To be upset that my friend just cheated on her husband while he is in hospital?

[milkchocolateStarryStarryNight]

I so do not know how to handle this one.
My friend just told me she met up with her ex boyfriend from long ago last night, she took him home (her dc at grandmas), they spent the night having sex, more than once, and it was so great.

Her husband is in hospital for the last two weeks with heartproblem.

By my friends own admission she will not have sex with her ex boyfriend again as husband is due out from hospital on monday, so the possibility will not lend itself.

FFS! She has been married 7 years, as a 3 your old, and she just told me she has cheated and shows no remorse? Ok, she and her dh had an open relationship before they got married and had kids, but even so?

What am I to think about this? Shall I just ignore it, or ?

Oh for heaven's sake, she's probably just winding you up. I feel inclined to regale you with all the appalling things I've done once upon a time, just to get you lot gossipping and condemning me.

Go and offer her husband a consoling blowjob if you're so worried about his welfare.

Sorry, that last post was probably OTT, but honestly I think it isn't your business.

And I still feel like telling you all stuff for you to throw brickbats at me about.

Blimey if my mum had cheated on my Dad everytime he was hospitalised, she wouldn't have had a bed left for him to sleep on when he came out of hospital . I suppose you can either say she realises how precious life is and wants to make the most of it or she's just an opportunist sl*g. Would you feel less shocked if she'd not told you? IYSWIM?

motherinferior - i agree wholeheartedly

what is it with slag/sl*g? it's such a crude, revolting term for one woman to use about another...

Motherinferior, you are wrong, it IS my business, she is making it so by telling me and referring to it, repeatedly.

I am glad you realized your suggestion of me giving him a blowjob if I am so concerned with his wellbeing was OTT. What's your game?

Further, I could not have cared a rats arse about whatever it is you have been up to in your life that you feel a need NOT to have discussed here for fear of condemnation, I dont know you and I dont care about you. However, I care deeply about her. I am not a gossip monger, I posted because I have a problem dealing with this situation, and how to take the friendship further from here.

You seem to take this quite personally, I am sorry if my posts are hitting a raw nerve.

For those of you who jump on me for judging her, I have NOT judged her. Neither have I called her a slag, or by any bad names. Read my posts. My problem is that I feel unable to deal with this, or her now, as I cannot see past my own shock. Maybe it is a wind up, maybe it is not, in any case it is affecting me. I dont need any "oh for heavens sake, " and "it is none of your business", it is hardly constructive, but please continue to vent, if it makes you feel any better.

I have no problems cutting people out of my life, but that is if they wrong ME personally. She has not wronged me, and I see now reason to end the friendship over something she has done to somebody else. THAT is not my business.

To the rest of you, thanks for understanding and good advise.

your posts are perfectly reasonable milkchoc. I am more judgemental than you though, I could not stay friends with someone who behaved like that.

slag is the term for the behaviour described, and I would also apply it to a man who cheated on his hospitalised wife.
this is not a person exercising their sexual freedom, this is a person who has no respect for their child.

I'm sorry but I would class anyone who acts like that as a sl*g or male tart in the situation you describe. Even if they do have an open relationship still, it seems rather tacky to me - but I can be a bit moralistic . I'm no angel myself but it is rather scraping said barrel.

It's really up to you what you do. Do you think that her husband turns a blind eye to this - he may not be up to sex anymore due to his health issues?

I think your posts too are broadly reasonable and I understand where you are coming from even if I don't agree with you. However, you did say in one of them:

'I am pretty tolerant, but I am also at the moment utterly disgusted, shocked and in disbelief at her lack of respect and values'.

and I don't know how that can't be construed as ''judging?'' As such, I do feel your last post was a bit harsh towards people who haven't agreed with you?

However, good for you for deciding not to end your friendship - if you've come to that decision, you must be well on the way to dealing with it despite what you still think!

Thanks Sixofone, I do take that onboard, that did sound really judgemental. Part of the reason for even starting this thread was to gain perspective and get over these emotions and the shock. Starting to breathe normally again now, much thanks to this thread, so in every respect I am thankful for the outcome, and thankful to everybody who has taken the time to reply.

I did not intend to sound harsh with those that did not agree with me, what is the point of any thread if you cant get different opinions, but I did get very tired of being told off for calling her a slag, when I very rarely would label anybody at all, and least not that. My apologies.

Thanks Sixofone, I do take that onboard, that did sound really judgemental. Part of the reason for even starting this thread was to gain perspective and get over these emotions and the shock. Starting to breathe normally again now, much thanks to this thread, so in every respect I am thankful for the outcome, and thankful to everybody who has taken the time to reply.

I did not intend to sound harsh with those that did not agree with me, what is the point of any thread if you cant get different opinions, but I did get very tired of being told off for calling her a slag, when I very rarely would label anybody at all, and least not that. My apologies.

Hope you're all sorted now, milkchocolate. You'd better watch that one, she sounds like trouble!

you bet bananabump. So glad my conscience is as clear as Evian.

Sorry but you all sound so judgemental. What do you know about thuis woman's life? Nobody can look into a marriage and see all that is going on however it may look from the outside. I don't think cheating is good but I wouldn't make such snappy judgements either...

absolutely electra. im more unimpressed with the judging here (and no, milkchoc, you didnt call her a slag so im not talking about you) than i am with the behaviour of a wamn i know a tiny snippet of information about...

ive decided not to stay in touch with people i have found to be v unhealthy for me, so im not saying in a mother theresa, and i do/have made harsh decisions like that... but based on a damn sight more information and time and rounded knowledge of a person and situation. only milkchoc can make that sort of judgement for herself in this situation. all those saying 'i couldnt be friends with that sort of person..' well, im pretty glad i dont have friends like them.

(just to be mature about it)

as banana said, she's telling you this to make you jealous. It wasn't so long ago that she had a real thing for you (if it's the same woman - I think you implied it was). It's probably all bollocks anyway.

I don't understand this obsession with NOT being judgemental. Without knowing this woman's entire life history, I still judge on the facts here that allowing a lover to sleep in the marital bed while your child's father is in hospital is utterly inappropriate, possibly damaging if the child is witness, and just gross, basically.

If we don't ever judge then we have no frame of reference for our behaviour as a society.

It's become fashionable to say 'oh you mustn't judge'. Well I disagree. There is right and wrong. What we mustn't do is CONDEMN. I judge this woman's behaviour as wrong but that doesn't mean I have free rein to do nasty things to her, or incite others to do so.

Honoria - yes, you are right, of course we can and must make judgements on behaviour, or we don't ourselves have any framework within which to lead our lives or bring up our children

Awful, disgusting exciuse for a woman, wife and possibly mother.

yuck.

get rid.

I generally don't post in this topic because you HARDLY EVER get the full story.

Foxinsocks, in most cases the full story would bore most senseless, and it still would not be the full story, without everybody involved giving their stories and opinions too.. lol. Now that would be interesting... popcorn time

oh, I meant to add, Foxinsocks you are right about it being the same woman.

well that, my chocolatey friend, makes it a Very Different Kettle of Fish...