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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
Blackness78 · 24/10/2018 19:14

I had a similar situation. Told her that I accepted her apology but no longer wanted to keep in touch.

LL83 · 24/10/2018 19:16

Perfect response OP, direct but not aggressive.

ISpeakJive · 24/10/2018 19:34

Personally, I wouldn’t have indulged her.

A breezy ‘Sorry, who are you’ would’ve suited me fine.

But you’re probably a much nicer person than me, OP.

thefourgp · 24/10/2018 19:39

Well done OP. I don’t believe in becoming friends again with close friends who ghost you. I was so close with one friend that she called my mum ‘mum’. She got into a relationship, dropped all her friends and ignored all contact I tried to make. I bumped into her a few years later, she apologised (now single) and asked me to give her another chance. I did and she ended up sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back. I think you’ve worded your reply very well but please don’t get your hopes up that someone who could be so callous to you once wouldn’t do it again. X

confusedmomm · 24/10/2018 19:41

Well done OP! Good reply. Let's see what the explanation is, if any

TenForward82 · 24/10/2018 19:46

Good reply, op. I had similar from a friend who dropped me when I got pregnant, after she reappeared I tried to get her to talk about why she did it, but she was in full-on denial mode: "our lives just got busy and we drifted apart" - err, no, you turned into a cunt then started ignoring me.

Some people don't want to face up to their own behaviour and how it affects others. That's her issue and not yours.

Ninabean17 · 24/10/2018 20:00

Well said! Fully expecting her to turn this on you though..

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 24/10/2018 20:03

Good message from the OP. Clear and to the point

Hidillyho · 24/10/2018 20:14

Op, if I was you, I would definitely make your FB settings private as I’m not sure how she would be able to see it otherwise.....Grin

It’s funny how weddings bring the crazy out in people. Usually the bride, maybe you have a bridesmaidzilla on your hands!

GreedyBastard · 24/10/2018 20:14

perfect reply she sounds odd indeed.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 24/10/2018 20:16

Friend was clearly expecting you to be so grateful she was back in touch that you wouldn’t say anything about how she behaved. Now that you’ve called her out I doubt she’ll reply.

Gemini69 · 24/10/2018 22:31

that reply was Great OP Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2018 07:47

Good reply op, she clearly lacks any social awareness, and is on another planet altogether. Very rude of her.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2018 07:49

It had to be said. The parents aren't your friends, and you don't have to have them at the wedding, and she is no longer your friend, so doesn't matter how it looks. Whatever you do, might be twisted by her:whether you ignore, block, message.

Polkasq · 25/10/2018 07:53

Well done OP, good reply.

CurbsideProphet · 25/10/2018 07:55

I might have missed this, but did her parents know that she had just cut you off? I wonder if they had said something about it and she didn't want to admit what she had done, so thought that she could resolve it.

RhythmStix · 25/10/2018 08:04

Not a bad response OP, but IMO you should change it from being a question - which sounds a bit needy - into a statement. No question marks. I would also tag on the sentence "I have moved on but thanks for the message".

Then cease all contact.

AstralTraveller · 25/10/2018 08:18

Good message OP. From now on I would NOT block her but just ignore. It sends a more powerful message.

I am about to go back to a workplace where a member of staff has binned me off her FB for no reason as I have had no interaction with her at all for two years (I have been ill but she would not have known or cared about this). It hurts though as years ago I got her a really good job from which she has stepped up into a management role. I am not sure how to be around her now! I will smile sweetly and just get on with my job as we are in a role reversal situation and if I make comment she could make life difficult for me.

I take a much more conservative line in life nowadays as I have discovered that black and white thinking and actions can bite me on the arse down the line!

ThanosSavedMe · 25/10/2018 08:29

Good message op but agree with pp, she will try and turn this on to you

NoTeaForMe · 25/10/2018 08:59

Think you replied perfectly OP — placemarking! —

NoTeaForMe · 25/10/2018 09:00

—placemarking—

NoTeaForMe · 25/10/2018 09:01

Why doesn’t strikeout work?! Two dashes seem to form one long dash now 😣

hellsbellsmelons · 25/10/2018 09:08

Wow @thefourgp - what an absolute bitch.
Just goes to show that some people are just truly selfish c*nts!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2018 09:33

Whatever op does will be turned by this woman, she does not sound very nice at all.

AstralTraveller · 25/10/2018 10:36

I suspect she is trying to get the matrix of a life back for herself now she is coming home. Either that or the fella is no longer in her life and she is hoping to meet a new one at your nuptials OP. CF.

I think you are right to take a hard line and not pick up the friendship. You would always feel let down by her behaviour.

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