. It never occured to me to check. Police said l was responsible and he had a good mind to impound my car. He gave me a right going over. I was shocked and so annoyed with friend.
You are responsible for that child. Imagine living your life knowing she can gone through the windscreen on your watch. Your sister is a total ass and not fit to be a mother. Maybe show her all these replies.

ButchyRestingFace · 28/10/2018 09:15

Where was your sister sitting in the car relative to your niece?

Was she in the front passenger seat and therefore had to reach over and behind (ffs!) to “adjust” the straps or sitting in the back with her?

Whichever, show her this thread.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 09:15

You were definitely NOT unreasonable, your sister is very nasty and has a careless attitude to her niece. I was in a serious accident, too - the result of which it had completely ripped by bra clean in half down the middle. Ever since then, I am very strict about seatbelts. I would reply back and say this:

"You can be a negligent parent who doesn't care about the safety of ----- (insert name) but in MY car everyone will be in their seatbelt. If you don't like it, you can always find someone else to drive your around. Or, alternatively, you can get your own licence and car, if you don't like the way I do things in my car."

TheABC · 28/10/2018 09:16

This is what the radio is for. Strap the child in safely, switch it on and ignore the howling as best you can. Non negotiable is the only (safe, sane, legal) way to go.

dontyouforgetaboutme · 28/10/2018 09:16

It's not a parenting choice. It's a driver's choice. Your sister is an idiot both during and after.

puzzledlady · 28/10/2018 09:17

youre sister is an absolute buffoon. You should tell her that too. Terrible parenting.

puzzledlady · 28/10/2018 09:17

^ your ^

Soubriquet · 28/10/2018 09:18

Text her.

“That’s fine. I won’t drive you anywhere again”

MsFrosty · 28/10/2018 09:19

Legally you are responsible anyone under the age of 14 is appropriately strapped in.

HazelBite · 28/10/2018 09:20

When my twin sons were little they would undo each others straps/belts in the car.
as a result I never drove anywhere alone with them in the car, it was the double buggy, walking or the bus!
The thing is it is the thin end of the wedge if you allow themselves out of their harnesses as the next thing is they are getting into the front of the car to "help" you drive!

PMSwithacockinmydress · 28/10/2018 09:21

Jesus.
I really hope your sister is a MNer and reads this thread. I hope she realises her utter fucking stupidity.

My children are now 10 and 13 and have never even considered not wearing a seatbelt - they know it's non-negotiable.

onedayiwillmissthis · 28/10/2018 09:21

Your sister is being an idiot. For the sake of your niece send your sister a link to this thread. Just refuse to drive until every passenger is secured. You as the driver would be responsible.

BlueJava · 28/10/2018 09:23

Your sister is an idiot and YANBU. Obviously there is the risk of more harm if not strapped in and you have an accident, but also you (as the driver) would be the one fined if stopped by the police and a minor isn't strapped in, whilst in your car. I wouldn't take her anywhere again if that's the hassle I had.

Sunnyjac · 28/10/2018 09:26

Everyone has already said but you were absolutely right. And agree about sending her videos of crash test dummies. With message that you love her and your niece (assuming you do!) but won’t be driving them anywhere again. Also anonymous report to social services. She’ll probably guess it’s you but a child’s life is at stake. Good luck

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 09:26

I second onedayiwillmissthis - please send your sister a link to this thread.

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