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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my cleaner taking the piss?

585 replies

hazykates · 24/10/2018 19:16

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

OP posts:
Witchofzog · 25/10/2018 12:01

That is astonishingly rude. She would be getting an absolute bargain AND her daughter would be better off at school and she says no even though she just spends the time texting. That is absolutely shameful of her and I am not surprised you are seething op

Miggeldy · 25/10/2018 12:03

Grabs popcorn.

Littlechocola · 25/10/2018 12:03

See what she says when (if) she turns up. Maybe she’s replied while doing something else hence short direct reply. Or maybe she’s plain rude.

tillytrotter1 · 25/10/2018 12:06

If you were offering a swap (1 he tutoring takes 1 hr off cleaning costs) then it would be just about okay
The cleaner would still be getting a bargain!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/10/2018 12:07

She might be a great cleaner but she has NO manners.

Perhaps she can’t afford your hourly rate and doesn’t have any extra hours to clean (she has other kids so maybe she is already working all her child free time?) and maybe she can’t afford to do without the money from the time she already cleans for you...I can see why it’s possible it might not work for her, but bloody hell, a thank you for the time already spent and the generous offer wouldn’t go a miss.

She might be more polite when you see her later. Maybe she was just upset because she feels SHE is letting MiniCleaner down by not being able to get her the tutoring she could do with and reacted badly. Maybe she is a CF, but more out of a desire to help her kids and felt if she didn’t make mention it her DD could benefit until you raised the issue. People do behave badly sometimes when they feel a bit trapped.

Or maybe she is just a plain old cf?!

It’ll be interesting to see what she is like later.

But just a thought, IF you end up working out a way to do it, don’t forget you need to factor in some prep time. It’s nit ‘an hour for an hour’ if you’re prepping in advance as well.

BolleauxtoBankers · 25/10/2018 12:09

How can she "not do that" if all she is doing whilst minicleaner is being tutored is sit in another room in the same house, texting?

Dontaskmyname · 25/10/2018 12:11

I am afraid in these situations it is easier to say no from the outset, i.e. you are too busy, you have got no spare capacity etc. Because acquaintances/friends/colleagues do not take kindly to it when you charge your normal rate and apply you normal T&C to them like any other customer, they expect favours. And favours like these never turn out well as you have found out the hard way.

If I am not comfortable telling the person straight this is my fee and these are the T&C, I do not even go there. It is not worth the upset and the grief you are gonna get. If they want something for nothing, I am not in that market. Sorry.

I am a tutor, but my H is an electrician and he gets exactly the same crap. Be clear in your own mind that any work you do for friends/their friends/ colleagues is going to be done for "mates rates" if you are lucky to see any money at all! Not worth getting embroiled in this. You are too busy, sorry can't possibly fit any extra work in. Leave it at that.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/10/2018 12:13

Most times that I've taught mini cleaner she's just sat for an hour in the other room texting!

Ah. Ok. I assumed she was dropping her off and looking after her other kids while you were tutoring. If she’s been sitting innhervarse texting I’d be livid that she hadn’t offered to donstuff fir you while you were tutoring her DD. Definitely a CF and yes, sadly, time for a new cleaner. I’d let her clean today though, no need for you to miss out on that as well, she’s going and enough free already (obviously I’d, reluctantly, pay her for today).

florafawna · 25/10/2018 12:13

Good deeds never go unpunished.

YuhBasic · 25/10/2018 12:14

Omg sack her!!

ApolloandDaphne · 25/10/2018 12:15

That is very cheeky given that she isn't actually doing anything else when you are teaching her DD for nothing! You would think she would be happy to exchange some extract cleaning for the tutoring. Seems like a good deal to me and will be her DDs loss if she refuses.

Chartreuse45 · 25/10/2018 12:16

I think it is moot that certain cultures are more direct, especially as each anecdote is referring to "my friend". You are her employer and that is a different situation. Here, in Germany people are extremely direct but not to employers or even the head waiter in a restaurant! A friend of mine was served a pizza with a wasp baked in, she called the waiter over and said "there appears to be an unwanted extra topping". You treated her better than most would feel a friend could ask, subbing her anything up to £210! If she comes with a present for you or a heartfelt excuse for the text, then possibly press restart. Otherwise follow your instinct in the last post and finish the relationship!

Original poster
hazykates · 25/10/2018 12:17

Thanks all. She's not from northern or Eastern Europe - a Londoner born and bred! And thinking about it I don't think she's once said thank you before or after I teach, just a alright then see you next week after I tell her how mini cleaner is progressing. Aaaah fuck it. Let's see how she is this afternoon! She's due here at 1pm. I'll make her a tea ask after mini cleaner and see if can get to anything that might excuse her weirdness!

OP posts:
reservoircats · 25/10/2018 12:17

Wow what an incredibly rude reply from her! After you have been so kind teaching her daughter for nothing, what a cheek. If it was me I'd be sacking her as that has completely changed my opinion of her and wouldn't want any bad blood in my house.

Happygummibear · 25/10/2018 12:18
  1. She may be a mumsnetter and a little upset she has been talked about on here
  1. Someone who is a mumsnetter and told her about this thread (see above)
  1. She may be buying you a thank you gift on her way to work
  1. She is a cf and doesn't value her daughter's education over her texting thumb

If she doesn't come in apologising with a big bunch of flowers and a thank you card then yes you are gonna have to let her go..... maybe a long the lines of... thank you for being a great cleaner your work has been top notch but your attitude towards me and my time stinks.... just because I work for the education department does not mean I am at liberty to give free education outside of my working hours.

Op you have done a great job and your service to help this young lady has been great. I hope my dd has a math teacher like you when she is old enough to be at school!

Orchiddingme · 25/10/2018 12:22

A friend of mine was served a pizza with a wasp baked in, she called the waiter over and said "there appears to be an unwanted extra topping" I like it!

MrMeSeeks · 25/10/2018 12:22

I can’t believe she wouldn't want to do an hour clean for tutoring and not even a thank you!

ohdeardeardear · 25/10/2018 12:23

How rude is she!

Greyponcho · 25/10/2018 12:24

So no “thank you for all you’ve done so far”? Confused

platesandflowers · 25/10/2018 12:24

She's British? Rude cow then.

And she's sits there texting while you tutor mini cleaner? If I were her I'd ask if there were any jobs I could do for you while you did it.

She's a taker.

Candlelights2345 · 25/10/2018 12:31

Sounds like a case of bad attitude I’m afraid ☹️

loobylou10 · 25/10/2018 12:34

Wow! How rude - she wouldn’t be cleaning any more for me after that no matter how good she was.

kikashi · 25/10/2018 12:36

CFery of the highest order. No more lessons for minicleaner. She's not your responsibility. Your cleaner has played on your kind heart.

mintyfresh00 · 25/10/2018 12:36

God peoples rudeness is just astounding sometimes isn't it. Don't let this get to you though, you're in the right here

Boredisboring · 25/10/2018 12:41

If you're not sweating, then you're not working. Do you really expect to be paid for sitting chatting to her daughter for an hour? Lovely kid too, no trouble at all Wink

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