Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

I think IAmNotLikeThem is your cleaner OP.

I've found over my long career that people think teachers do their job for love. Teaching is not real work, after all. My school at one stage used to pimp me out to all and sundry to do translating work, for free (or as a PR stunt). The best arrangement I ever had was exactly the OP's - my cleaner friend did my house while I tutored her child. So what if I could have earned 4x the amount commercially - it worked for both of us.

Hazykates I could not read the whole thread because I was busy. Please could you send me all the theory and the homework on email so I can do it in time, if I can make it, for next week. Hope this is not too much trouble. Thanks!

I do think that there are some parents who think that as you're a teacher you should enjoy teaching spending your free time unpaid with their child.

tararabumdeay please read the whole thread. OP is now putting the relationship on a clearer track.

A bit different from you, but I'm a jeweller so I always get "oh, I snapped this chain.. would you mind doing a wee did up for me" or "a stone fell out, if I bring it on the school run tomorrow could you pop it back in and get it back to me at pick up time" and on it goes. They all think that everything is a 5 minute job and won't require any material so doesn't cost me anything. But it does. And they don't take just 5 minutes. I always did it at the start as I felt I had too but now I say "yes, that repair is £X so I will bring your invoice along first". The cheeky behaviour soon stops.

Tararabum - absolutely I'll get straight on that please thank you.... oh darn there goes those boundaries again. IAmNotLikeThem - sadly I was not including you in my thanks for those that have helped - you and your delightful breed of self righteous judgement can do one!

I wouldn’t mention money at all unless you want to carry on with the tutoring.

Better to do as a pp suggested and tell her that you are coming to a busy time at work and won’t have the time from now on. She can’t argue with that.

She might not know where to begin finding a tutor. If you are feeling bad about letting her down (you shouldn’t) you could maybe offer to help her find one.

Iaimtomisbehave - good for you! I don't understand people who expect things for nothing which is why this has taken me aback - I would always always offer payment and if they refused give tokens of thanks. It just sucks because I really bloody liked her (the cleaner). Had a string of nightmarish experiences and she is SO fastidious... everything gleams!!!

I think you can use the half-term as your starting point.
"Hello cleaner, lovely to have time for a chat instead of dashing off to school. I've really enjoyed this trial period with your daughter; I think I can see progress. How do you feel about it?
If you think it's working well, we need to sort out payment; I usually charge xx per hour, but if that's an issue, we could do cleaning time in lieu. What would suit you better? Or would you rather call a halt?"

Notlikethem. My post was a pastiche of CFery.

Teachers are not workers - it's a vocation. A struggling student, of any age, is like a bleating lamb on a faraway hillside. That's why so many students learn the trigger words 'I'm confused.' which translates as 'I wasn't listening.'

I find that if you do not charge for a service you can find that you have attached no-value to it.

If you are willing to do it for free it's obviously not worth all that much. And loads of people are good at Maths, it's not all that hard to teach right?

You know that 's not true, you know that your work (and time) has worth. But your cleaner has missed this bit. At the very least you could accept reciprocal payments in her time, but even then you are doing her the favour.

So I think I'm going to say - 'things are getting super busy at school and I'm struggling to juggle everything around the house and teach minicleaner. I'd normally charge for private lessons but if you'd be happy to do some extra cleaning for me while I taught her to help me keep my head above water then that could work?'
What do you think?

Ha! No charisma. 🤣

Sounds like a good place to start. I would go one stage further and say it is £35 per hour and as I pay you £10 per hour you would clean 3.5 hours for me for each hour I teach your daughter. Then it is very clear for both of you.

*figures are examples.

**don't forget to register for self-assessment (in addition to PAYE for your cleaner).

I wonder how much charisma IAmNotLikethem has in real life?!

in terms of, 'From each according to their means to each according to their needs.' an hour for an hour seems fair.

OP, I think it is perfectly phrased.

Aaaaah you work for the inland revenue - now I understand!

I think that’s a mixed message, OP. Either you’re too busy, or you aren’t.
If you offer to carry on with the tuition that suggests the latter.

Tarabum - yup I agree - I'd be more than happy with an hour for an hour!

Aaaaah you work for the inland revenue - now I understand!

Not at all. In fact the Inland Revenue was abolished in 2005. It now called HMRC. They give no quarter to disorganisation when it comes to paying taxes.

I think that’s a mixed message, OP. Exactly.

Myimaginary - thanks I wondered if it might be! I was aiming for insinuating if I teach your girl for an hour I miss an hour when I could be cleaning / folding laundery / ironing / generally keeping up with the house etc etc... (which is totally true!) so if she did that instead I could spare the time - but not clear enough?

IAmNotLikeThem - I think I love you!