To think DPs took this money?

[Aalaaya]

DPs job involves cash rather than having money in the bank. He keeps his money in a secure box upstairs and puts in the bank whenever. He is better off than me. I had £70 in 10 pound notes and my bank card in my jeans back pocket (silly I know) but both me and DP remember me pulling it out and saying I needed to put it in the bank towards my car finance. I only put things e.g car keys, money, reciepts etc in a drawer in a living room to be sorted out. Its not there. Ive emptied every drawer, pulled out all the sofas, cushions, checked underneath, checked the kitchen, checked ALL coat pockets and jeans, dressing gown, all drawers upstairs, underneath bed etc. Ive thoroughly checked my car whilst hoovering it and the money and card has vanished.

Now, I rang DP and asked if when he comes home he could count his money as he could have accidentally put the money with his. He got defensive about it saying he didnt have it, it was my problem but I can borrow £70 off him and give it him back when I find the money.

I'm so confused because hes never acted like this before, never took money off me but no ones been in the house besides us since Saturday when I got it, no kids or pets who could have had it. I really want to trust him but him straight away jumping on the defense has made me question it

[DaffydownClock]

Have you pulled out the drawers completely to see if its been dragged down the back inside the cupboard OP?

[Tinkety]

Op pull the drawers out & check it has fallen over the back of the drawer & is in the unit.

[SomeKnobend]

You've only known him 5 minutes and he's already cocklodging in your house, nicking your money, gaslighting you and calling you a cow?!! Get rid of him and change the locks. Also raise your standards.

[Gingerrogered]

Now asking if someone made a mistake is abuse. I have literally heard it all now.

But she’s not just asking someone if they’ve made a mistake, is she? She actually thinks he’s taken without a scrap of evidence despite the fact she’s really vague and unsure about where she got it.

That’s an abusive attitude. And we know the OP is suspicious so it was probably blatantly obvious when she asked. A relationship where the instant reaction is to think like this is an abusive relationship.

If a woman came on here and posted that her partner thought the same in the same circumstances it would be wall to wall ‘Emotional abuse, LTB!’

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

OP, failing all else, take a look in the cash box. They are easy to open, maybe your card is in there.
Judging by his reaction, I think he took your money.

[SaucyJack]

Indeed, Redsky.

“Unless of course at the time of picking it up, he hadn't realised it was her money.”

The likelihood is is that the money was put down in a bundle with her bank card, plus she’d already been chatting to him about needing to pay the cash she had in her pocket in to cover car expenses.

There’s no innocent mistake he could have made, or innocent conclusion she could have drawn.

Bit awkward if she finds it in the bread bin at dinner-time.

[gamerchick]

I don't see the problem. He offered to lend it until yours turned up. Why didn't you take him up on it. If you're so sure he's took it, it's not going to turn up is it?

Jumping to calling someone a thief never bodes well. It's pretty obvious you don't trust him.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Gingerrogered, if you were the only other occupant in a house and kept cash in the house, and were asked if you could’ve accidentally picked up money meant for something else. You’d immediately start calling your partner names?

The DP’s reaction makes me think he has taken it. It’s so odd starting to swear at someone for asking if they could’ve accidentally moved something.

[WitchyMcWitchface]

Where's the missing bank card?
Where upstairs did DP see it?

[Aalaaya]

He did take the money. It was in his pocket, with my card. No explanation he stormed out when I confronted him

Im heartbroken. Thanks for your replies, but to the people calling me abusive?? Asking someone who is the only person in your house if theyve mistaken it for their money isnt abuse. You clearly dont know what real abuse is.

[QforCucumber]

Have you found the card OP? Likelihood is they are together somewhere.

People are bizarre, I lose things in the house all of the time because I'm crap and just put stuff down, always ringing DH to say 'Have you seen my keys/Card/£10 I had yesterday? I can't find it but know it's here somewhere' That's not asking if he's stolen from me, it's asking if he has seen something I can't find or if he's tidied something up somewhere I can't see.

[SoyDora]

Well there’s your answer. At least you’re only 11 months in to the relationship, with no children together. Easy to cut loose.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

No surprise there then. And you will never get an explaination, he will just shout and twist and make it all your fault. Get rid.

[itswinetime]

sorry it turned out this way for you. At least you know what and arsehole he is without any more damage being done. Change the locks and get rid?

[HidingFromMyKids]

All these shock horror "I would never accuse my DH of stealing" are irrelevant. You are basing that opinion on a long term relationship, maybe a twenty year marriage.

I think OP is being sensible to consider that he may be capable. When asking her partner (who moved in after 5 months) if he had seen her missing money and he had a defensive attitude she felt uncomfortable.

Where do all these abusive relationships start? MN is quick to point out gaslighting and LTB situations but God forbid anybody should suspect it themselves.

[HidingFromMyKids]

Sorry OP cross post but at least you know.
The suspicion about creating an argument to go on holiday single sounds like one I've heard before.

[Soubriquet]

The lying cheeky fucking bastard.

It would be over for me. All trust would be gone. I wouldn’t be able to leave anything without worrying if he had taken it

[Ilikeknitting]

Might you have dropped it?
Had your pocket picked?
Misplaced it?
Put it somewhere else safe?
Changed your jeans and be looking in the wrong pair?
Spent it?
Does anyone else have access to your money? Child, step child, lodger?
Jeans gone through washing?
Why blame your partner? I’m not surprised he his pissed at you, there are so many other options yet you’ve blamed him.

[ambereeree]

Crikey. Change the locks and threaten to call the police if he refuses to leave. I'm sorry OP.

[gamerchick]

He took your card as well? Was he planning on clearing you out?

I'm sorry man

[HollowTalk]

Did you find it there, OP, or did he tell you he'd found it?

[rememberatime]

What on earth was he thinking? He must have known you'd be on to him immediately.
His excuse is likely to be that he was keeping it safe for you or that he was going to use your card to bank the money for you.

Even if either of these are true, he would have said as soon as you questioned him about the whereabouts of the money.

Does he know your pin number? I would change that immediately now you have your card back.

[Hissy]

You have done nothing wrong, I've said this before. We know you are heartbroken, we all feel that for you too. It feels awful because it IS awful.

Pack up his stuff, and dump it outside, if he doesn't give you his key when he leaves, change the locks.

[rememberatime]

keep an eye out for small transactions - using the contactless function on your card. These could have been made this morning and no shown up on your account yet.

[Thehop]

Jesus what a twat.

I’m so sorry.

Get him out love