Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Omg op that is not right. We pay hundreds to dds maths tutor and she’s worth every penny. It’s a real skill and she takes time to prepare for the sessions. She had made dd enjoy maths she has gone from bottom set to sold middle and we will be forever grateful. Would hate to think of her (or you) selling yourself short

It just sucks because I really bloody liked her (the cleaner). Had a string of nightmarish experiences and she is SO fastidious... everything gleams!!!

Something to add into your negotiating?

It is not rocket science.

Make a brew. Sit down at the kitchen table and do a deal based on your gleaming house and her gleaming daughter. Talk together.

In fact, it is time you both slowed down, smelled the roses and made some clear rules. They are knocking on the door here.

Possibly a bit subtle, I wouldn’t count on your cleaner making the same connection.

Work out first if you actually WANT to carry on. (It does complicate your working relationship somewhat)

If not, you’ll need to go with the too busy option. And stick with it.

1 hour tutoring = minimum 3 hours cleaning.

Myimaginery -I do want to help! The daughters lovely and definitely improving in confidence and ability and her mums a struggling single mum with two kids and not much money. I know my 'skill' is worth more but I don't know if my time as a human being is!

"Hello cleaner, I've really enjoyed this trial period with your daughter; I think I can see progress. How do you feel about it?
If you think it's working well, we need to sort out payment; I usually charge xx per hour, but if that's an issue, we could do cleaning time in lieu. What would suit you better? Or would you rather call a halt?

Send this as a text, before you see her. It's perfect

Bad idea.

She's a cheeky fucker, right enough.

How about:

Hi cleaner - I was happy to provide a few lessons free of charge as a favour, but I can't do it long term. I'm sure you understand as you probably wouldn't want to clean every week for someone without being paid either.

But I can see it is helping your daughter so I don't mind carrying on as long as we sort something out. My standard tutoring rate per hour is £x. I understand that's more than you earn per hour, but I really appreciate what a great job you do for me, so how about ...... .

OK you want to help her. Forget whether your time as a tutor is worth more than hers as a cleaner. This is a charitable act.

How about, “I’ve enjoyed helping LittleCleaner. She’s making great progress!

I usually charge x for an hour’s tuition but we could work something out if you’d like her to carry on. I was thinking an hour of your time for an hour of mine - how does that sound? Let me know if this works for you. No worries if not. See you Tuesday as usual.”

I usually charge x for an hour’s tuition but we could work something out if you’d like her to carry on. I was thinking an hour of your time for an hour of mine - how does that sound? Let me know if this works for you. No worries if not. See you Tuesday as usual

Good except for the last two lines. She might assume that “no worries if not” assumes you’ll keep doing it for nothing if paying you doesn’t suit her. She is a CF after all.

OP, as she is a cleaner with two kids and not much money (per your post up thread). How will you react if she says that she can not afford to pay you or to lose the wages from doing an hours “free” cleaning for you yet really appreciates what you’re doing for her daughter and how much it’s benefitting/she’s forever grateful etc. I.e Heart string stuff?

I think you need to be absolutely clear

You need to decide what you want and then express that REALLY clearly to cleaner

SO.....

Now the trial period is over my rate is £x per hour for private tuition

Or

Now the trial period is over my rate is £x per hour for private tuition but I'll charge you £x

Or

Now the trial period is over my rate is £x per hour for private tuition but I'm happy to do free cleaning for free tuition equal time for both

Or

Now the trial period is over my rate is £x per hour for private tuition and I am fast running out of time as work is so busy. However my friend Susie is looking for new private pupils and her rate is £x

Or

I'm unable to continue teaching minicleaner as it's so busy at work right now

Or

I'm unable to continue teaching minicleaner as it's so busy at work right now but I could do 3 lessons at Easter, 2 lessons in half term and 12 lessons in the summer vacation at £x an hour

OP, you're overthinking this. It comes off as a bit condescending, as well, to be honest. How many posts do we need reminding us that the cleaner doesn't have much money and that your time is worth more than hers? Just tell her what you're prepared to do and be done with it.

If she wants to continue I would also make it clear that as you are busy the time slot booked will have to finish at the planned time even if they arrive late.

thisreallyisafarce I absolutely don't mean to be condescending - I was responding to all the posters who were saying what they thought I should charge - and my reasons for going along with the arrangement in the first place (for all those posters who said I had no boundaries!) - and in fact I specifically said that I didn't consider her 'time' more valuable than mine!

I agree with doing it by text, then you can be very clear in your message. I am not very good in person with awkward topics and would end up muddling messages and apologising. If you’re happy to carry on, I’d text her saying now that child has had 6 tutoring sessions, is she happy that’s she’s now caught up. If not, if she’d like an ongoing arrangement you will need to start charging her for lessons in a more formal arrangement, or stop paying for her cleaning services. Text her today to get it over with and see what she responds with.

Ok! Text for clarity is good! She's coming to clean today after lunch - will text her now with more or less the above and offer to have a chat about it when she arrives.

Ok have just texted:
Hi Cleaner! Hopefully will catch you later - we should be in when you arrive. Also would be good to have a chat about mini cleaner's maths lessons. I think the six lessons we've had have really helped and hopefully have caught her up at school. If you want to carry on with some lessons in the next half term to set her ahead of the pack then that's great, but time wise I'll either need to start charging my normal rate or if that's tricky for you we could sort out a different arrangement (you give me extra hand with a extra hour of cleaning whilst minicleaner learns for example). Let me know what you'd like to do! Xx

Send a text saying what funkybobbles said, that’s perfect.

Well done op!

She's just replied...

I can't do that. See you later.

Eh???? I’ve been watching this thread, wtf is that message about??

Short and sweet I suppose! I'm going to apply the same wording the next time someone asks for a favour! Grrrrrr.