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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
itswinetime · 24/10/2018 10:54

I agree with BewareOfDragons and others who say she just wants an invite as it would be the most convenient for her. Reply be chatty but she wouldn't be getting an invite from me.

CoughLaughFart · 24/10/2018 11:08

*If my oldest friend from nursery school, after 20 years, simply blocked me on phone and social media, I wouldn't have relied on one attempted call/text. I'd have been at her house, knocking on her door. I would have emailed her. I might have spoken to her parents. I'd have written her a bloody letter and posted it. If she wanted to get rid of me she'd have had to work a lot harder than simply block me on social media because I would have wanted to know what could turn 20 years of friendship sour out of the blue.

So I can't help think this friendship wasn't so close in the first place. Or that OP didn't like the woman that much. Because I know that if one of my friends acted that way, not only would I not accept it without at least asking, I wouldn't assume the friend didn't like me. Rather, I'd assume there was a problem and I'd want to help fix it.*

But that isn’t really relevant, is it? You might think the OP should have tried harder to save the friendship at the time, but that has nothing to do with the ex-friend’s ridiculous behaviour now. Expecting to be a bridesmaid?! It’s deranged.

Also, blocking all lines of contact gives a particularly clear message - ‘I don’t want to speak to you’. Maybe the OP was respecting this. I say this as someone who blocked a former friend nearly a year ago and is still having to apologise to mutual friends for him bombarding them with messages, asking them to be go-betweens.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/10/2018 11:10

I am nakedly hungry for closure on this thread; what the OP has written back.

Sorry for turning your life into a serial drama OP, it’s just that I know I’ve got a similar predicament coming and I’m watching with interest.

CoughLaughFart · 24/10/2018 11:14

But why wouldn't they want to choose their own daughter over and above a friend who you say wasn't that close anyway? I couldn't remain FB "friends" with someone who blocked my adult children - that would be it for me.

It’s not about choosing this woman over their daughter. It’s choosing not to damage their own friendship with this woman’s parents. Blocking their daughter is likely to cause a rift. If the mum leaves this woman on her friend list, it doesn't mean she has to regularly interact with her.

TheClitterati · 24/10/2018 11:34

The younger me might have been tempted to challenger her asking WTF happened, you hurt me, I wouldn't have you as my BM if you were the last frock on the planet etc?

The current older me now knows doing nothing is absolutely the best medicine. Remember how you felt being ignored/ghosted/blocked etc OP. Well you don't even have to take the drama of blocking her - just ignore her completely.

Unless you'd prefer some drama - in which case you've got ample ammo. But do you really want all that bother in the run up to your wedding?

SuperGekkoMuscles · 24/10/2018 14:09

If my oldest friend from nursery school, after 20 years, simply blocked me on phone and social media, I wouldn't have relied on one attempted call/text. I'd have been at her house, knocking on her door. I would have emailed her. I might have spoken to her parents. I'd have written her a bloody letter and posted it.

And there’s the small minor detail of the friend being away travelling....

Mummymummums · 24/10/2018 17:49

Not really SuperGekkoMuscles the OP said the friend went travelling later and subsequently clarified that it was quite a long while later.

Dogmum94 · 24/10/2018 18:09

‘Thank you for the congratulations. However I have to say I am very confused by you messaging me. You blocked me and cut off all form of contact which took me a long time to accept, but eventually I did accept it and came to terms with the fact that our friendship was clearly over, well for you anyway. I’m sure you can imagine how much it has thrown me that you are now acting as if nothing has ever happened and giving no explanation for blocking me and cutting me from your life?’

No reply as of yet, but she is currently travelling around Australia so not sure how often she uses Facebook.

OP posts:
Dogmum94 · 24/10/2018 18:12

Tried to take everybody’s advice on board and be honest about it without being too confrontational

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 24/10/2018 18:13

Very well said OP, direct but not confrontational

MulticolourMophead · 24/10/2018 18:14

The only worry I have, is that she'll somehow twist it and turn it onto you. Be prepared for that, and then she can't blindside you.

Dogmum94 · 24/10/2018 18:16

@MulticolourMophead definitely prepared for that! That’s why I didn’t want to be petty and just block her straight away, even tho I REALLY wanted to as that makes me just as bad and gives her the chance to say ‘it was her that blocked me when I tried to reach out to her’ etc

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 24/10/2018 18:19

Well done OP

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/10/2018 18:33

Spot on OP. Well done and hold your head high,

hellsbellsmelons · 24/10/2018 18:33

Nicely put.
I hope you get some answers but I fear, you'll just get more confusion!

Strawberry2017 · 24/10/2018 18:34

As hard as it was for you at the time, it sounds like really she did you a favour.
You don't want someone like that in your life. It happened to me when after supporting a friend through a really hard time, she met a new man and dropped me.
It took me a long time but I eventually realised she had done me a favour and really she wasn't a very good person for me to spend time with.
I do hope you get answers though.
Stay strong!
Congratulations on your engagement, I hope your wedding is fabulous. X

MulticolourMophead · 24/10/2018 18:35

It was a good message, hope you get some form of closure with it.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/10/2018 18:47

Very well said!

alfiesmam · 24/10/2018 18:51

Marking for the update from CF Wink

SharpLily · 24/10/2018 18:55

Yep, I'm looking forward to hearing the reply too.

loobylou10 · 24/10/2018 18:57

Perfect message OP. Doesn’t let her off the hook and tells her exactly how you feel. Well done.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 24/10/2018 19:02

A very dignified message Op

itswinetime · 24/10/2018 19:10

Good message I predict she will ignore it though

Hunstanton · 24/10/2018 19:10

Well done OP, I can't see how she can come back from that (though i am keen to know if she does!)

MooPointCowsOpinion · 24/10/2018 19:10

Well done OP.

Also, change your FB settings! Just kidding, I just rtft and was actually cursing out loud every fucker who said that after you explained over and over again Grin

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