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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 12:18

@bowdownbeforelokitty she's still travelling at the moment, funnily enough she's due back around 2 months before the wedding although she wouldn't know that as we haven't sent out any invites confirming the date yet

OP posts:
Yonijust · 22/10/2018 12:18

Grin Was she pissed?

Block.

Feefeetrixabelle · 22/10/2018 12:19

I would ask her via message why she thought you would be asking her to be bridesmaid after she cruelly blocked you with no explanation and no reason you were aware of.

SinkGirl · 22/10/2018 12:19

I have a friend who I’ve known for about 15 years. She struggled with infertility and had many failed IVFs. I got pregnant in 2016 and she got pregnant a few months later - everything was great, she was constantly being supportive on Facebook etc, then one day she just started ignoring me. Wouldn’t respond to comments I made on her posts, stopped responding to me generally. I asked her if I’d done something wrong - she said no.

Then a few months ago she started commenting on my posts again, but she’s still ignoring me if I try to contact her. She’s pregnant again and I sent her a message congratulating her, but she’s ignored it. I honestly have no idea what I’ve done wrong and the whole thing makes me really sad.

In your shoes, it really depends - do you want a relationship with her? If I’d been friends with someone that long I’d be able to say “hey, why have you shut me out for four years?”. It would depend how she responded what I would do next!

SillyMoomin · 22/10/2018 12:22

weird. Leave it pending and if her parents ask you why she's not a bridesmaid, just say you didn't think you were both very close any more

citychick · 22/10/2018 12:24

I'd be tempted to find out more too.
Can you meet up in a public place ( so less chance of her exploding in anger at you - maybe) and ask her why she blocked you?

Then you can calmly explain that she won't be a bridesmaid for you ( if that's what you want).

People do funny stuff - maybe she is a cf or maybe she's had mental health problems. Who knows.

Either way they ball is in your court. Now's your chance to refriend or not.

Good luck

bowdownbeforelokitty · 22/10/2018 12:26

@Dogmum94 MMMM Well that's quite the coincidence. Do you think your Mum has mentioned to her Mum your Wedding Date? Why would she think that without a goodbye, call, email, SnapChat, Facebook or communication via any of other numerous social media platforms that you would want to have her in your Bridal Party. She left to travel for years and couldn't even say goodbye it's bazaar.

Frogscotch7 · 22/10/2018 12:27

I’d reply “oh are you talking to me again then?” and see what happens.

CupMug · 22/10/2018 12:27

Haha, I bet your friend is a Mumsnetters and is having a laugh at your expense. She probably has a bet going with her friends about who can get a Mumsnet thread written about them the quickest. Possibly with bonus points for a corresponding Daily Mail article.

I’d respond to her comment about being your bridesmaid with a ‘Who dat? 👀’. Not because that helps with anything but because it’s funny.

MatildaTheCat · 22/10/2018 12:30

Sounds like the blocking and ignoring coincided with the boyfriend becoming serious. So you know if they are still together? Possibly he could have pressured her into dropping you.

You have to ask her what’s going on, none of s can relax until we know! Grin

eddielizzard · 22/10/2018 12:32

I wouldn't accept friend request just yet. Ask her why she blocked you.

WidowTwonky · 22/10/2018 12:33

If you've left the FB friend request pending....change your privacy settings so that only friends can see your posts.

It's crazy that people still leave things public

Akanamali · 22/10/2018 12:33

I’d respond to her comment about being your bridesmaid with a ‘Who dat? 👀’. Not because that helps with anything but because it’s funny.

That's debatable

Pinkyyy · 22/10/2018 12:34

She seems slightly delusional to be honest and I would have to put her straight. Send her a message to let her know how she made you feel and that she is not a BM, nor is she invited and that you considered your friendship over a long time ago and don't wish to rekindle it now that she is coming home. She cannot essentially press pause on a friendship for however long she likes and then expect to resume like nothing ever happened

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 22/10/2018 12:34

What a shitty thing to do made doubly shitty by the reappearance without explanation.

Fuck her. I’d block her on everything and go back to loving the life you’ve formed without her in it. Who knows if she’d pull a stunt like that again and you don’t want to be living in fear of it happening.

EK36 · 22/10/2018 12:35

It's strange she hasn't explained herself to you! Think you should ignore it. Why would she be your bridesmaid after the way she ignored you?! Don't invite her to the wedding what ever you do.

Clearoutre · 22/10/2018 12:37

Don’t overthink this, esp. knowing her ability to ‘disappear’.

If you’d like to be back in touch then I’d be tempted to have it out and ask what happened but if not then reply with something detached that tells her where you two stand e.g. “Thanks so much! Hope you’re well.” Short, polite, no details shared & no questions warranting further reply.

She sounds like she has zero self awareness to send you such a gushing message after 4 years with no apology or explanation.

Seafoodeatit · 22/10/2018 12:38

I agree that if you'd not accepted her request to make sure you privacy settings are changed/checked so that anyone can see your posts. I would just block and not respond and see how she likes it but I'm a meanie/wouldn't be bothered engaging with her when she's coming across so entitled and completely ignoring her own behaviour.

Seafoodeatit · 22/10/2018 12:38

not just anyone*

Hissy · 22/10/2018 12:38

Just keep her ignored. Adjust your settings to Friends only and then after a while, delete the friend request

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 12:43

@MatildaTheCat sorry I probably didn't make it too clear from trying to make my post as short as possible, the blocking happened a few months before she got with the boyfriend and they went travelling very quickly after getting together

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 22/10/2018 12:46

Was it sent at night? She must have been drunk it's so insane.

LurkingWaspi · 22/10/2018 12:47

Who dat
Must be the Jim Davidson Appreciation Society arriving Hmm

I'd not bother responding and tighten privacy. CF

BlingLoving · 22/10/2018 12:47

Normally, I'd say ignore. But in light of parents still being friends, I think that might be tricky. And if her parents are close o your parents I'm guessing there's a good chance they'll be invited to the wedding?

In which case, I'd respond saying thanks for the congratulations but as I haven't heard from you in four years and obviously you wanted to end our friendship as you blocked my number and from social media, obviously won't be expecting to see her at the wedding. Then wish her well for her return with some anodyne comment about how you're sure her parents will be happy to have her back. Then ignore friend request and move on.

Wineandpyjamas · 22/10/2018 12:48

Truly bizarre behaviour. I think if you’re even slightly interested in potentially getting the friendship back I would send her a fairly terse message asking why on Earth she blocked you for years and then go from there.

However, I’d always be worried that she could pull something like it again and that would stop me being able to build the trust back to what it was and have a meaningful friendship.

If you’re not interested I would simply ignore her. Friendship is a two way thing and it’s crazy that she thinks she can just waltz back after years and pick up where you left off.