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Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
Littlebird88 · 23/10/2018 13:43

I'd be tempted to start a messanger conversation..
there may be a reason she delete you. life difficult depression etc???
sounds unlikely as she went travelling but I couldn't throw away that strong a friendship

cheesefield · 23/10/2018 13:45

Can you not just reply "Hi. Why did you block me and then not contact me for 4 years?".

Hissy · 23/10/2018 13:46

She wants an invite so she can catch up with all your old friends when she's back

yup, that'll be it

lola006 · 23/10/2018 13:49

The BBC had an article at the weekend called ‘Why I Ghosted My Friend,’ and it included their meeting years after wherein the ghosted friend asked directly what had happened. Worth a quick search and read.

But yeah, like many others, I’d just ask. “Hey I was hurt to be blocked years ago and am wondering what happened?” No mention of bridesmaids, or whatever, just straight up question.

reallyanotherone · 23/10/2018 13:53

When i’m having a bout of depression i disengage. I will block people i don’t want to talk to or currently have the type of relationship where i feel the need to present as happy or everything is fine.

That is usually fb or online friends. I don’t want to answer questions or talk about it. I dread the phone going, so i block or delete to give me some breathing space.

I suppose some people must be pissed off when i reappear feeling better and want to re engage again. Up to them.

What i’m trying to say is at least talk to her and ask her why. If she is a CF move on. She might not be though.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2018 14:19

I understand you have depression reallyanother, but do your friends know that! It can seem very rude to them.

Butterflycookie · 23/10/2018 14:19

What i’m trying to say is at least talk to her and ask her why. If she is a CF move on. She might not be though

Exactly just message her ffs. Find out what’s been going on.

TatianaLarina · 23/10/2018 14:21

Depression is no excuse for blocking people, it’s just rude.

If you don’t want to talk to them don’t respond or tell them you’re low and don’t fancy talking.

If you choose to block someone it’s no-one else’s job to find out why.

TatianaLarina · 23/10/2018 14:23

It’s not OP’s responsibility to find out what’s been going on. It was friend’s responsility to apologise and explain if she wanted re-establish the friendship.

FullMetalRabbit · 23/10/2018 14:31

link to the article mentioned up thread

www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/930e6df4-582b-4ec0-bc21-cb26613cd6f1

spugzbunny · 23/10/2018 14:40

I'd have o ask her why. Especially as she's now messaged you. Keep it polite though - you need to be the bigger person.

'Hi CF, lovely to hear from you. Looks like you've had a great time travelling. Thank you for your well wishes, we are both very happy and excited. I do think of you from one to time. What happened 4 years ago? One day you blocked me on social media and telephone and I've never really understood why. It really hurt at the time. Did something happen that I'm not aware of?'

Akanamali · 23/10/2018 14:43

Depression is not an excuse to mistreat people.

Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 14:45

That is a very good article FullMetalRabbit, thanks for posting the link. I could understand very well how both parties felt and there was a satisfactory ending. Nice!

kaitlinktm · 23/10/2018 14:46

I respect and appreciate that and would never want to put my parents in that position of feeling they have to choose

But why wouldn't they want to choose their own daughter over and above a friend who you say wasn't that close anyway? I couldn't remain FB "friends" with someone who blocked my adult children - that would be it for me.

SuperGekkoMuscles · 23/10/2018 14:53

Surely if there was something else going on the OP would have heard about it via the parents who are friends. And her mum has never been blocked and has been able to see what the CF friend has been up to.

Tara336 · 23/10/2018 14:57

@Aeroflotgirl I agree with you completely. I have been experiencing this with two people in my life recently and while I understand people might be depressed it doesn’t make it ok to treat others poorly

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2018 15:27

I agree Tara336, there is not excuse to be rude. If you don't want to engage with people, don't. Or just be honest, not block them everytime, friends will start to get fed up of this, if they don't know what is going on.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 24/10/2018 07:53

Some people have a huge case of FOMO.

They don't want your friendship, but they have the need to make sure that you're still hanging on in the background, waiting for their call.

I'd have to do the "do I know you?" thing with the FR.

The thing with being ghosted is that there's never any closure, and I believe that this is what is so upsetting- the feeling of "incomplete".

Will you get this closure by asking her why she blocked you? Or is she the sort of person who would greedily brush it under the carpet with a "well, I'm back NOW aren't I?" attitude.

I second the "laughing emoji" reaction to her comment, ignoring her FR, and cracking on as if it was still a few weeks ago (when you were getting on quite fine without her in your life).

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 24/10/2018 08:01

My best friend since I was 3 ghosted me at age 23 when I got pregnant. Just disappeared, I couldn't contact her, I drove to her house and her parents said she wasn't there but they'd "have a word" but that was it. It was 3 years ago now and it felt like my best friend died and I mourned for ages and still get sad about it now.
If she did this and reappeared, I think I'd want answers, but i would have to ignore her for my own sanity.

Biancadelriosback · 24/10/2018 08:42

I genuinely wouldn't reply. Whether right it wrong, I think it gives her power. She didn't care a jot about you when she deleted you from her life, why give her the time of day? She is a stranger to you now, she hasn't been involved in your life in 4 years, she wasn't there for you, things have changed and im sure you have. Just let it go.

MsJolly · 24/10/2018 08:55

I think I would probably want to know why just to get closure. But that would be it for me-and I am a major people pleaser

Aeroflotgirl · 24/10/2018 08:57

Just message her, as she has sent you a PM, tell ask her why, and tell her that you were hurt that she did that, and you don't know what you did wrong. No game playing, just tell her.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 24/10/2018 09:04

I’d ignore her.
Reappearing after 4 years and assuming she’s going to be at your wedding and be your bridesmaid without even a ‘hi. I’m sorry I’ve not been in touch’ ?
Talking about you being a childhood friend and how you used to talk about being bridesmaids when you were younger is really manipulative.

JellyBears · 24/10/2018 09:22

Couldn’t you message her and say “gosh hello, wasn’t expecting to hear from you again. Since you blocked me 4 years ago.”

BewareOfDragons · 24/10/2018 10:33

A wedding would be the perfect time for her to catch up with all her old friends ... and you to fund her presence ... especially if you fork up for a nice bridesmaid outfit for her ...

Just sayin'.

I wouldn't invite her after a 4 year absence. Just tell her you'd love to catch up, but your wedding guest list is already set, and she's not on it as she walked away years ago. If she truly wants to be your friend again, she would understand that. If she doesn't, she'll pretend to take the huff and flounce/ghost again.

Which she would probably do after your wedding even if you did invite her...

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