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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
DeaflySilence · 22/10/2018 14:40

"it automatically puts the privacy setting as 'friends of tagged'"

De-activate it or, if it usually suits you, then leave it and simply opt to ignore it on this occasion.

Ignoring ex-friend in the process or, as I said earlier, if you prefer to draw a line under things then respond to her comment by messaging her and telling her how she made you feel when she withdrew her friendship.

dontalltalkatonce · 22/10/2018 14:40

I would completely ignore her and tell your mother privately what she did and move on.

Ariclock · 22/10/2018 14:50

I would definitely ignore her and block. Definitely tell your mum though incase the cf ex friend complains to her parents.

magoria · 22/10/2018 14:54

I wouldn't just ignore. I would actually send a message telling her she has to be bloody kidding. She is no longer a part of your life.

She blocked you and went NC for 4 bloody years!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/10/2018 14:57

Ohhh I wouldn't block her. I wouldn't accept her as a friend either though.
And I'd make your settings so ONLY Friends can comment. And stop tagging your mum or anyone else who is friends with her.

I wouldn't respond either though.

But that's because I'm petty - I'd let her see it all going ahead, without her input, without her being invited, and without her being able to comment. Grin

Or you could just ask her why she blocked you for 4 years.

whattheactualfuckery · 22/10/2018 15:03

Just leave her hanging... no need to reply at all

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/10/2018 15:11

How bizzarre. I’d either ignore & block or ask why did she decided to unblock me after so many years and why did she block in the first place. She’s coming back and wants to have a ready made circle of friends.

Raspberry10 · 22/10/2018 15:12

I had a friend do this, similar situation. I know the reason she disappeared and blocked us all, her much older boyfriend didn’t like me or any of her friends. Ten years later, she rang me out of the blue and acted like nothing ever happened. Then I never heard from her again. Don’t give her any headspace and just block and ignore.

Polkasq · 22/10/2018 15:13

So are you going to ask her then?

AdoreTheBeach · 22/10/2018 15:16

Don't forget, no reply is a reply in itself. So no reply is good enough.

Then change your settings so she can’t try more communication by commenting on your posts.

astoundedgoat · 22/10/2018 15:17

She sounds deranged, and I would do what others have suggested - no response at all. Don't block or anything, just nothing. Don't dignify her with a reaction or response.

PuppyMonkey · 22/10/2018 15:21

Or you could just react to her post with a Shock

It's a shame they don't have Hmm on FB though.

huttub · 22/10/2018 15:22

I'd reply and say thanks for your message but why are you expecting to be a bridesmaid when you blocked me and have ignored me for the last four years?

BumDisease · 22/10/2018 15:24

I know that block and move on is probably what I'd like to do in this situation but I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking her WTF she was playing at.

THEN block and move on.

Unsuitablelake · 22/10/2018 15:25

i would reply "I already have my bridemaids ready, but thanks" . Who in their right mind would think this is ok!? Weirdo

Fink · 22/10/2018 15:26

You can delete the comment off your post, I've had it happen to me before.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/10/2018 15:27

Do you know who the boyfriend is? Could it be an ex of yours?

SharpLily · 22/10/2018 15:27

I know that block and move on is probably what I'd like to do in this situation but I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking her WTF she was playing at.

^ This.

If you do decide to message her, OP, please let us know how that conversation goes!

NurseryFightClub · 22/10/2018 15:29

This happened to me, was most bizarre thing, I invited her to the day do, obviously not as a bridesmaid, and a month before I had to say she could no longer come even as a guest as she was stressing me out so much.

longwayoff · 22/10/2018 15:31

Ha! Id tell her my friends and I decided the bridesmaids months ago. Bye

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 22/10/2018 15:32

The temptation to ask her will be huge, but you should just ignore it. Unless you want to repair the friendship. If you want her back as a friend then start a conversation. If you don't then ignore it.

drinkygin · 22/10/2018 15:33

There’s no was I could ignore and block without asking what the hell happened. I’d message her asking why she blocked you and why she thinks she’s going to be your bridesmaid. She definitely wouldn’t be getting invited to the wedding though!

Failingat40 · 22/10/2018 15:34

What a wierdo she is!! She's only doing this because she thinks her family will all be involved in your wedding!

I think your Mum should be stepping up here and deleting this woman from her Facebook to preserve your privacy.

Your friend cut her ties 4 years ago so she made her bed, she can now lie in it.

Ignore the request and tighten up both you and your Mums security & privacy on FB.

Belina · 22/10/2018 15:36

"She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid"

this message is a piss take, i would of replied and said something like a lot has happened in the 4 years we havent spoken when you went missing :-)
invite her but dont make her a bridesmaid

AlphaBravo · 22/10/2018 15:36

"Erm... "Bridesmaid?" Are you high... why would you even be on the guestlist?? Fuck off!"

Then delete. Leave permanently on unread and never give her headspace again.

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