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AIBU?

To be annoyed my kids are not invited to MIL 80th party

252 replies

ARoomSomewhere · 20/10/2018 22:32

MIL is having an 80th Party.
H is invited. Kids (14 and 11) and I are not.
The other grandkids (early 20's) are.
That's crap, isnt it?

OP posts:

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Clutterbugsmum · 21/10/2018 16:41

What to say to the kids when he disappears for the weekend? You don't you tell DH to explain as to why his children are not invited to their NAN's birthday dinner.

I would also make sure I do nothing to with sorting or buying presents for any of them again. If you are not part of the family then their not part of yours. It all down to him now.

And yes organise a nice treat for you and your dc.

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callmeadoctor · 21/10/2018 16:45

I would say that you've had a lucky escape tbh!

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Knittedfairies · 21/10/2018 16:50

I’d let your husband do the explaining to your children and let him get on with the present-buying himself.

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Oswin · 21/10/2018 17:05

So the sil has invited her pil but not you and grandkids. Wtf that is awful.
I would straight up ask her why. And don't lie to your kids. My parents tried to shield me for years from how nasty my aunt and gran were. It didn't help just made it harder when I realised.

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bananasandwicheseveryday · 21/10/2018 17:13

I feel so sad for you OP. Not only are your in-laws treating you and your dcs very poorly, but your Dh is allowing it and, imo, if he attends, he's sending the message that what they are doing is acceptable. It does not matter how difficult or inconvenient it would be for you all to go, that is a decision for you and Dh to make, NOT your SIL.
If we were in your situation and my Dh chose to go he would be taking his cases and looking for somewhere else to live.

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RandomMess · 21/10/2018 17:31

They are bonkers and your DH is unkind not to stand up for his DC.

No doubt it will be the classic bullshit of mothers are always closer to their daughters....

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QueenArseClangers · 21/10/2018 17:33

Yep, sorry OP, I mixed up SIL and BIL.
The principle is the same though. As Oswinsaid, SIL invited her in laws but not MIL grandchildren!
Let DH explain to the kids why he’s going away this weekend and the fact that you lot aren’t welcome.

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WinkysTeatowel · 21/10/2018 17:33

So did your DH not query whether/why not you were invited?

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anniehm · 21/10/2018 18:16

So to clarify, Sil is throwing a dinner party for mil (possibly a surprise) and the only guests are sil's kids, mil and your dh (her brother). Whilst it's bizarre that isn't as unreasonable as a full blown party with unrelated guests. My suggestion however is for your dh to call his sister and say that he will celebrate the milestone birthday separately and invite mil to meet up/stay a couple of weeks after as her grandchildren want to be involved - she will either capitulate and invite you all or follow through and do your own thing

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RandomMess · 21/10/2018 18:43

@anniehm

Nah there are other guests too...

SIL has invited her in laws as well? Plus her Aunt so basically all blood relatives except 2 grandchildren and invited her in laws in their place...

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Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 18:56

I would be telling your ‘d’h to enjoy the party and to enjoy living back with his mum. Cos he wouldn’t be coming back to my bed after being so dismissive of his children’s feelings. And I’d be telling the children the truth too. Your aunt hasn’t invited you.

If money is that tight at the minute I would consider 1 member of the family attending a party to be a complete waste of money.

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Shoobydooby09 · 21/10/2018 19:34

OP what is SILs reason for not inviting you and your children ? I was going to say would your MIL not be upset that 2 of her grandchildren aren't celebrating with her - but sounds like she wouldn't give a toss. Your in laws do not sound like very nice people. And I can't believe your H is allowing his family to be treated this way, so let him do all the explaining to your kids and he can deal with their devastated faces.

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flumpybear · 21/10/2018 19:36

Your SIL is a cow! Totally outrageous, even her partners parents are coming who aren't even family, over her own grandchildren - what a total bitxh, totally out of line

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Moreisnnogedag · 21/10/2018 20:54

But again so what if they get on? By your own admission you don’t get on with his family, after the Christmas thing I’m amazed you even speak to them (that would have been the cut off point for me) so perhaps everyone is just recognising that as a group you guys don’t work so why try and force the issue?

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RedDrink · 21/10/2018 21:32

Your SIL is rude and out of order, you should ask her if she meant to be so rude.

Your husband is being disloyal to you and your children.

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AcrossthePond55 · 21/10/2018 21:50

Her daughter (SIL) will host with her H and kids. Her H's brother and mother are invited. Plus MrsB's sister and H. Plus my H

It's just so odd. 'Daughter' is inviting her own brother in law and mother in law, people who are not related to MiL. But she is not inviting her MiL's own DiL and DGC, people who are related to MiL. Wonder what MiL herself will have to say to this.

You don't think, by any chance, that your DH is just telling you this to avoid having to pay the additional train fare, do you?

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Ellie56 · 21/10/2018 22:01

Why is your DH putting up with this shit?And why is he going to the party? I think I'd tell him to stop there.

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TeddybearBaby · 21/10/2018 22:38

I’m with another poster I’d be relieved to have gotten out of it 🙊. Kids would defo not give a shit. ‘Dads going to see nan for her 80th. We’re going to stay here and enjoy ourselves’. That would be the end of it for me. Good luck with how it all turns out though, it’s not nice to feel left out!

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MissEliza · 21/10/2018 22:56

As your MIL has nothing to do with this plan and therefore you shouldn't be upset with her, why don't you organise something for her with you and your dcs? Or were you planning to do nothing for her 80th?

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thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 21/10/2018 23:08

No kids? Maybe SIL has planned to mark your MIL’s 80th birthday with back to back Quentin Tarantino movies followed by sherry trifle and rounded off with Roy Chubby Brown renditions by the piano. What an evening.

(Just be glad you and the DC aren’t going they sound like crap relatives)

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MsLexic · 22/10/2018 17:29

oooh that's proper horrid. I think your husband is the one should be sorting this out.

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Turquoise123 · 22/10/2018 17:30

if it's only 10 then that's not really a party is it ?

I think it's rather sad but hey ho

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Port1ajazz · 22/10/2018 17:39

Do you not get on with them ?

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TheCherries · 22/10/2018 17:39

Yep really crappy. In fact I have very similar in laws in they favour one child over the other and my husband is the one who is always delivered a raw deal.
We have gradually stepped further and further away from the toxic nature although sadly he is programmed to keep going back and hurting himself more by constantly seeking their approval and attention when they only have eyes and time for their daughter. When I had my own daughter they told me that I could stop worrying now as I had my daughter and all was well in the world 😔.
His sister manipulates the situation to her advantage to discourage them from seeing us and goes on countless holidays with them each year.
We are currently away on holiday and had invited them to come with us (we have paid for a large villa, space enough for them) they declined saying the cost of their flights would be too much, despite them owning several properties, only to find out they subsequently booked to come to the same island at the same time but booked it up with friends. They are not going to be seeing us and our children don’t understand why. Yet just a few months ago they went on a similar holiday with his sister and each Easter they do too. Even their friends are more important than his son and children. It makes me so sad.
I have given up even trying to work out what goes on in their heads and my husband is starting to realise this too, but pings back for more hurt each time hoping they may be different this time.
Don’t waste your energies on them. Book up the most amazing weekend away for you and the kids and plaster it all over Facebook or a family WhatsApp group if you have it. Send a big two fingers up at them and make sure your children grow up in an equal environment where they are both seen as important and loved

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Suewoo · 22/10/2018 17:49

I trust your husband isn't even considering going to this party? How could he be so disloyal to you when you are being treated this way and were treated in a similar fashion with the Christmas episode. She obviously dislikes you intensely (sorry - but guess you don't think much of her) so, as long as your husband doesn't go, just send a card plus a handmade one from your polite kids, and leave it!! Who would want to be in their company. Sister in law sounds like the troublemaker however!!

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