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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
2cats2many · 22/10/2018 13:20

Are you going to ask her why she blocked you? Surely that's what you want to know- what happened and why she treated you that way.

Gemini69 · 22/10/2018 13:21

another vote for IGNORE and BLOCK ... she's a cheeky ignorant cow Flowers

WonderTweek · 22/10/2018 13:22

Oh yeah, don’t leave the friend request hanging as you might do what I did in a similar situation. Had one pending for ages and then one day my thumb slipped and I accidentally accepted it. 🙉I then had to quickly remove her. Awkward.

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 13:23

I did think about blocking her, but then that makes me as bad as her doesn't it? And I almost don't want her to get a reaction from me so I have just ignored it so far, and left the friend request as pending so I haven't declined her but haven't responded either

Nope she blocked you out of the blue while you were still in contact and you thought friends. You are blocking her after 4 years of silence and no explanation.

Refuse the friend request. And block her! no one has time for this kind of friend

ExCharlieBucket · 22/10/2018 13:24

Clearly it's about saving face - her parents will be going, won't they!
Embrace yourself for pressure to invite her along with them!

Butterflycookie · 22/10/2018 13:26

I would want to know why she blocked you aswell! Please ask her. Didn’t your parents mention to her parents that she has blocked you?

FuzzyShadowChatter · 22/10/2018 13:27

If she'd just gone AWOL and unfriended for a while - even for years - and then tried to reconnect in a way that seemed sincere, I'd say give her a chance.

That she's gone AWOL, blocked you (but not the rest of your family which seems like she was trying to make some sort of point), and the first thing she does when she gets back in touch is try to make it all about her, how she feels about it, and the place she thinks she should have at your wedding - nah, that's a cheeky fucker to be best be rid of.

I did actually blocked a family member for acting similarly, it hurts a bit because on one side we'd been through so much together but really her main focus became all about her image and I'd just become gossip fodder and a way for her to go 'look at me' through what I was doing when it became apparent she cared so little otherwise and I had to prevent that from happening further for my own well-being.

Willowcat77 · 22/10/2018 13:29

I'd really want to know the reason for the blocking - such a weird and hurtful thing to do for no apparent reason 🤔 Maybe there was some terrible misunderstanding you don't know about?

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 13:31

@ExCharlieBucket no her parents won't be invited, they are my parents friends now and not mine so I don't see any reason to invite them

OP posts:
Travis1 · 22/10/2018 13:32

I'd have to laugh react to her comment but I'm petty af.

DeaflySilence · 22/10/2018 13:32

"I have just ignored it so far, and left the friend request as pending so I haven't declined her but haven't responded either"

Do you allow people who you haven't accepted as FB friends to comment upon your FB page?

I think you need to review your settings.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 13:33

I would tell her: thank you for your Friend Request after all this time, you deleted and blocked me for no reason and it hurt, why? Now you want to be friends again without an apology or explanation and my bridesmaid. I find that very hurtful and rude.

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 13:33

its not about her parents its about the fact she is coming home 2 months before the wedding and see that as the perfect chance to re introduce herself to old friends and make a new social circle it has nothing to do with you. once she is settle with a friend jobs ect she will dump you again!

OVienna · 22/10/2018 13:34

Why is she so desperate to be a bridesmaid? (Wonders if you're Beatrice Windsor and secretly got engaged...)

This is so weird. Surely she can't expect to be asked but I am half wondering if she's looking for a way of passing the time wherever she is and a good ding dong with an old friend when you tell her 'not likely' is one way of doing it. I think I'd ignore it.

OVienna · 22/10/2018 13:36

Some people thrive on drama, she sounds like one of them.

poobumwee · 22/10/2018 13:37

an old school friend blocked me a few years ago. No idea why. Was a bit upset at the time, but now could not care less. Better off without people like that.

I'd also agree with what Awdbovril suggested. She cannot expect to slip back into your life after 4 years out of it and I'd echo what Bovril suggested about making it clear that she will neither be your bridesmaid or be getting an invitation to the wedding.

Openup41 · 22/10/2018 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 13:37

@DeaflySilence no, as I have already stated a few times, my mum was tagged in the post so therefore her 60-odd Facebook friends could see it too and she was one of them.

OP posts:
Halfahunnerstillastunner · 22/10/2018 13:40

I would reply ‘you blocked me four years ago, I can’t imagine why you think you’d be my bridesmaid let alone be invited.’

This ^ then block!

ThatssomedeadbratCarrie · 22/10/2018 13:40

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t ask her. She is a CF yes but at least give her s chance to explain herself and you a chance to let her know how it made you feel. Make up or get closure then move on.

FFSFFSFFS · 22/10/2018 13:41

I would send her a Facebook message simply saying you were surprised to hear from her and specifically asking why she blocked you.

And then come back on this thread and update how she responded.

Weepingwillows12 · 22/10/2018 13:42

It's such an odd thing to just block someone when nothing had happened. Was it out of character or did she run hot and cold with people. If odd, I think I would ask why she did it and entirely ignore the bridesmaid comments

beachcomber243 · 22/10/2018 13:43

My half sister behaved like this. She disappeared once after slamming the phone down on me when I'd asked if I could call round for an hour or so for some support/chat after I'd been dumped unexpectedly...she lived a short walk away. It was the only time I had ever asked anything of her at all. I didn't see her for years.

Fast forward to a period of time after her husband left her and we saw each other a lot. I forgave the past, I thought we were fine, everything ok. After I had cooked a meal for her one evening she asked for her house key back as house was going on the market. She'd met another bloke and was moving in with him.

Haven't seen her or heard from her since. Sounds like this CF friend has the same mind set. Just ignore and block.

GenericHamster · 22/10/2018 13:43

Hmmm, to give the benefit of the doubt, some people do go through mass deletion phases. I've had ex colleagues delete everyone from work then a few years later add me back as they realise they still want to stay in touch (more hmmm).

I would ask why I was blocked!

puzzledlady · 22/10/2018 13:43

ask why she blocked you - you deserve to know to get some closure.

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