Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my daughter shouldn't date her former tutor?

264 replies

trob22 · 24/10/2018 09:21

My daughter is 24 and recently finished a masters course. Now she is in a relationship with the tutor who was her personal supervisor, who is 30. She keeps saying that nothing happened until after she got her results so nothing inappropriate, now they are both adults who just happened to meet each other etc etc.... Even leaving aside the age gap, I think that is completely inappropriate for a tutor to even look at a student in that way, never mind to start dating them afterwards. There obviously must have been some flirtatious relationship between them when she was his student for them to start dating so soon after, which I think is horrifying. Is that unreasonable?

OP posts:
Jacqs290618 · 25/10/2018 18:55

It’s only six years; they are both quite young. She was not at school, it is her business really.

a1poshpaws · 25/10/2018 19:20

My lovely husband of many a year was my placement tutor in the 90's. We're very happy together desite a 10 year age gap ... and nothing "inappropriate" was discussed until I'd passed my assignments,which were checked by his senior and the manager to ensure no favouritism had occurred. YABU !

MsLexic · 25/10/2018 19:32

But this is a small age gap!

SuzieCath · 25/10/2018 19:43

Age gap!! Ha! There is 18 years between me and my partner and we've been together for 14years (I met him in the gym when I was 22, an adult and old enough to make my own decisions!!) Leave her to make her own relationship choices as long as she is happy.

NotBeforeCoffee · 25/10/2018 19:56

Hardly an age gap.
You are being really melodramatic, I feel sorry for your daughter if you are going on at her about this.

She’s going out with someone who she has interests in common with, is intelligent, has a good job, is age appropriate etc etc. Chill your beans

Alpacanorange · 25/10/2018 20:03

Very best idea is to myob. She will not want your opinion. At. All.

Nanalisa60 · 25/10/2018 20:14

WISE UP!! You daughter is a 24 year old woman not at child!! have confidence in her decision of who she has a relationship with!! It really is time your cut the umbilical cord!!

Angelil · 25/10/2018 20:21

...I don't think the OP is coming back...

Doubletrouble99 · 25/10/2018 20:28

You are being ridiculous. Only 6 years between them. My mum's best friend married the headmaster of their school - now that's a problem - not what your daughter is doing.

ginger1976 · 25/10/2018 20:39

My Dad used to be my mum's language teacher at secondary. married for 40+ years before he died in 2006 they had a 9 year age gap. Probably a really nice guy give them a chance x

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 25/10/2018 20:49

I would say I am an overprotective mother at times. I am very alert to anything “improper”. I believe that your concern is entirely misplaced and very unreasonable for all the reasons articulated above. You risk alienating your daughter and looking very foolish if you ventilate this anywhere other than on this forum, where you have been given good advice.

StarfishSandwich · 25/10/2018 20:54

One of my very close friends has been with her ex tutor for about four or five years, they have a five year age gap. They’re great together.

I’m failing to see how this is an issue tbh.

tessiegirl · 25/10/2018 20:58

Oh dear.
I too got together with dh who was my lecturer and supervisor whilst I was doing my masters. Nothing happened until I left the uni.
He is 14 years older then me and we are now married and have a dd together!

Sassielassie · 25/10/2018 20:59

😂😂😂 i thought i was going to read a post about a 16/17 year old who was now dating someone who had came in to do extra tutoring for exams.

Velociraptorz · 25/10/2018 21:56

OP I can see why you’d feel uneasy about this. Hopefully it’ll turn out to be OK.

jessebuni · 25/10/2018 22:20

Age gap? That’s a smaller age gap than my husband and I have and we’ve been together 12 years and happily married for 6 of those years. And I was only 19 Blush when we started dating.

My mother was a bit reluctant for the first 6 months but with time she could see that he was a good man and that we worked.

Whether or not she was flirting with him before she finished her masters (which is pretty common with younger students than her let alone adult students) we aren’t talking about a teenager here. As long as her education was not affected by her existent or non-existent relationship with her tutor then I don’t see a problem. And now that she isn’t his student you can have your opinions all you like but you can’t really do anything about it. They’re adults.

Vynalbob · 26/10/2018 00:08

Nothing you can do... It is a worry he may like the status of looking down and may look to another student as your daughter matures but...smile sweetly and be there when or if it blows up.

haloumi · 26/10/2018 09:00

YABU

If it was a school teacher whom she met when she was 12 and then got in a relationship with when she was 30. THAT would be innapropriate...

BUT

People go to university as ADULTS .... it's no different to having a relationship at work. Its not easy, but it's not illegal either.....

Middersweekly · 26/10/2018 09:06

They are both consenting adults. She’s finished her course and he’s no longer her tutor so the rules don’t apply any more. I see no problem here. She’s 24 and he’s 30!

MsJudgemental · 26/10/2018 09:49

Some friends of ours were postgrad and tutor. Been married for years with two children.

florafawna · 26/10/2018 09:51

There's no drama here.

EBearhug · 26/10/2018 11:15

Its not easy, but it's not illegal either...

But it may be against an organisation's code of conduct, and could be a sackable offence in some cases. (Not in this case.)

TitOfTheIceberg · 26/10/2018 11:25

Another thread where the OP doesn't return...I must have a knack of opening them.

toxic44 · 26/10/2018 11:34

An age gap? SIX years? f it was 36 years I'd understand and even then it's up to her what she does and who she wants. Make a performance about his and you'll lose her. You are being VU.

toxic44 · 26/10/2018 11:35

sorry, about 'this', not 'his. faulty T on my keyboard.

Swipe left for the next trending thread