To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

Very rude of her!! Your car, your rules. Let her know she's no longer welcome in your car.

I'm someone who doesn't care that much if a child isn't in a car seat on a rare occasion.

Eh? Read the thread!!

Sister or no sister I wouldn't be talking to someone who called me those horrible names, never mind not giving her a lift again.

Your sister 😯😯😯😯😶😶😶😮😮😮😮😮😮

Your sister is a MASSIVE twat.

She is definitely BU. Send her this link; it's very clear and is the law - children under 3 must use a car seat if one is available, as it was. www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Your sister is an idiot - there are some rules children need to know are non negotiable and using a seat belt is one of them (like running into the road without looking).

She is going to have a good hole heap of trouble as a parent if whingeing power wins. Children need boundaries.

I was in an accident as a baby before car seats sitting on my Mum's lap - I could have died.

YANBU... I guess she won't be wanting lifts from you any more.

Your sister is a twat, absolutely don't drive her anywhere again

I feel sorry for your niece! With a weak mother who won't behave as a parent and make sure things are safe for her.

Your sister is a class 1 idiot.

Wearing of seatbelts and sitting in car seats is completely non-negotiable. Stupid woman. I also can't believe she's trying to switch the blame onto OP for her ridiculous behaviour.

Your sister is an idiot. Absolutely don't drive her again. Also interesting to note that crap parents like your sister tend to be furious and bewildered when the child gets a bit older and won't do anything they are told!

Thanks OP

I do want to shake people that seem to think accidents only happen when both drivers do something wrong. I couldn’t have done anything to avoid what happened to me, and I shudder when I think of what could have happened if DD had been strapped in too loosely or if I hadn’t buckled her seat in right.

I’ve tried to channel my worries about driving post-accident into being a better driver myself, but I now see that I can only control what happens inside MY car, not anyone else’s.

Apart from the safety issues and her horrible attitude, police can charge you a spot fine for non-compliance - I think it's £100 - and as driver it's your responsibility.

I've had this nonsense with my very adult BIL - he got in the car and when reminded to put on his seat belt in the back said he didn't bother with them. I refused to drive until he put it on: told him I didn't care what happened to him in a crash but didn't want his dead weight as a loose missile in my car wiping the rest of us out thank you. Selfishness like that drives me nuts.

Your sister is an idiot and completely irresponsible. I wouldn't drive her again

I would respond along the lines of: “As the driver of the car, I was legally responsible for your daughters safety. I refuse to put myself in a vulnerable position and risk facing prison for neglectfully causing the death of your child. Sorry if you think I’m overeacting. I guess we will have to beg to differ.”

Unless you get an acknowledgement of how stupid she is being I would seriously consider reporting her. Your niece needs someone to protect her. Her mother is too busy trying to prevent a tantrum. Idiot.

Just reply and say sorry you feel like that, I totally understand. I know you won’t want to get in my car again. Thanks for the advice regarding counselling, I’ll look into it. Love ya.
See how quickly she takes those words back when she wants a lift.

^^ This!

Loosen it so she could move her arms?

What does that mean?

That if there was an accident, your niece would come out over the top of the straps?

I get annoyed wih my daughter for putting her strap on as she's going slowly down the drive

I just don't get it at all.

Belt on-then engine on imo!

YANBU. Unfortunately my child hates getting strapped in but gets over it once we're on our way. If I made a scene out of it or let her know there are other options it'd be a regular battle. I have had screaming all the way home before and just had to suck it up. I didn't just unbuckle my child and let her just roam around in the back which is what your sister has effectively done during that journey in the event of an accident. I wouldn't drive her anywhere again, I'm sure she'd be quick to blame her child's injuries on you in the event of an accident.

That’s unbelievable behaviour- I can’t believe she did that!

Yanbu, she would not be so blaise if you had to slam on your breaks, or you had a crash, and the toddler went flying through the windscreen, and was seriously injured and died. You as the driver would be liable, it is your responsibility as the driver to make sure children are properly restrained.

You weren’t questioning her parent choices.

You were adhering to the law. The law that you could get fined for if not. The law that protects children from fucking idiots like your sister who’d rather risk their child’s life than actually step up and parent properly.

She was pandering to a child for an easy life instead of protecting her as she should. Shame on your sister. Well done you.

YANBU - send your sister a text back with a link to this thread! I would, if it was me. Does your sister drive a car herself? If so, I would be extremely concerned for your niece in your sister’s car

No I would not be driving them again.

Point out that, by law, you have every right to dictate how her child travels when she is in your car, given that you'll be the one getting fined for breaking the law. Also point out that she was the one being judgemental about your decisions.