To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

Judging parenting choices B complying with the law?

You did the right thing

Let her walk or catch the bus much safer option for DN

YWNBU at all, especially as it is your legal responsibility to ensure all passengers are safely seated for the journey. If she is happy to risk her daughter's life whilst she is driving then fine, but how selfish to put you in that position!

I wouldn't offer a lift again and perhaps find a seatbelt safety video for her to watch, I saw one a few years ago and it was horrific, might make her think.

YANBU. Don’t give her a lift again. She’s a danger not just to her child but also to everyone else. In the event of an accident an unrestrained occupant basically becomes a missile and could kill someone who’s wearing a seatbelt.

Yadnbu.

I am very hot on carseats and car safety. I don't allow my dcs to travel with certain family members because I don't trust their driving or attitudes to car seats. It occasionally causes issues but it's one thing I don't compromise on.

My reply to your sister would be "If you can find one single person who agrees with you then I'll get help".

You were absolutely right Op. You're sister is being totally out of order, she should be thinking of the safety of her daughter and respect you as the driver - and the fact you recently had a crash. Very selfish behaviour on her part, I would not drive her anywhere again. Good on you for sticking to your principles. 

Your sister is an idiot! Agree with a pp, send her the statistics.

I really hate seeing kids out of car seats or sitting in the front needlessly. So so stupid and dangerous.

Also if you had been stopped by the police, it would be you in trouble.

Your sister is totally out of order. The fact is that it's legally the driver's responsibility to make sure children are properly strapped in. If the police stopped you, it would be you who got points on your license, and if you had an accident it would be you who was legally liable. Anyway, your car, your rules.

She's a disgrace as a parent.

Your sister needs her hear screwed on. Well done for being strong on this.

Actually as the driver if the car it's your legal responsibility to make sure a child under 14 is wearing a seatbelt/suitably restrained. So nothing to do with judgement of her parenting more not breaking the law. Also maybe point out that your neice's safety in case of an accident was the most important thing to you as well. She needs her head wobbling if she puts a quiet life over her child's safety.

I just want to point out that you, as the driver, would be the one to face charges with a child not securely fastened in a suitable restraint.

Exactly. My only doubt is if the mother, being present, wouldn't be responsible instead or as well.
But you absolutely did the right thing.

Tell her you could report her to SS for failing to ensure child safety.
(Not sure if they'd take any notice, but maybe worth as a reality check)

YANBU at all.
But she obviously feels judged about her parenting and is lashing out. A parent who can't enforce rules and ignoring the whining/crying is one who will find parenting difficult. No one enjoys hearing their child upset but we all have to realise that sometimes we have to do things we don't enjoy because it's safer or just that we can't always have what we want.
I wouldn't engage in a conversation about this but just perhaps show her the following link and point out that it's illegal for her child not to be in a car seat. And if she can get out of it then that would also be a problem.

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules

If you wanted to be particularly obvious, there are YouTube videos of crash test dummies in a variety of senarios which would also make the point.

I wouldn’t even reply to her.

Just never offer her a lift again.

Absolutely insane. Not only is it the law but it's really unsafe for a child to not be restrained.

I'd text back that it's up to her what she decides when she is driving but in your car you are responsible for following the law and if dn travels in your car it's will be in an appropriate car seat.

Keep calm and stick to the facts. You were the driver and it was your duty to obey the law re child seats. She must know you're right underneath. She has been a weak mother giving into her moaning child who is far too young to know what's good for her! I wouldn't refuse to ever drive her again but make it clear her child must stay in the car seat.

Don't give your sister a lift with her child again. Not until she can control her.
If there was an accident and something happened to your niece, it would be your problem.

Yanbu. At all. Your sister is being ridiculous.

Don't even grace her shite with a reply and no more lifts

Seriously op our dsis is breaking the law doing that. Never ever allow dneice in your car without a car seat. Your poor neice. Yanbu

Your sister is an unfit mother.

YANBU

your sister is a tit

Not an over reaction at all. I think if you'd have been pulled over it would be you responsible for an un restrained child. So you definitely did the right thing.

Thank you all so much! I've just cried reading the responses. I'm seriously worried about what happens in their car.

@PennyMordauntsLadyBrain that's similar to what happened to me, so glad you're both ok. It scary how many idiots are out there. I had to emergency stop the other week when someone pulled out in front of me. They were on their phone and eating a twister ice lolly 

I'm someone who doesn't care that much if a child isn't in a car seat on a rare occasion. Unless I'm the driver. Because then I'm legally responsible, and my perception of risk is irrelevant, it's my responsibility to obey the law.

Your sister is an idiot. No more lifts for her.