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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 12:49

@WidowTwonky she was able to see it as my mum is tagged in the post, and anyone friends with my mum can therefore see it too.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/10/2018 12:49

Are you still close with her family? Will they be invited? (Will she find out via them when and where it is)

How can she post on your stuff if she’s not a friend?! Change those settings ASAP!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/10/2018 12:51

Hang on. Your mum stayed friends with her for all these years after she blocked you? Did your mum not say anything?

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 12:52

@BlingLoving I don't really tend to see them anymore unless I happen to pop into my parents while they are round, still friendly and would say hello and chat to them etc but not sure they would be invited to the wedding. I feel it would be awkward to invite them given the situation, but I also wouldn't want to invite them just because my mum thinks her friends should be there

OP posts:
Rhiannon13 · 22/10/2018 12:52

Split up with her boyfriend and has remembered she has friends? She was probably pissed.

Ignore, block, forget all about her.

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 12:56

@aaaaargghhhhelpme not planning to invite the family as they are my parents friends rather than mine. She could see it as my mum was tagged in the post so anyone friends with my mum could see it. Yes she stayed friends with her on Facebook but not actually in contact with her, think she was mostly just being nosey with what she's doing travelling etc iyswim

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/10/2018 12:56

Just reply with, "Sorry, I've picked all my bridesmaids."

indieshuffle · 22/10/2018 12:56

It is possible that she had some sort of MH problem, or a controlling relationship so I think it is worth at least an email to her asking what happened. I wouldn't be falling over myself to be reacquainted though.

If you don't get much from her or don't like what she has to say then you can cut contact.

ThirdChildFourthPile · 22/10/2018 12:58

Don't be a doormat, ask her why she thinks it's ok to block you for years then unblock you and assume she has a large part in your wedding?
The audacity.

TatianaLarina · 22/10/2018 12:59

I’d just ignore her.

A580Hojas · 22/10/2018 13:01

People are very strange aren't they? The things they come out with!

DannyWallace · 22/10/2018 13:02

I'd HAVE to ask what she's playing at. Just very nicely, without accepting the friend request, asking why she blocked you.
Don't mention wedding or anything. See if she tells you!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/10/2018 13:05

Thanks op. I have my settings to just friends only. I think it’s safer that way.

To be honest she sounds a bit off her head. It’s one thing to get in touch and say congrats how’ve you been etc but quite another to assume you’re a bridesmaid.

I find it odd none of her family (still close to yours) have done anything. Surely you’d want to get to the bottom of it etc? Smooth any tensions? Or at least apologise for her out of character behaviour.

Did she do it with anyone else when she left the country?

Is she returning because she wants to or does she have to (split with partner/run out of money etc)

Thehop · 22/10/2018 13:06

I’m far too invested in this, you have to keep us posted 😂

I’d either ignore and block or reply with pp suggestion of “thanks hope you’re well”

Legageddon · 22/10/2018 13:10

She’s got FOMO
Just ignore and ignore the friend request. You retain the moral high ground that way!

SheSparkles · 22/10/2018 13:11

“I wanted to ask you to be my bridesmaid but couldn’t as you’d blocked me on everything, so I’ve asked someone else. Byeeeeee😂

Bobbybear10 · 22/10/2018 13:11

I would send a message asking her what the hell happened with her blocking you! That’s insane Shock

I could sort of understand it if you’d had a massive falling out but to just randomly block you is very, VERY odd.

I can’t imagine how it didn’t completely fuck with your head. It’s almost sort of mental abuse to get you questioning yourself and giving her power over you and getting you to beg her for a response or to ‘like’ you again.

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 13:12

@aaaaargghhhhelpme yeah I don't ever have anything set to public for everyone to see, but my mum is friends with a few family members/family friends that I'm not friends with so I don't usually mind seeing them if I've tagged her in one of my posts as she doesn't have that many friends on Facebook so not too risky if that makes sense
She's returning as her VISA is coming to an end and she doesn't want to extend it, her plan was only ever to go for a few years and then come back home again. Still with the boyfriend as far as I can see

OP posts:
SuperGekkoMuscles · 22/10/2018 13:13

I would reply ‘you blocked me four years ago, I can’t imagine why you think you’d be my bridesmaid let alone be invited.’ I would want to know what her excuse was.... than block her.

Ilikeknitting · 22/10/2018 13:13

Just block her and never think of her again. Cf!

Ngaio2 · 22/10/2018 13:14

I’d be too curious to know just why she originally blocked me to just blank her. Ask her why and why she’s decided to contact you again. Tell her you were very hurt at the time. After she’s replied you can decide whether to maintain contact for old times sake or to cut her off. Not suggesting you make her a bridesmaid, that train has passed ( no pun intended)
Good luck for your wedding

grumiosmum · 22/10/2018 13:14

Ignore the bridesmaid comment.

But do ask her why she's been NC for 4 years - and why she's decided to get in contact now.

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 13:14

@Bobbybear10 yes definitely, it was so hard after over 20 odd years of friendship for her to suddenly disappear and have no idea why. I kept wondering if I had done something but there was honestly nothing that could possibly have triggered it apart from her having an odd moment. In the end I just accepted it and filed it away as something sad but nothing I could do about it

OP posts:
SezziBaybee · 22/10/2018 13:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

SummerStrong · 22/10/2018 13:18

Option A: Make your facebook account private (so that only friends can see your posts) decline her friend request.

Or

Option B: Block and ignore

(You should choose option B)