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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not know how to respond to this message...

646 replies

WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2018 12:14

...from a "gentleman" with whom I had a recent liaison?

"Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to slim women, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of men dictating to a woman what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think. As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck women up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh."

Suggestions for an appropriate response would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 22/10/2018 14:16

"I'm so relieved that you've decided to be so honest early on! I was wondering when I should say a similar thing to you.

You see, I only like guys who are really earning a lot of money. Your clothes/car/dates really aren't up to the standard I usually expect and frankly I was a little embarrassed to be seen with you last time. I know that some people cant help the jobs they find themselves in temporarily, but I'm sure if you really try you could get at least some applications in this week. You could probably get a loan to cover the gap in the meantime.

Let me know when you have a less "budget" amount to work with and I'll let you know some of my preferred date locations. Glad we could have this chat, looking forward to hearing from you soon!"

SilverySurfer · 22/10/2018 14:17

What a complete twat.

I think I would be tempted to reply saying something like: 'Hi, I was
relieved to get your message actually because I was sitting here trying to pluck up the courage to send a similar text to you about your shortcomings but now I won't have to, phew.' Then block him. It will drive him crazy wondering what you think his shortcomings are Grin

SchadenfreudeUndeadified · 22/10/2018 14:19

Reply using the same message, but edited so that it refers to the size of his penis.

THIS ^

But preface it with "Thank God! I had wondered how to tell you this, but . . . "

Cheeky bastard!

IAmBeyonceAlways · 22/10/2018 14:21

"Urgh thanks urgh for your urgh message. Seems we urgh are in the same place urgh-mazingly! You urgh want me to be urgh smaller - I would urgh love you to be urgh bigger!! See urgh yer"

livingontheedgeee · 22/10/2018 14:21

"You want me to be thinner, I want your cock to be bigger. We can't have everything we want".

dontalltalkatonce · 22/10/2018 14:22

What Maia or Letitcia wrote and then block entirely. I had one like this. Hadn't shagged him yet and had no plans to because in real life he wasn't good looking enough for me. I just told him it's never any good to punch above your weight because you just end up with your arms in the air looking like a cunt, oh, wait . . . and blocked.

meridianmum · 22/10/2018 14:22

Don't respond at all! That travesty of the male species is a waste of space.
He doesn't deserve another moment's thought or attention. Ignore him, block and/or delete him!

MissLadyM · 22/10/2018 14:23

Say 'Ugh isn't it ironic? I'm really attracted to BIGGER men! I had zero desire to see you again anyway so good luck to you and your little friend. Ugh ugh'

Volant · 22/10/2018 14:24

"I have to be honest. I thought the other night that you were really quite shallow and thick, and unfortunately your message has confirmed it. I am really attracted to men with a couple of brain cells and an ability to use them rationally, I can't help it and have tried before, without success. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to educate ourselves and develop the ability to be logical, avoid bigotry and avoid being a shallow arsehole. I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. Unfortunately there seems to be no way of you meeting me in the middle on this because I am realistic and realise that you can't just grow a working brain overnight. So bye!

JuneFromBethesda · 22/10/2018 14:26

I like roundbottomflask's reply - brilliant Grin

“Hi, wouldn’t normally reply to a ONS but I LOVED this! Have posted your msg up on various forums and it’s gone VIRAL. Thanks for cheering me up, I needed a laugh after last night!”

gothefcktosleep · 22/10/2018 14:27

There’s a middle finger emoji. That seems appropriate.

Just reply “urgh, urgh, urgh”

BrennieGirl · 22/10/2018 14:28

'I am genuinely embarrassed for you.'

Then block the misogynistic turd.

SilentIsla · 22/10/2018 14:31

MarthasGinYard

Yelping me too

Hhhhmmmmmmm

Ah. Wunderbar.

longtompot · 22/10/2018 14:31

I like @FadedRed s response personally.

"Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to well hung men, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of women dictating to a man what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think. As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck men up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh. Urgh."

Then move on and waste no more of your valuable time thinking about this waste of space.

diddl · 22/10/2018 14:39

"Eh? What is he even trying to say? What a load of offensive, rambling guff. I wouldn't even reply"

I was thinking that I was the only one that could barely make any sense of it!

I don't think it's worth responding to tbh.

He's not worth the effort imo.

I might manage "?"

Pigeonpost · 22/10/2018 14:39

I'd be responding with emojis only. One laughing emoji and one middle finger emoji. No words needed. Then delete and block.

MiroUnicorn · 22/10/2018 14:42

As Bluntness100 said “No worries (name) all the best for the future"

I think that response would be absolutely spot on!! Very blase and basically and at the same time showing him that you aren't crying into your pillow re his hurtful text. He is truly a total tool!!!

BalloonSlayer · 22/10/2018 14:42

How about "urgh this is horrible for me" ?? I think you mean it's horrible OF you. But totally with you with the constant urgh though, love.

ladydickisathingapparently · 22/10/2018 14:43

I’m so sorry but I don’t think I recollect our encounter. Unless you were the guy with the halitosis, thinning hair, micropenis, and the sexual staying power of a gerbil? I wish you well in your search for love, but if that was you then please don’t contact me again. I’m still bleaching the sheets and airing the house from our last encounter. Best - Wiggly.

Joey7t8 · 22/10/2018 14:43

Reply using the same message, but edited so that it refers to the size of his penis

The whole thread assumes he has a small dick, based on nothing. What if he’s hung like a horse?

Best action is to ignore completely. It’s a very odd message that has likely been written to trigger a response for some weird sense of trolling/entertainment.

ladydickisathingapparently · 22/10/2018 14:44

(I’d actually not respond at all but wrote that for my own satisfaction).

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/10/2018 14:47

OMG - the sad thing is that it’s quite common. Over 10 years ago I had a “boyfriend” who told me that he’s never been with someone as unfit as me. Apparently I wouldn't like to know what his friends said about me - he was so nice not wanting to tell me the details Hmm

ApproachingATunnel · 22/10/2018 14:52

‘Gosh, im so glad you started this conversation as i’ve been feeling awkward unsure on how to start talking about things. I really like you on many levels however have been struggling with carrying on pretending all is fine. Thing is, and please dont take this personally, i always had ahem, bigger partners. That’s what i like and sorry to say you don’t quite cut it for me. It was lovely and sweet what we had but not quite as satisfying. Would love to meet you in the middle re your likes however i don’t think you’re able to easily get where i’d like you to be. Glad we are having this open conversation and putting all cards on the table. I think it’s best if we carry on looking for more suitable partners. Best of luck.’

Thebluedog · 22/10/2018 14:53

I love Volant’s message...

Although a simple ‘thanks, but I’ll give it a miss - all the best’. This really just says I’m not that into you.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 22/10/2018 14:57

I would send back a picture of you getting ready to enjoy a massive, delicious creamy eclair