Aibu headteacher undermining me

[Autumndayswhenthegrassisjewel]

I think I know how I'm going to respond to this but would like some mn opinions first!
Scenario: child participates in something at school that I'm not happy with. I tell school I'm not happy for them to participate and they say fine (think religion based) . Next thing I hear is that my ds has had a meeting with the head where he's told why it is fine and he will participate.
For context ds is 7. I'm now more annoyed by the heads actions than the thing itself. Am I right in thinking that if the head wanted to discuss it, it should be with me?as it is I feel our family values and parenting decisions have been undermined and I don't know if I trust other issues to be dealt with properly.
Am I over reacting?

What does the OP imagine will happen if she tells us what the issue is?
Usually reluctance to give crucial details happens when even partial details suggests they were a bit unreasonable.

Did the activity concern Creationism as opposed to Evolution?

I've not come across any mainstream faith schools that teach Creationism.

Well it does depend on what the activity was really. Something on the curriculum that they are required to cover, for instance. Without knowing what the activity was, it is harder to say if your child would reasonably be expected to take part and what the consequences would be for not doing it.

I think that the Head should have raised it with you first, yes (assuming it was a reasonable activity to be withdrawn from) although I am wondering now if whoever you spoke to first didn't actually have the authority to agree that your child wouldn't do it.

Who actually agreed that you could withdraw your child from this? If you feel that the trust has broken down then it may be time to look for another school if your child is willing to move.

Has it to do with sex segregation in another religion?

Instead he chose to spend it talking to her young DC, convincing them (or at least suggesting, underpinned with all the weight of his head teachers authority) that the op was wrong. That's not ok.*

But you don't know that for certain. Who told OP that this happened? Her 7 year old child? Perhaps the head wanted the child's input? Who knows for certain but I know if I ask my 7 year old to retell a story of something that happened it changes each time.

I bet it's LGBT

@ThisReallyIsAFarce -But do you understand that you don't have the right to choose everything your child does at school?

OP said I tell school I'm not happy for them to participate and they say fine

So in this scenario a parent has talked to the school, school has agreed and then gone against parent's wishes. That is not acceptable. The school should have said there was a problem when OP went to see them, NOT speak to a 7 year old without the parent being there

NOT speak to a 7 year old without the parent being there

Although I agree that there has clearly been a communication cock up, I don't agree with this last bit. The Head can speak to children in their charge whenever they like.

I’m quite happy to be told not to speak to any of your dc without permission

Generally yes of course. But if the chat is to go against the parents wishes and tell the child something is fine to do when it has been previously agreed with the parents that it isnt, then it is not ok at all.

NOT speak to a 7 year old without the parent being there

You expect a HT to not speak to a child without a parent being there?

How do you expect schools to function?

We are obviouslytalking about this particular scenario, not everyday school life.
A school has agreed with the parent, then said something opposite to the child. Do you really think this is acceptable?

I’m guessing the head felt he was clearing up some misunderstanding - eg you thought something inappropriate for Christians was happening, he was explaining that it was not like that.

I was going to say yoga in an RC school.

But someone got there before me.

IAmBeyonceAlways

It depends what that thing is. If the parent has told the child not to - for example - follow instructions from a teacher that the teacher is entitled to give, I don't think the HT needs to consult the parent before telling the child to follow the teacher's instructions. It could easily be the parent, not the HT, causing the issue, giving the child instructions they are not entitled to give.

YANBU to be annoyed the head said you could say no and that's fine and then not only change their mind but involve your child rather than having a chat with you.

The actual scenario could be totally bonkers (creationism vs evolution) or not and OP might be completely unreasonable to say no,or not. But if it was unacceptable to say no,part of mandatory curriculum etc then she should've been told that.

But you don't know that for certain. Who told OP that this happened? Her 7 year old child? Perhaps the head wanted the child's input? Who knows for certain but I know if I ask my 7 year old to retell a story of something that happened it changes each time.

Yes that's a fair point.

I'm assuming that the child has explained at least broadly what happened but the reality may be quite different.

I still think under most circumstances I can think of, contacting her before/instead of speaking to the child would have been the best course.

*NOT speak to a 7 year old without the parent being there

You expect a HT to not speak to a child without a parent being there?

How do you expect schools to function?*

I didn't make the original comment but I think it was poor judgement in this case, not that head teachers should need permission to speak to children without a parent present

I think it is gay marriage, the op thinks she will get flamed if she says she opposes it on here. Which is why she is keeping it quiet.

A school has agreed with the parent, then said something opposite to the child. Do you really think this is acceptable?

Depends what it is and the circumstances. OP won't say so no one knows do they

Is it the PHSE lesson covering homosexuality in a Christian school?

Because there was another AIBU on that a while ago and it went entertainingly badly.

Blooming religion! - nowt but trouble!

I want to know exactly what the class teacher said "fine" to.

I can see it's quite possible that OP said something like "I'm not happy to have my DS take part in this activity; I think it will confuse him with regard to his beliefs". And the class teacher says "fine" meaning she understand that OP is not happy and DS might get confused. But OP goes away thinking she's agreed that her child won't take part.

Then later, the HT has a chat with the child thinking s/he is resolving the child's worries.

@Thisreallyisafarce yes i take your point. But that is not what appears to have happened here. Parent and school agree, then HT tells a 7 year old something contrary to what has been agreed - just going from OPs posts.
The question OP posed was Am I right in thinking that if the head wanted to discuss it, it should be with me? It could be that the 7 year old has got things wrong/a bit confused, which is why I feel that the answer is Yes - the head should have discussed it with the OP.

Don't do gay marriage or gayness in pushed at age 7.
I reckon the op has stopped her kid doing divali activities or something similar and doesn't want everyone to know she's a racist.

IAmBeyonceAlways

Again, it depends what it was.