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Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 22/10/2018 13:44

I would respond to her comment so everyone can see why she’s not a bridesmaid. She’s making out like she’s close to you and has been asked.

Say “sorry I don’t know what reason you have to think that after 4 years of not speaking to me for no reason that you would be a bridesmaid at my wedding”.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 22/10/2018 13:46

I thought if you blocked someone you couldn't see any posts or anything related to that person?

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 13:47

What are you going to do?

BarbarianMum · 22/10/2018 13:51

Good God, just tell her to do one. Or block her.

A very good friend ghosted me some years ago. It was - is - very painful, she was one of my closest friends (I thought). Then 2 years ago she started sending chatty Xmas and birthday cards out of the blue, no mention of the fact that we'd not spoken in 4 years. Brought all the old hurt back so I just bin them and hope she'll stop. Wish there was a block you could put on Royal Mail.

zzzzz · 22/10/2018 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DartmoorDoughnut · 22/10/2018 13:54

Yeah I’m in the find out why camp, it’ll bug you now and us lot if you don’t!

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 13:55

If you are going to reply to the comment of the post then be very careful, airing dirty laundry on facebook makes no one look good and as you Don't know why she blocked you or anything about her this past 4 years i would be the type to make you out to be the bad guy.

Bodabing · 22/10/2018 13:56

I had similar, a good friend blocked my for 4 years with no falling out. It upset me and made me worry for her but she had also moved. Then I get a message and friend request as she wants me to do her a favour. One that would take a bit of a drive and several hours to complete. I replied in a nice way, asked how she was said I had been worried and knew she had blocked me. She just answered how great it all was and could I help. I answered no and boom she vanished again.

Take PP advice, just ignore and block, further contact might be tempting but could end up being hurtful all over again. Don't give her the opportunity

BrendasUmbrella · 22/10/2018 13:56

It's a very old friendship to throw away without at least asking her why she blocked you. She may have a good reason. (I can't imagine what it is, but she may have one.)

DeaflySilence · 22/10/2018 13:58

"as I have already stated a few times, my mum was tagged in the post so therefore her 60-odd Facebook friends could see it too and she was one of them."

Yes, I saw that. It explains how ex-friend saw it, not how she managed to comment on it on your FB page.

If it was the tagged status on your mum's FB page ex-friend commented on, there is no reason why you would answer her comment on someone else's page.

If, however, her comment carried back to appear on the status on your FB page, surely that is a matter of your settings.

zzzzz · 22/10/2018 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

naivetyisthenewblack · 22/10/2018 13:59

Just ask her why she blocked you!! What have you got to lose?

DeaflySilence · 22/10/2018 14:01

Either way, fine to ignore if after 4 years, or ... if you prefer to draw a line under things ... message her simply saying how you felt when she withdrew her friendship years ago, but that was then, and now you have no desire to try to re-kindle things.

BigusBumus · 22/10/2018 14:05

I worked out a few years ago that one of my closest friends had been using me for years and the friendship was very one sided. I didn't block her, just unfriended her and her husband. That was 5 years ago and she has never messaged me or text or anything, which I would have expected if she actually gave a shit about me, rather than what I could do for her all the time. Then out of the blue her husband messaged me in the summer asking me to build a stage for him for a DJ slot her had at a town festival 50 miles away. (We own a scaffolding company, so would do this kind of thing for good friends for free). I was so shocked at the CF-ness of this I didn't reply. He would have been able to see I read it though. :-)

ExplodedPeach · 22/10/2018 14:18

The sensible thing to do is probably just ignore her. But I don't think I could resist asking her wtf happened

roundaboutthetown · 22/10/2018 14:22

I'd probably reply that, sorry, but being blocked from all contact, with no explanation, for 4 years does not a friendship make.

Aridane · 22/10/2018 14:24

I would just ask why she hasn't be in touch in the last 4 years and specifically why she blocked you. I would be too curious not to ask

BloomsButtons · 22/10/2018 14:24

I had a friend who dropped me some years ago with no explanation. She'd told em previously that she screened phone calls and just ignored anyone she didn't want anything to with so when she stopped answering my calls I knew I'd been dumped.

Four years later we ended up working in the same building and she started talking again but I always kept her at arms length although we'd chat in the corridor or at coffee time.

Earlier this year I noticed she'd blocked me and her DH Unfriended me then when I saw them in the street they looked right through me. No idea what I've done this time either!

There will be no third chances for her.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 14:25

@DeaflySilence if you tag somebody in a photo you have posted on your own Facebook account, it automatically puts the privacy setting as 'friends of tagged' meaning anyone who is friends with the person tagged can like/comment/interact with it

OP posts:
AGHHHH · 22/10/2018 14:25

Hahaha what the actual fuck?

CF is putting it mildly! She sounds deranged!

theodoracrainsgloves · 22/10/2018 14:25

Have you mentioned to your parents that she's suddenly got in touch and is expecting a starring role on your big day? Because I'm wondering if something has been said by your folks to hers that makes them all think she's a shoe-in for BM…

ciderhouserules · 22/10/2018 14:31

God it happens a lot! I had a close friend (kids same age, joint birthday parties, went on holiday together, did lots together, spent hours on the phone...) until I split from my ExDH. I think she thought I was now 'damaged goods' and she ghosted me - moved house, changed mobile phone number, landline number, email, the lot). I tried to send a 'moving house' card trhrough the kids, tried to contact her; nothing.
i got a 3 line email about 6months later, which I ignored.

About 6 months later on (so a full year after she'd moved and disappeared) I got a snotty text asking why I'd not been in contact! Apparently 'good friends' should be able to pick up where they left off (after she'd fallen off the planet) and I 'should' use her new email/mobile addresses to contact her.

i didn't.

Funnily enough I saw her about 3 years later, and she was all smiles and chat. I made my excuses - I really don't need this shit.

MulticolourMophead · 22/10/2018 14:34

OP, have a chat with your mum, see if she can shed any light on this before replying.

LavenderBush · 22/10/2018 14:35

Maybe it's time to talk to your parents about this and make sure they're clear on the situation (and the history of blocking). Apologies if you've already done this, but it sounds a little weird that your mum is still FB friends with her and that makes me think your mum may not be aware of her behaviour towards you.

You don't want any mixed messages about wedding invitations / bridesmaid positions getting back to her via your parents' friendship with her parents.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 22/10/2018 14:39

She's an utter CF & you should reply with some variant of the "you haven't spoken to me in 4yrs & you blocked me. You're not coming & deffo not a bridesmaid" replies. Then crack on with your lovely wedding Smile.

I stopped talking to a friend when I was down a bit of an MH rabbit hole. I didn't mean to and it's shit, but I'm to embarassed to start a conversation and think she's moved on. I would NEVER thinking of getting back in touch for something like this! I might be a bit shit but I'm not a user. Your ex-friend is really cheeky and brass necked, OP!

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