To think I am a mug but pay this anyway...

[MrsNacho]

Exp moved 250 miles away, not as soon as we split up but 2 years after. He comes up in the school holidays and collects his children, one with me, one from a previous relationship, has them for a week and brings them back.

He had just text me and said he hasn't the money to bring them home so can I lend him £100 for fuel.

He works full time, I work part time. He doesn't pay maintenance (something always comes up which means he can't afford it that month. He pays for his other child)

He does all of the journeys but it was his choice to move away. His parent moved and he followed them, he had a job etc in our area.

So AIBU to think I am a mug but really I have no choice but to give him the money. They are back to school on Monday and he doesn't get paid till Wednesday.

More of a rant really but so frustrated!

From the experience my friend has had with the CMS, l wouldn't hold much hope on getting any money any time soon.

They have very little power and delay attachment to earnings over and over. Was quite shocked at how little they did to help my friend in a similar situation

you say you sdont want to punish them i think sending them to a useless man who knew he couldnt bring them back is punishing them

the mans a twat noone asdked him to move away

I agree to pay it this once as a one off and sort out child maintenance, may not be much but better than nothing, check though.hes not ask ing the other mother for money too xxx

I agree with previous posters, the petrol won’t cost £100 for a round trip.

Good for you OP. If you contact CSA you will get more than the nothing you get currently. Also glad you called his bluff on the slushpetrol fund

The other ex went through the CMS which was how she got paid. Wether that will continue now he had changed jobs I don't know.

I am a soft touch because I value our friendship, I am slowly realising that the friendship only goes one way. He only rings when he needs to borrow money.

Good for you. If your DS misses a few days of school it won't be the end of the world.

And each time he wants to pick his ds up, make sure he can afford to bring him back.

He’ll lose a friend over this, you won’t. It’s sad you have to face that, but better that you do.

I would send another text saying if he's not able to bring them back by Sunday, hewill need to ring the school on Monday and explain their absence. You've got this now. Don't let him off the hook.

I would not pay. I would call his bluff, he won’t want to not return his other child as his EX would probably call the police!

No offence but your ‘friendship’ sounds like you’re being walked all over. Whatever he says he probably has a lot more respect for his EX who doesn’t accept his bulls*

Luckily DS has inset day Monday so will only miss 2 days of school where as his other child will miss 3.

I feel really guilty but I am going to stay strong.

While I'd be annoyed, I would still pay - for your child's sake.

Stay strong!

Stay strong OP!

I was going to say that him working FT and you PT is kind of irrelevant - much depends on your outgoings (eg one party might have a small mortgage to pay each month, the other huge rent for an equivalent home) and any top-ups (eg CTC).

Then I read the rest of the thread.

What a dickhead he is.

He is the CF for not planning it out properly and making sure he had enough money to bring them back! If you give him this money you probably won't see it again and he'll do it again. You could either just call his bluff (they might be a couple of days late back to school at worst) or to be honest if it were me I would just drive over and get them myself. Then tell him he can't take them next time if he hasn't got the money to bring them back. Why doesn't he pay CM? I would get onto that pronto too.

I am just wondering why you are doing the worrying about CMS and his work. He has a duty to pay. They don't care where he works. If he doesn't pay they take legal proceedings against him. It's not your lookout or concern, he will have to provide information.

He's blackmailing you with the whole taking your children away thing and then not having enough money to bring them back. That is blackmail. Is also kidnap if he does not return then and he can't make your responsible for that (I haven't got enough money, so you must pay or they can't come back - what a load of ol' shite, as nan would say)
He should pay for his dc, all there is to it. Then there is no power over you.

If DC are returned late make sure the Local Authority is aware your DS was in the care of his father and it is he who is responsible for the absence. In fact, notify the school on Tuesday re the reason. A fine is the last thing you need.

Well done OP. He needs to get his arse in gear and support his child.

As pp says, tell him they won't come again (after you have them back!) He can tell school why he kept them out.
He is controlling you.

Well done OP!!! Bloody marvellous.

Don't you feel good for standing firm?

I bet he miraculously finds the money and brings the DC back.

He pays zero maintenance, he chose to move away, he took the children anyway knowing funds were tight and now he wants you to pay for his return trip. If I’ve understood correctly please stay strong.

I am glad that you are going to stay strong OP, as you sound such a nice person,with proper feelings about all people.. I hope that all the things that need doing,will get sorted out for you soon.

A hurtful realisation OP, but very good for you. I just saw you are not going to tow his line on this, and I think it's sad that you feel any guilts for his wrong-doing.
He will have to stand on his own two [adult] feet now, and be responsible for his own decisions slopy shouldered arse

Will there be any fines for missing school & will he be paying them?

I know kids have a right to see their dad, but where do you draw the line & say that actually they are suh a shit dad-what's the benefit?