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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how many of you actually dress up nicely in bed

215 replies

Cringing123 · 22/10/2018 21:12

When you are having sex with your partner?

I’m doing an informal survey on behalf of my twat of a husband who told me that the attached pyjama bottoms are not sexy enough bedtime attire for me to wear for when I get in to bed, on the off chance that we may have sex (we are ttc so that’s happening more regularly than normal at the moment)

Am I unreasonable to wear something like this before bed or even god forbid, TO bed, when i know intercourse is on the cards?

to ask how many of you actually dress up nicely in bed
OP posts:
PourSomeSugarOnMoi · 22/10/2018 22:46

Oh fuck that - he should count himself lucky he's even in the running for a shag.

I hate 'sexy' bed wear, especially those silky nighties as they make me sweat.

I have an assortment of pj bottoms, similar to yours and they are fabulous!

multivac · 22/10/2018 22:47

People dress for bed?

Confused
Knittedfairies · 22/10/2018 22:47

Buy him some silk boxers and a pair of silk sheets; with any luck he’ll slide right out of bed..

Celebelly · 22/10/2018 22:47

TTC sex is shit, though, so I do think sometimes you need to go above and beyond to elicit an, ahem, reaction sometimes. I think if you're expecting him to perform on cue on certain nights, sometimes a bit of encouragement is helpful!

NonaGrey · 22/10/2018 22:52

I feel sorry for the husbands, who have to deal with a partner so up tight they can’t have an opinion on some pyjamas

It’s not about having an opinion on PJs Gizzy it’s about the OP’s DH telling her she’s “not sexy enough”.

MrsStrowman · 22/10/2018 22:52

When I'm not pregnant and weeble shaped I like wearing nice things to bed, even if it's not about sex. I have a few silky playsuits or just pretty cotton night dresses, or French knickers with matching camisoles. At the moment I'm wearing giant t shirts mainly...

MrsStrowman · 22/10/2018 22:53

To be fair I don't think it makes any difference to DH though, he's still up for it when I'm ill/hungover and wearing his batman pyjamas

Original poster
Cringing123 · 22/10/2018 22:54

Absolutely that it’s the TTC that’s the underlying issue, and completely get the point that by me rocking up in these is reinforcing that I don’t feel sexy and that I am having sex to conceive. I will compromise and I will have a look in town tomorrow for some nice bits.

Sorry for the dripfeed but didn’t think it was hugely relevant at first, we already have 1 Toddler DC which perhaps explains my lack of “feeling sexy” at the minute.

OP posts:
Sleeplikeasloth · 22/10/2018 22:56

Can you not have 'ttc sex' but just have unprotected sex? I think because we now have contraceptives, people now put sex in two groups a lot of the time - fun sex, and ttc which is stressful and a chore.

Whilst if you've been trying for a long time I can see why you might want to pay attention to timing, can't your sex life just continue as before, just with no contraception.

And sorry, but I would not sleep in those pj's if I lived alone, let alone if I wanted sex to be in the table.

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 22:58

It’s not about having an opinion on PJs Gizzy it’s about the OP’s DH telling her she’s “not sexy enough”

Well to be fair, if my husband came to bed in the male equivalent of old jogging bottoms and a t shirt, he wouldn't be getting any either. Call me shallow but there it is.

Anyway for me, I don't get how she can sleep in all that material. I though folks stopped wearing actual real live pyjamas to bed when they hit puberty, Confused

Justincase87 · 22/10/2018 23:00

I don't think you need to lose the comfy pyjamas - maybe just some plain black jersey trousers with lacy edges and a matching black vest top, even a long sleeved black jersey top looks vaguely attractive - ttc is shit - I'm using the ovusense atm to track my cycles so imagine my DH's joy when I have to pop that out of my foof if he decides to be spontaneous! Good luck!

Rebecca36 · 22/10/2018 23:01

Always wear corsets and a boiler suit, don't forget hairnet!

Husband should wear combinations. Good in cold weather.

Sleep in separate rooms too, the hunt is the most exciting thing about it.

Or in the car and pretend you're teenagers.

laadedaa · 22/10/2018 23:01

I have that exact pair of pj bottoms! They come with a brown long sleeved top.

(Misses point of thread)

Original poster
Cringing123 · 22/10/2018 23:02

@bluntness, I feel the cold a lot, and don’t tend to sweat much in bed i also sleep with my legs hanging out

OP posts:
eggncress · 22/10/2018 23:02

What does your dh plan to wear to bed by way of
making an effort?

Not those boring black boxer shorts again?Hmm

Demand he wears something sexy too or just carry on wearing the pjs

His attitude is so unsexy, it would put me off ! ( you have to make an effort for him because he’s a man but he won’t bother his arse to reciprocate)

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 22/10/2018 23:04

If nothing has changed since before you started ttc then I'd postpone ttc to be honest. He's feeling under pressure or whatever which wouldn't be a problem if he spoke to you about it. However, he's putting the blame on you (I'd guess to protect his "manhood" or something).

My partner and I have a child each both under 5. We're ttc and I always wear nice underwear but I did even when I was single because I like it. I also wear pjs when I feel like it! We've always had sexual activity every night and still do now we're ttc.

Of course if you've only just started to wear such things when you usually wear nice pjs or whatever then that's slightly different.

BroomstickOfLove · 22/10/2018 23:05

When I got together with DP, we were students, it was winter, and I lived in the converted loft of a house where the boiler broke down and the landlady didn't replace it for 4 months. So our passionate, romantic, couldn't get enough of each other early relationship sex usually involved starting off with multiple jumpers and gradually removing layers as we progressed. Pyjamas really aren't a problem. Having said that, when we had a toddler, we hardly ever had enough energy for sex and would go for months without shagging.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 22/10/2018 23:05

@Bluntness100 I hardly ever sleep naked - I get really cold in bed (despite not feeling the cold/heat in the daytime) and properly can't sleep if I'm even slightly cool. The upside of that is that I can sleep fine during heatwaves. But I'm a frequent bedsock wearer, sadly. Off to slip into some now Grin

SecretWitch · 22/10/2018 23:09

I am in one of his T-shirts and boxer shorts almost every night. In the summer I wear nothing.

Maybe have a chat with him to see what his issue is. You certainly are not obligated to follow through with assless chaps or pasties but perhaps you might find out what’s really going on.

NonaGrey · 22/10/2018 23:11

Well to be fair, if my husband came to bed in the male equivalent of old jogging bottoms and a t shirt, he wouldn't be getting any either. Call me shallow but there it is.

Goodness.

I won’t call you shallow Bluntness. A bit precious maybe... Wink

SilentIsla · 22/10/2018 23:12

Some of you are funny. 🤣

Jux · 22/10/2018 23:15

So, he's unable to perform but is blaming you; and you really want another child with this pathetic boil of piss?

Gizzygizmo · 22/10/2018 23:19

Nonagrey - From the original post her OH stated the pj bottoms are not exactly sexy, not his partner.

SushiMonster · 22/10/2018 23:20

I wear the most sexy clothing at all, my naked skin

Shockers · 22/10/2018 23:22

You can borrow my snot green slouchy t-shirt if you like. It only has one toothpaste drip down the front tonight, and it’s wide at the bottom for easy access.

I want it back mind.

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