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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not want to show my sister our bedroom

200 replies

WibbleWobbleBumBum · 26/10/2018 18:28

First house, a long time coming. We’ve now been in for a couple of months. My sister is coming over tomorrow. I don’t want to show her our bedroom (plus shower room). Now that it’s been lived in for a bit it feels like dh and my private space.

It’s not anything to do with not trusting her or whatever but I just don’t want anyone but me and dh in there. Aibu?

If not how do I tell her ‘it feels too private to let you in’.

OP posts:

Parker231 · 26/10/2018 19:56

Odd - I’d wonder what you are hiding.

TheClitterati · 26/10/2018 19:56

Is it because you don't want her to see your sex swing?

hellojim · 26/10/2018 19:58

Is there anything particularly personal about your room, and I don't mean in a sex dungeon way? Do you think she would make a judgement based on your bedroom rather than any other room? Will she even want to see the whole house? I am always a bit surprised when I visit friends' houses and they give a complete tour - I would be happy with a coffee! One friend showed me round her new house and stood chatting to me in her bedroom while her DH was in bed having a rest...I found that slightly weird!

poglets · 26/10/2018 19:58

I'd prefer not to show anyone my bedroom. But when we moved in to our new house, DHs family were shown it once and now it's off limits. Only me, DH and DC are allowed.

Generally, I don't give people tours of the house. I think it's naff.

YellowOcelot · 26/10/2018 19:59

I felt very uncomfortable when DH let his (adult) children see our bedroom when we first moved in together. He didn't have a clue what I was on about. A few weeks later I showed my mum the bedroom and he went ballistic. We've now established that we're both really private and we keep the door closed at all times

StarShimmer · 26/10/2018 19:59

Not weird. It's your sanctuary.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 26/10/2018 19:59

It’s not anything to do with not trusting her or whatever but I just don’t want anyone but me and dh in there

Why?

What’s in there that’s private?

OhDoGrowUp · 26/10/2018 20:01

YABU, odd and a wee bit precious.

pippop1317 · 26/10/2018 20:03

If someone said to me
"This is the lounge, kitchen, spare room...that's our bedroom you can't go in there"
I instantly think you were hiding something. Sex dungeon or dead body.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 26/10/2018 20:13

When I met dh we were young and both lived with our parents. His mum told him I was not allowed to see in her bedroom when I was in the house. The door would always be shut prior to my arrival and if I ever came round and she didn't know I was coming she would dash to shut it when she heard me come in the house. It made me very curious!
Dh would get 'told off' if we were in the house and his parents came home after we had arrived as she wouldn't have had chance to shut the door and sometimes he forgot.

They lived in a bungalow. You had to walk past the bedroom to get to the living room. I saw the bedroom but shhh don't tell her. (It was a very normal boring bedroom)

Bluntness100 · 26/10/2018 20:13

Very odd. What's so private, surely it's a bed, wardrobe, bedside tables etc. By having a quick peek in she's not going to, I don't know, taint it or something, it's still your bedroom. She's not moving in, she's not going to roll around naked on your bed or rifle through your stuff.

I think if I was your sister I'd assume one of three things, it was either a total shit tip, or it was a sex dungeon, or you had issues. Which one depends on what sort of person you are...

CrazySheepLady · 26/10/2018 20:22

I'm with you, OP. I don't really like anyone but me and hubby in our bedroom. It's such a private space, isn't it.

Loopytiles · 26/10/2018 20:25

Odd!

It’s just a bed and furniture.

CubanHeels · 26/10/2018 20:28

Really really strange! I can’t imagine my sister buying a new house and not having a look round. Loads of people have seen our bedroom, people staying, friends just wanting a nose round the house, etc.

What I find really strange is the general assumption that visitors have the faintest interest in being given a tour of your house -- is this an English thing? Honestly, do people expect to be shown around a renovated house? Wouldn't you just happen to see some rooms when you're on a visit, rather than tottering about staring at people's perfectly ordinary airing cupboards and built-in wardrobes?

MrsJBaptiste · 26/10/2018 20:30

Don't show your bedroom to your sister if you don't want to.

However she'll probably have a good nosy anyway when she next goes up to the loo. I always have a look round my family and friends' houses whenever I'm there and I know they all do too.

MeMeMeow85 · 26/10/2018 20:33

That seems really odd. She’s unlikely to lie in your bed or use your ensuite.

Just tidy away anything you don’t want her to see.

BootsMagoots · 26/10/2018 20:34

Are you ok, OP?

Munchyseeds · 26/10/2018 20:38

V strange....but I think you may have realised that!

puzzledlady · 26/10/2018 20:39

Its a sex dungeon isn’t it op.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 26/10/2018 20:44

It's sounds like you're having a bit of a tough time if you feel you need a space to escape to and shut the world out. Do you have alot going on right now that perhaps you need support with?

Limensoda · 26/10/2018 20:47

If someone asked me if I would like to look around their house I would think it was bloody weird never mind asking if I could look.

Charolais · 26/10/2018 20:50

During the summer I had a lot of people here for a get-together which was mostly held outside. Three people peeled off from the main group to tour my upstairs without me. My bed wasn't even made because I was so busy getting the downstairs and outside spiffed up. I was a bit embarrassed as to what they might have seen.

ohello · 26/10/2018 20:50

For a while, I really liked the idea of a nest bed, with some rock pillows on the floor and enormous fake trees.

www.earthporm.com/giant-birdnest-wooden-bed-filled-soft-egg-shaped-pillows/

www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/rock-pillows/

www.etsy.com/shop/CostureroReal?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Because the whole idea just amused me so much. But then I decided that anyone who saw it would think I was weird. Apparently it was just a phase, cos now I'm doing something completely different and only slightly less wacky.

Anyway, I'm totally not showing you any pictures, or letting anyone see it. Cos it's just for me. I designed it and don't want any copycats, thanks. So I totally get wanting to keep a private sanctuary just for you and your special person. Shut the door and pretend that room doesn't even exist when you show her the house. If she asks, smile and say there's too much bondage gear in there.

Oysterbabe · 26/10/2018 20:52

Yeah that's fucking weird. She's your sister!

Bluntness100 · 26/10/2018 20:56

I don't actually get how your room is your sanctuary but your house isn't.

For me, my home is our private space, if we welcome you in, then you are welcome to see any room. Clearly I don't invite randoms in, but friends, family I have no issues. On occasion I've also had to take tradesmen in there, a plumber for thr radiator, a guy dealing with a wasp nest just outside the window, a decorator, an electrician.

It's clean and tidy, it's just a bed and bedroom furniture, my friends also go in on their own, to get my hairdryer for example. I get why folks wouldn't want someone wandering in alone, but to not be able to see it, seems very odd indeed.

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