Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

For the life of me, I cannot understand some of the questions that people need to run by AIBU: 'Someone I pay to do their job expects me to do my job for them for free, and have got a bit of an arsey attitude towards me about it. AIBU to think they're taking the piss?'

How can you possibly not work this out for yourself?

I'm starting to feel really stupid for carrying on with this for so long! I think I've got a fair bit of guilt in having a cleaner in the first place - and when the person who cleans my loo asks for a favour for their child my guilt goes into overdrive. It's all very middle class and pathetic!

“I think minicleaner is making excellent progress with her maths but as of next week I won’t be able to tutor any more. Happy to help you find another tutor and get you some prices etc if that helps.”

OR

“Cleaner - have really enjoyed tutoring minicleaner but I now need to find some paid work in the evenings. Happy to take her on as my first new tutee and my hourly rate would be £xx”

OR

“Sorry the the tutoring is not working for me any longer. “

Aaaaah the 'not working for me any longer' statement - so brilliantly applicable to so many situations!!!!

I would definitely say that now you have offered a few 'trial lessons' for the daughter, would she like to continue? And if she says yes, say great, I was thinking about exchanging services - a lesson for a clean? Make sure you are setting up an arrangement, and then you can blooming well not pay her for an hour if you have taught her daughter for an hour!! (also tell her that you need to be punctual with times, it would be a shame if she missed half her lesson, etc...)

PS you could say something along the lines of 'normally I would charge x an hour, but I'm happy to exchange time for time as a kind of mates rates', something like that

smile nicely and tell her that "Work is ramping up some extra projects and you're gonna be swamped so need to carve out some extra time. Isn't it wonderful that her daughter is doing loads better and doesn't need any more tutoring!" Even if the daughter isn't, white lie anyway.

That's a nice way to end the free-loading but... since she never offered to pay then she might feel like "you owe her" and she'll be mad that you're stopping. Be open to the possibility that in a few weeks you might have to get a new cleaner...

oh, I like *AllTakenSoRubisUserName"'s suggestion! If you just want the free-loading to stop.

Iamnotlikethem - I have a feeling I wouldn't like tutoring your child either so fair enough! 

Alltaken and ohello - excellent suggestions thank you!

You are disorganised and I sense no charisma from you. There is no way I would send my child to you for tutoring

Weirdest post I’ve seen in absolutely ages!

Look^^, some unsolicited feedback on your ability to tutor op! What good luck! And from someone on the internet who’s never met you too. I hope you’ll be reconsidering your career now then ?

Ohdogrowup - I know!!! I'm deeply grateful for her insight. Luckily being a secondary school teacher I've developed a beautifully thick skin!

I would ask her how long SHE saw this lasting for as it cannot go on indefinitley and that usually you are paid for any private tuition (even though you don't do any normally)? Would she like it to continue for a set time with payment or does she think her daughter has had enough tuition now?

Kind of gives you both an out.

I hope you’ll be reconsidering your career now then wink?

I was taking OPs post at face value. Why shouldn't I. And if you post on a forum feedback is never unsolicited. OP doesn't need to consider her career so I am not sure why you OhDoGrowUp suggested it. Her boundaries and the people round her are another matter.

OP, don’t feel guilty - I kept my cleaner on when I retired because I HATE housework, and she appreciates the money. I have occasionally tutored her children and in return she does some extra jobs and/or takesa basket of ironing to do at home. No way would she expect it for nothing!

My friend is an English teacher and charges £35 per hour for tutoring (and she's disorganised, not sure about charisma ). Tutoring is quite a middle class phenomenon I think, so possibly your cleaner isn't aware that it's a thing people pay quite a lot for, but still a cf for being late, rude and not offering anything in return.

Does she clean for free? If not then she is taking the piss.

Well this thread took an unexpected twist on page to wow ffs lol!
Definitely bring this to a end op unless she wants to exchange tutoring for double amount of cleaning or some kind of deep clean because shes taking the piss big time.x

I think IAmNotLikeThem might be onto something. How about "I've realised I have no charisma and I'm disorganised, so with that in mind I'm probably the worst person to tutor your child"?

Or not.

This place is bonkers sometimes.

You should have said 'No'. That would have been fairer.

Does she expect a regular slot?

Aggghgh ok ok I get it!!! I'm a walkover with no boundaries and no charisma - shoot me now for the good of womankind. It was a wonderfully slow drip of an arrangement in formation - we were passing pleasantries and she started talking about her concern for her daughter at school and could I perhaps give her a lesson to see where she could improve. I said yes which was a delicious mix of wanting to help with a fair old dash of middle class guilt. One lesson turned into two, into five and now six... so not months and months worth! I would be more than happy with a skills exchange in payment, I'm fully aware of what tutors normally get (I worked as one for years) but am happy to take a cut to help someone with limited resources. I think the middle class guilt ridden part of myself was thinking that some respondees to this thread would say give her a break, you're in a better situation than her, help the little girl etc etc. But no - it's obvious my instincts were right and I need to change the situation! Thank you for all the suggestions on how to broach the subject - all super useful!

Now that sounds much better.

I recommend talking with her about her expectations. It seems like she does not realise how difficult tutoring is. Either end the agreement or have a contract drawn up for the future. Regarding a new cleaning company ask around for recommendations on cleaners. I’m a part time tutor and I hired a cleaning company to help clean my apartment once a month. Give her a choice. Say “do you want to find a new tutor” to her or talk about the bill. My next door neighbor provides a valuable babysitting service which I pay for.