Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

I assume she means she can't pay or give time in lieu - which means all lessons are off! Feel throughly peeved though - no sense of any gratitude for the time I've freely given!

Is that all she said? I can’t do that?
Strange response really, but I guess the lessons will need to stop then. If she can’t afford it or doesn’t want to do the extra cleaning in return, she could have just said she thinks the lessons you’ve already given will be enough. And a thank you wouldn’t go amiss. Oh well.

When she arrives later, don’t let her make you feel guilty, you’ve been more than generous already.

That is ridiculous - we pay £40 for a 2 hour maths tutor session (GCSE level).

that reply!! I think you have to assume that she can’t afford to lose an hour’s income from you, so best if the whole tutoring thing is forgotten. You absolutely can’t be expected to continue for free, you’ve gone above and beyond already.

Rude woman! Op some people in life will just take take take as much as they can in life. She's clearly one of them.

well, at least you have clarity and now you can stop the lessons

She’s insane!

I’d bloody love to trade housework and ironing for tutoring

I thought she wouldn't want to give up on any income which is why I suggested an extra hour while I was tutoring! Most times that I've taught mini cleaner she's just sat for an hour in the other room texting! I'm getting more and more annoyed! It'll be hard not to seethe when she arrives!

Christ alive how fucking rude!!!! I wouldn’t be able to continue with her as a cleaner after this - it would be awkward and I would be increasingly annoyed about her failure to even say thank you for your time!

I'm afraid this would have soured the relationship for me op!

She doesn’t want to give up an hour of texting so her dd can have free tutoring ?

Well, what can you do?

Oh crap I'm going to have to let her go aren't I! I've got a very different opinion of her after that reply - and I don't know if I want to trust her with keys to my house and being here when I'm not. I think it's the lack of mutual respect. The difference a couple of words can make!

I think you are going to have to let her go - through no fault of your own - but the relationship has now changed. She's not willing to meet you half way

Yes, OP, I think you are. She's shown her true colours and I wouldn't trust her now.

I would pay her for today's hours when she arrives, get your keys back and then let her go without her doing any cleaning today.

Before it escalates, talk to her.

Messages can be tricky and she could be at work with little time to reply.

See how it goes when you have a chat. Although, I have to say that the lack of gratitude would also piss me off.

Yes I'd do as Kings said. Pay her for today but tell her she doesn't need to clean. I'd do this via text beforehand but I'm an utter wimp.

Tutoring is upwards of 25 quid an hr - she is a CF even if she doesn't know it.

I would just say can no longer offer it for free but if she can't do it now then just say to her the doors always open to negotiate and leave it at that.

You are not a friend you are her employer and she is taking the mickey

Wow! A heart-felt thank you would have been the very least I'd have expected.

Get rid, she may make things gleam but she's shown you that she's out for what she can get, which doesn't bode well while she's got free run of your house.

I would talk with her, as someone said, she could be at work and not really able to discuss.

However, if I felt she was anything less than really grateful, which it doesn't sound like she is, it would be hard to carry on. She doesn't seem to really get you have done her a massive favour in your spare time!

Stupid question but are you sure she read the text to the end? I'm amazed at how many people skim through even very short messages and oftem miss the main point. She could have registered "money" then fired off the no-can-do response.

Can I just ask - is she Polish or maybe Dutch or Scandinavian?

My Polish friend gives very blunt replies like this - but she's not being rude, she's just much more direct than British people are accustomed to.

My friend would say "no I can't do that" for example, without any of the niceties British people are used to.

The Dutch and Danish are direct like this too IME. They think we beat around the bush!

If it's a cultural difference then letting her go on the basis of how she says no (ie not in a British way) would be a shame.

How rude!

Very true. My best friend is Dutch and for years I thought she was rude until I realised Dutch people are very blunt and direct!

As you like her as your cleaner, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt for now. Maybe she genuinely doesn’t know how expensive tutoring is and sees it as a favour since you have an actual job on top (and not necessarily relying on the fees, but not her place to assume). BUT let her do the talking when she arrives and see what happens. I suspect she’s busy too and can’t do a full reply, but when she arrives she needs to explain. Then make it clear you’ve given her 6 free lessons and that normally you’d charge x amount, and see how she reacts. She might be a complete CF, it’s not like she’s your best friend asking for tutoring, she works for you, so she really should be saying “sorry I didn’t realise lessons would cost so much, thank you for what you’ve already done, but we’ll stop the lessons” and let her get on with her job.