Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DPs took this money?

173 replies

Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:30

DPs job involves cash rather than having money in the bank. He keeps his money in a secure box upstairs and puts in the bank whenever. He is better off than me. I had £70 in 10 pound notes and my bank card in my jeans back pocket (silly I know) but both me and DP remember me pulling it out and saying I needed to put it in the bank towards my car finance. I only put things e.g car keys, money, reciepts etc in a drawer in a living room to be sorted out. Its not there. Ive emptied every drawer, pulled out all the sofas, cushions, checked underneath, checked the kitchen, checked ALL coat pockets and jeans, dressing gown, all drawers upstairs, underneath bed etc. Ive thoroughly checked my car whilst hoovering it and the money and card has vanished.

Now, I rang DP and asked if when he comes home he could count his money as he could have accidentally put the money with his. He got defensive about it saying he didnt have it, it was my problem but I can borrow £70 off him and give it him back when I find the money.

I'm so confused because hes never acted like this before, never took money off me but no ones been in the house besides us since Saturday when I got it, no kids or pets who could have had it. I really want to trust him but him straight away jumping on the defense has made me question it Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:52

I didnt immediatly distrust him. I was about to go to the bank and couldnt find the money so searched everywhere can think of then rang to ask if theres any chance he couldve mistaken it for money from work

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 22/10/2018 11:53

The real issue here is that you don’t trust him. Why is that?
If my money went missing, It just wouldn’t occur to me that it was my DH who took it. And if I did tell DH that I’d lost my money in the house and that I was short because of this, I know he’d cover me and just give me some money to help.
If your DP found a wallet stuffed with cashing the street, would he hand it in to police? If he wouldn’t, he’s a bad ‘un.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:53

Ahoy It was silly because I could have dropped it outside but I know I hadnt. I showed DP as he was sat infront of me when I took it out, so I just said like oh I need to put this in the bank etc

OP posts:
AhoyDelBoy · 22/10/2018 11:53

Hmm. No way of knowing for sure. Does he keep records for tax? Could you count his cash and compare it to his income?

Over £70!? Not to mention that’s just a totally of the charts weird thing to do. Honestly there are some very strange people on MN indeed. Leaves thread.

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 11:53

Well if my husband accused me of stealing from him I'd call him worse than a cow and be incredibly defensive and fucked off. His reaction is normal

What's not normal is thinking your partner is stealing from you. However if there is no chance you've moved it and forgotten, then I guess he must have stolen it.

AjasLipstick · 22/10/2018 11:54

I also think it's odd that you've assumed your DP took it. People lose money around the house quite often! It's usually somehwere weird like in the fridge or down the side of something.

Have you asked your DP where exactly he saw your card upstairs?

ems137 · 22/10/2018 11:54

If I lost some cash then I'd ask DH if he'd picked it up by mistake. I wouldn't be "accusing him of stealing" but genuinely asking if he'd mixed it in with his! Don't really see why everyone's jumping on that?

When I lost my purse earlier this year I checked the car and my bag and then rang MIL to see if I'd left it there (where I'd come from). It never entered my head she'd think I was accusing her of stealing!

C0untDucku1a · 22/10/2018 11:55

Jesus you dont know him!!! You moved in far too soon!!! Is it your house or his?

Personally, because im projecting gaving lived with a liar and a theif who would never admit anything even when i had cold hard proof, when he gets home id go with him to where he thinks you card is. If he finds it when you arent with him to see where it is, id be very concerned.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:55

£70 might not be a lot of money to some people but it is to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:57

At first i thought he had genuinely mixed it with his money and he'd double check for me when he got home but he got angry and said no it wasnt his problem. Then the more I think about it the more I think he has took it Sad

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 11:57

It's not the amount. You are accusing your partner of stealing money from you. That's a major deal.

Is there no chance you've moved it and forgotten?

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:58

It's my house

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 11:58

If you genuinely think he is stealing from you, then you need to end the relationship and immediately.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 11:58

Bluntness No, I've searched everywhere. House is very minimalist and i dont have a lot of stuff but I still cannot find it anywhere.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 22/10/2018 11:59

do you know where you think it should be? or just that you know it is in the house somewhere?

SoyDora · 22/10/2018 12:00

It’s nothing to do with the amount. If you genuinely think he’s stealing from you (and you have grounds to believe he is) then you need to end the relationship. 11 months isn’t long to know someone at all.

Original poster
Aalaaya · 22/10/2018 12:00

itswinetime usually stuff that I have in my pocket I put in a top drawer in the living room. You know stuff that you think Ill deal with that later? But its not there and thats really the only place i would have put it. So Ive searched every drawer, bag, coat, pants, cupboards, underneath furniture and no look Sad

OP posts:
ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 22/10/2018 12:03

You have quite a big problem with your relationship if you think he's stolen your money and is lying about it.
And also a big problem if he's actually taken it.
I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.

If money went missing it wouldn't occur to me that dh had stolen it. If he's have taken it he'd just say.

HellenaHandbasket · 22/10/2018 12:04

If the cars is gone too I would assume it was together somewhere else. So either fallen out,or slipped somewhere. Surely he would only take the cash if he was that way inclined?

RedSkyLastNight · 22/10/2018 12:06

I think if you immediately jump to "he's stolen my money", then your relationship has no future.

Regardless of whether he has or not.

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/10/2018 12:08

OP, I think you are getting hard time you don't deserve here.

I read it that you thought he accidentally took your money and put it with his, asked him and he got overly defensive, so now you suspect he took it deliberately, is that right?

Incognito8522 · 22/10/2018 12:09

Of course he's taken it - you barely know him OP!

I think it was a big mistake to move him in so soon into your relationship...bin him off and move on.

NorthEndGal · 22/10/2018 12:09

Has the bank card turned up yet?

Eliza9917 · 22/10/2018 12:10

Have there been any other red flags regarding his behaviour?

Eliza9917 · 22/10/2018 12:10

Have there been any other red flags regarding his behaviour?