Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

She's got a brass neck

Sorry but why on earth would you do your job for free? Would you ask her to clean for free? Also tutoring pays more than cleaning so there really is no point to this arrangement- and at this point you would be better off financially and timewise if you did the cleaning yourself.

Never mix business with pleasure or business with business! Unless you had both been strictly professional using thr other's services this was never going to work. If you stop doing it she will probably quit your cleaning or start doing a crap job maybe and you'll have to sack her off. Nightmare. Lesson learned here!

Unfortunately you now have a pupil who wishes to pay for your time tutoring! I cannot believe cleaner is messing you around like this as I have horrible memories of desperately trying to find a maths tutor for my daughter. It also cost a pretty penny - not meaning maths tutor doesn't their pay. Daughter has dyslexia and wanted and needed a number of tutors. Cleaner is being disrespectful and dismissive of your skills.

Start deducting a tutoring fee from her wages or ask If she would like to do an extra hour in lieu of paying tutoring fees. She will soon stop bringing her!

YANBU - this is CF'ery. I don't like to ask how long you've been doing this. Why do people not see this type of work as commensurate with a physical job??? I work in a professional role and am often asked for free advice by either people I barely know or on behalf of a friend I've never met. I'd never charge, of course, but those people wouldn't dream of giving me a free haircut/facial/whatever they do or even a token thank you.
You must stop this arrangement or make it reciprocal so she cleans for the same time free - even then she has a bargain as like PP said tutors charge more.

Ok thanks everyone! I'm really not being unreasonable then! For full context I don't have any other private pupils (i teach at secondary level) and I'm aware that she doesn't have the funds to pay for private tuition under normal circumstances. Was happy(ish) to do her a favour but I suppose I now feel like she's taking the arrangement for granted!

The other complication is that the daughter is lovely and I can already see what a difference one to one help is having!

How odd that she expects you to do it for free; I wouldn’t even expect a friend to do it for free.

I didn't have the funds to pay either I just took extra work on - some of it quite soul destroying to be honest to pay for the tutors.

Cheeky fucker is right! Text her and say "Hi Joan, I've been asked to take on another student for tutoring but I am pretty full on at the moment so I will either need to stop tutoring Mary and take this person on or you can take the slot of the paying student. I told them I would give you first refusal. It's x per hour, let me know what you decide as I have to get back to them by tomorrow afternoon"

How much do you pay ph? I pay about £12 ph for a cleaner - a good tutor would be at least 25 ph.

She's a CF.

I would just say something like " i keep meaning to ask you how do you feel it's going? Is it something you'd like to take up properly? My usual fee for tutoring is £xx an hour but I wanted to check whether you wanted to go ahead with it or whether you'd rather leave it?"
Say it with a big friendly smile.

They're being lovely because you're being a mug.

Time to ask for reciprocal arrangement on fees.

She’s waiting for you to raise the subject and so are you. Who breaks first? The longer you leave it he worse it gets.

Tell her that after the next lesson you will need to start charging your usual fee ( that you have not her pupils is irrelevant). Also add that if the child is late her lesson will not extend beyond the hour.

Boundaries OP, boundaries.

Start charging her, the arrangement will end. That's the problem with giving your time for free, people take the piss.

That’s outrageous that she expects you to do this for free!

As a pp says you’d be better off financially and time wise if you just did the cleaning yourself.

This is outrageous.

If you were offering a swap (1 he tutoring takes 1 hr off cleaning costs) then it would be just about okay.

Just tell her straight: "I didn't mind doing a couple of sessions as a favour but I can't continue to do it for free. Would you prefer to find another tutor, or for me to deduct the cost of tutoring (which we can discuss) from the amount payable for cleaning?"

Yes you're all right! She cleans tomorrow and I'll be around (half term yayyyyyy) so I'll raise it with her then. I'm a total wuss with confrontation and she's quite spiky - so all your suggestions are really welcome thank you!!!

Qualified teachers working as private tutors in London via an agency can cost nearly £100 per hour, or more.

She is massively taking the p to expect you to work for free. I'm surprised a discussion regarding payment or reciprocation has not come up.

It sounds like you need to end the tutoring arrangement, and probably get a new cleaner. Can you ask your neighbours for recommendations?

Sorry, I don't think an hour's lesson of tutoring is the same as cleaning. I would expect to pay more for tutoring as it's one to one and pretty intensive.
I wouldn't continue and I would tell her why. I'm afraid I don't really get why you offered it for free in the first place even though you explained her circumstances.

Why would she not have offered to pay in the first place? I am actually surprised you have the time - so this is a big ask for you. If I was asking someone to tutor my child, I would always pay them. Does she realise how much extra work goes into tutoring? I am surprised you didn't sort this out to begin with. She is very cheeky complaining about your cancelling when she's not even paying. Speak to her and explain you don't have the time to do this on a long term basis.

Just seen your update. I'm a teacher and I've encountered people like that. I'm assertive at work but up until a few years ago, I found that kind of confrontation tricky. Just keep it straightforward. She may be a good cleaner but she can't be the only one in your area. Balance your resentment re: carrying this on against a bit of uncomfortable confrontation...