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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DPs took this money?

173 replies

Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:30

DPs job involves cash rather than having money in the bank. He keeps his money in a secure box upstairs and puts in the bank whenever. He is better off than me. I had £70 in 10 pound notes and my bank card in my jeans back pocket (silly I know) but both me and DP remember me pulling it out and saying I needed to put it in the bank towards my car finance. I only put things e.g car keys, money, reciepts etc in a drawer in a living room to be sorted out. Its not there. Ive emptied every drawer, pulled out all the sofas, cushions, checked underneath, checked the kitchen, checked ALL coat pockets and jeans, dressing gown, all drawers upstairs, underneath bed etc. Ive thoroughly checked my car whilst hoovering it and the money and card has vanished.

Now, I rang DP and asked if when he comes home he could count his money as he could have accidentally put the money with his. He got defensive about it saying he didnt have it, it was my problem but I can borrow £70 off him and give it him back when I find the money.

I'm so confused because hes never acted like this before, never took money off me but no ones been in the house besides us since Saturday when I got it, no kids or pets who could have had it. I really want to trust him but him straight away jumping on the defense has made me question it Sad

OP posts:
Howhot · 22/10/2018 11:33

Why would you think he took it? I can't see how he could have "accidentally" took it so you basically accused him of stealing? I think I'd be defensive if I was him tooConfused

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:34

Because if Ive left it out he could have mistaken it for his money.

Hes going on holiday next month and Im paranoid he could have took it because of that

OP posts:
SoyDora · 22/10/2018 11:35

I’d be defensive if someone accused me of stealing too!

Sparklesocks · 22/10/2018 11:37

If it was in your back pocket any chance it might have fallen out? Or was poking out and a pickpocketer might have subtly slipped it out while you were out and about?
I can’t see what evidence there is for him taking it, and it wouldn’t make sense for him to take it as you say hes better off than you (and your his partner!). He’s probably acting sketchy as he’s insulted you insinuated he took it?

Celebelly · 22/10/2018 11:38

If it was in your back jeans pocket, I'd be inclined to think it's been dropped somewhere as the first port of call rather than thinking my partner took it. Especially if your card is missing too –why would he suddenly take that? I'm not surprised he's a bit defensiveness - was there any reason to think he'd taken it other than you can't find it?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/10/2018 11:39

Well he's told you he hasn't taken it so i'm not sure what more you can do really

Notacluewhatthisis · 22/10/2018 11:39

Asking someone if they accidentally took you money and bank card, is actually accusing them of taking it. No one picks up money and a bank card and mistakes it for their cash and bank card.

EBearhug · 22/10/2018 11:39

Have you lost the cards as well as the notes, or just the cash?

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 11:40

If you had the money in your back jeans pocket i would think it has fallen out as oppose to you DP has taken it.

If you left it out on the side then yes its possible he got confused and picked it up in error. I don't think being defensive is an automatic sign of guilt

You seem to think there is a chance he took it on purpose dose he have form for that?

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:41

He called me a cow too for saying he couldve picked it up. Thats not like him at all.

He said hes seen my card without the money upstairs but I cant see it.

Cant have fallen out in public as I collected it from my sisters, drove home, came in pulled it out my pocket showed DP x

OP posts:
Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:42

No its really out of the ordinary but him saying last week is holiday is more than he expected is making me think Confused I really dont want it to be true

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 22/10/2018 11:43

OP ring the bank tell them your card is missing and check the balance to ensure there haven’t been any withdrawals.

I tihnk your DP is acting very oddly if he hadn’t actually taken your money and card.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:44

I'll cancel the card but no moneys been took out, I know fuzzy its really out of the ordinary

OP posts:
auntyflonono · 22/10/2018 11:45

Hmm. No way of knowing for sure. Does he keep records for tax? Could you count his cash and compare it to his income?

He called you a cow and got very defensive? Not so nice...

fuzzywuzzy · 22/10/2018 11:45

Do you know how much money your do should have? I’d count it if you do.

Shoxfordian · 22/10/2018 11:46

Does he usually steal from you?

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:46

Yes he keeps records but I dont have the key to the box. It should have been £70 in 10 pound notes. Money in the bank has no recent transactions

OP posts:
Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:47

Shox no. Never had any money go missing here before

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 22/10/2018 11:47

My Dp isn't great off. He has been saving for something that's costing more than expected. It wouldn't even enter my head that he would steal off me to finance it.

I get why he is defensive, others do too. You don't think he has accidentally taken it.

What makes you think he would steal from you?

KeysHairbandNotepad · 22/10/2018 11:48

If you really think he took your money then you have bigger problems than the missing cash op. Also I'd be annoyed if I was accused of stealing too.

I hope you find it.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:48

Sorry fuzzy read your comment wrong. Im not sure exactly how much he should have

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/10/2018 11:48

I'd be really upset if I was your DP.

Your relationship is over if you lose something and then immediately start mistrusting your partner.

AllViewsMyOwn · 22/10/2018 11:49

I think that there is a problem in your relationship if you suspect your DP of stealing. I would get defensive too.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:50

We've been together 11 months. Lived together for 6. Never had any problems before, never lost anything. Wouldnt have thought he'd took if he hadn't of said he was surprised of how much his holiday was costing. And to get so defensive and called me a cow makes me even more paranoid.

OP posts:
AhoyDelBoy · 22/10/2018 11:51

Why is it ‘silly’ to have money and bank cards in your pocket? Hmm
Why did you go home and show your P the money? Hmm
Weird thread. Sounds like he has lined his own pockets though.