To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

It’s made me realise that you can be observant, driving the speed limit safely but all it takes is some idiot to make a reckless decision to put you and your family at risk.

Penny is right - you can be the world's best driver, and all it takes is some twat, or a greasy road or a blown tyre, or almost anything - and you're toast.

NEVER give her a lift again util she comes to her senses.

Yanbu! Your sister is an idiot. I agree, no more lifts for her

Your sister is a bloody apology of a parent and doesn’t deserve her daughter

I would simply never have them in the car with you again. Don't enter any discussions as it's pointless with people like that. If you have to a simple 'it's the law and I am not breaking the law and facing a fine for you' should be sufficient to shut down any stupid arguments she comes up with.

What @DanielRicciardosSmile said

YANBU. As the driver it's your responsibility to ensure passengers under 14 are using the appropriate seatbelt or restraint. If you'd been stopped by the police that would have been immediate fine and penalty points on your licence.

Not only is your sister irresponsible and frankly stupid, she is being massively insensitive to you considering your recent accident.
Absolutely no more lifts for her, and be very clear as to why.

Your sister is a complete moron at best and willingly neglectful at worst. Don't get in a car with her again.

Your sister is an idiot.

I'd text back you're sorry to upset her, but as far as you're aware, the law states the driver is responsible for everyone in the car wearing belts safely. It would have been you in trouble with the police in an accident. So you're not criticising her parenting choices, as much as she is criticising you for driving legally. And that you don't want to fall out so will probably have to agree to disagree on this one. And thanks for the suggestion on counselling - you will have a think

I had to slam on the brakes the other day and my handbag went flying off the seat spilling its contents everywhere. Rather my handbag than a child.

Here is something literally designed to save a child's life, and she can't be bothered doing it.

I agree with pp above - send her crash test dummy videos.

Oh and yes you'll understand if she doesn't want a lift from you again if you're going to insist on belts

Why thank her for the suggestion about counselling? You don't need counselling just because you want to comply with the law.

Sisters a dick you're in the right for being safe.

My three year old niece has always done the same in my car. My sister's never there but my ten year old niece says it's because she always has her arms out in her own car seat. I said it's not safe so she has to stay strapped in properly in here and leave her to moan.

Yanbu no way.

Your sister is an irresponsible dickhead. It's not the 1970s anymore.

My DS liked to try and escape, after constantly stopping, strapping him in and restarting, I bought a Houdini strap for him. Escape was impossible so he eventually gave up and I didn't need it anymore.

I feel sorry for your niece, if she can get away with this she must have no boundaries at all.

I have no words for this. I honestly cannot express what a fool she must be

YANBU! What the fuck was your sister thinking??
I’d react as you did and I haven’t been in an accident recently.
Do not give her a lift until she starts prioritising safety.

What does she think a car-seat is for? Does she understand that a small child, if unrestrained, could and would be thrown around inside a car like a rag doll in the event of an accident? That they could suffer horrendous injuries or death and also cause them to other occupants of the car?

Nobody wants to contemplate any of this happening but if your sister is a parent and can't see any of the dangers here then something is seriously amiss.

OP, she could not be more wrong and you could not be more right.

I have idiotic family members like this.

I don’t comment on what they do or lecture or try to educate any more. I just calmly and simply say in my car, when I am driving everyone has the right seat belt. Take it or leave it.

I wouldn’t engage in her histrionics. Message back you agree, her choice what she does, your choice what goes on in your car when you are driving. That’s all there is to it.

And if she asks for a lift again just say ‘ happy to give you a lift, you know my position on observing the law when I am driving and in my car. Ok?’. And if she says no, say ‘ok, never mind, up to you of course ‘ and cancel the arrangement.

You did the right thing! Well done for standing firm x

YANBU. My friend's two year old was killed when her ex didn't put her in a car seat. It wasn't even a 'bad' accident, but she was standing on the back seat at the time. This was a few years ago, and the whole family are still living with the aftermath. Your sister is beyond irresponsible.

YANBU - it's your car and YOUR responsibility to ensure children under 14 are safe with seatbelts on. It's the Law. She was horrible to bring up your accident and suggest counselling for FOLLOWING THE LAW.

You are right to not want to take them in your car again. YANBU

Don't let your sister in the car ever again. Next time she wants a lift she will spout some bullshit about having learned her lesson then do the same thing again once you're underway and can't easily stop.

She's an idiot and, if she's very very lucky, she will merely have a shit time of parenting and turn out a spoiled, wilful child who can't obey rules. If she's unlucky... it doesn't bear thinking about.

We grew up "knowing" that Mummys car didn't work unless everyone was strapped in (and were amazed the first few times other people's cars did in fact start without seatbelts being used!)

I love this! Will definitely steal it!!

OP, YANBU, your sister is an idiot.

Your sister is an idiot. A massive, dangerous idiot.