to think my daughter shouldn't date her former tutor?

[trob22]

My daughter is 24 and recently finished a masters course. Now she is in a relationship with the tutor who was her personal supervisor, who is 30. She keeps saying that nothing happened until after she got her results so nothing inappropriate, now they are both adults who just happened to meet each other etc etc.... Even leaving aside the age gap, I think that is completely inappropriate for a tutor to even look at a student in that way, never mind to start dating them afterwards. There obviously must have been some flirtatious relationship between them when she was his student for them to start dating so soon after, which I think is horrifying. Is that unreasonable?

I know two women academics who have had relationships with somewhat younger PhDs/post-docs- in each case the male was late twenties or mid-thirties though.

Yep, there still are! I agree, year-long ones are much nicer.

I do know of one woman academic who's known to be inappropriate with male PhDs, sadly - she was in a very famous US case recently.

I think it's fine....she's not a school girl!

YABU it doesn’t happen often but it does happen. Sometimes while students are still at university. As long as the staff member declares that they are dating a student then it is not a problem.

The students are over 18 they are free to decide upon their own relationships.

You should be happy for your daughter and at least they decided not to take it further while she was still a student. Although as I said above it wouldn’t actually be an issue.

Give over, she's 24 not 15 & what age gap, it's 6 years ffs😐

YABVU

Are we talking Russell group or ex poly here?

I met my dp when he was my assistant..there's a much bigger age gap between us.
They are both grown ups, she was a post grad student, what on earth do you think is an acceptable age gap?

@rosehip why does that make a difference?

I'd be concerned if there was a large age gap and the younger person in the relationship was say 18, but not the one as described.

Were it a drama course and in France we might think about your DD becoming the first female president, but otherwise why worry?

She’s 24...she’s not a child and 6 years isn’t a big age gap at all. Would you feel the same if he wasn’t her tutor and it was just someone she’d met through a friend or at uni?

Sounds like you need to cut the apron strings.
Your daughter isn’t 12.
She’s an adult, he’s an adult....get over it.

Jesus, when my best friend was 24 she was going out with a man who was 22 years older than her.... they’ve been married for the last 8 years.

YABU and very judgemental. I met my husband when he was 29 and I was 20. We’re still together after 25 years; age is a number and as for the tutor thing, she’s an adult - get over it.

OP she's 24 A fully grown woman. Her boyfriend is only 6 years older than her. DH is 5 years older than me and we've been together 15 years. My first husband was 10 years older than me and I met him at 17.

Get a grip and get on with your own life.

Did she get unusually good results in her masters? (LOL)

I agree with all those that say let her get on with it. They are only human so of course they may look at each other in that way in that situation. She’s an adult, so what’s the problem? There’s no age gap at all. Same generation in my eyes. Sounds a good match to me. You should be pleased for her!!!

YABU. She's a post grad not an undergrad. They've got common interests, obviously. He's got a brain and a decent job, apparently.

Is he good to her? Is she happy? That's what matters.

I would be concerned, it's not the age gap, it's the balance of power and I may sound old fashioned but I do think it's a bit odd, and I just don't think it's professional for the tutor to date a very recent student.
When I was at Uni years ago my close friend ended up in a relationship with one of our tutors, it was all very messy and uncomfortable

But as a parent I'm not sure there's much you can do about it.

I really dont understand what your worried about? She is an adult let her make her own decisions

wtf she's 24, get a grip

Positions of power exist for all kinds of reasons - boss at work, landlord, richer etc. It doesn’t make it necessarily wrong. Plenty of people end up with someone they met at work who was either junior or senior to them. She was an adult. As far as we know wasn’t having a serious personal crisis at the time or otherwise vulnerable. I don’t get the big deal. If they were a lot older it would be more questionable but that’s because of the age gap not the student factor. Unless my masters was very different to other people’s my personal tutor didn’t hold a great deal of power at all. I had termly meetings and that’s about it. They weren’t my dissertation supervisor and don’t nessarily even mark anything of yours. Even if they did, the relationship started later.

As she is 24 you will have to accept her choices. If you make a big thing of it you risk losing her. This really does not matter so pick your battles carefully.

Your adult daughter is dating a university lecturer a whole SIX years older than her. I can see the concern!

I think that it will probably work! Tiny age gap (17 years between me and my hubby). At least they have stuff in common. My sister went out with her post grad tutor helper when she was in her first year at uni and it was fine.

FGS get on with your own life and stop interfering in other people's perfectly fine relationships. My m & d had a 6 yr gap. They managed 64 yrs of happy marriage.