To be annoyed my kids are not invited to MIL 80th party

[ARoomSomewhere]

MIL is having an 80th Party.
H is invited. Kids (14 and 11) and I are not.
The other grandkids (early 20's) are.
That's crap, isnt it?

[Ellyess]

Totally crap. Why not invite you all? If I were your DH I would not go without my family. Could it be an oversight - did she/whoever did the invitations think they'd written "and family" or implied all of you?

[Ellyess]

ARoomSomewhere Just feeling so sorry for you - it's a real bummer. Your H should stay at home with his family, but I suppose with her being 80 he probably fears her days are numbered. Still, it's just not right not to invite you all. Your kids are old enough not to need entertaining and to know to be quiet and behave well and put up with the boredom just this once.
So sorry ARoomSomewhere

[OhDearGodLookAtThisMess]

Yes, this is totally crap, you and the kids not being invited. But I would be effing furious with my dh for sanctioning the snub and going along regardless.
WHY isn't he sticking up for you?!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

So your sil expect you to go off on a 300 mile trip and leave 2 children alone at home.

Why is your dh not challenging this and saying you can only come if you all go?!

[svalentine60]

Its an elderly womans quiet birthday dinner and absolutely up to her who goes. I can understand them not wanting children there and I don't think they have to explain that to you. I'm guessing there is a lot more backstory to this than you are sharing here and if you did we might understand the reason more. YABU

[inlectorecumbit]

It's time your DH grew up and put you and your DC's first.
If he can't see how unfair this is - well you have a real problem in your relationship.
You all go or no one goes. It's that simple.

[tiredgirly]

It's an adults party and a lon borin journey for 2 youngsters. I think that is the reason why, she doesn't want you to feel obligated.Also having kids there changes the whole dynamic

[TinklyLittleFart]

Sounds like SIL is cynically banking on the fact that DH won't make a fuss due to the mother's age.

[jessebuni]

If it were me in this situation it would be either we all go or none of us go. I’d be pointing out to my DH that if he were to go alone he would basically be agreeing that his wife and kids aren’t important.

[RomanyRoots]

gosh, if this was our family no way would my dh go without the rest of the family.
I couldn't be with somebody so spineless, you need to tell the children the truth, they are old enough.

[jwpetal]

You need to have your dh to confirm that you are not invited and he needs to stand up to this. I am shocked. Whether you want to go or not, you are his wife. As for the children, that is odd, but not as off as you not being invited over adult children.

[jocarter67]

Like others, I would be absolutely fuming if my hubby still went.

[MortyVicar]

svalentine60 how about you read the thread?

It is the SIL doing the inviting, not the MIL. She has invited her own in-laws, but not the MIL's grandchildren. There will be children at the 'party' - the SIL's children. The OP has posted the backstory that her DH is under his mother's thumb and won't stand up to any of his family.

Anything else?

[elesbells]

my h wouldn’t go if I wasn’t invited...he’d be pissed off. Your h needs to stand up for you. It’s pretty shit that he’s going without even questioning your non invite..

[RememberUs]

My grandmother had a fancy lunch for her 80th and only invited her DC and partners there was no travel involved as it was within an hour drive of all the family. She had no interest in the family just herself, no health or mental issues she just didn’t seem to want anything to do with any of us. None of her 8 adult grandchildren were invited let alone their partners or her great grandchildren. This was basically the end of her relationship with them yet she was still around for another 13 years.

Sounds like your MIL feels the same way.

[Melamin]

My siblings used to do this to me - they would invite me for a meal 200 miles away for a big celebration for the parents, and expect DH to stay at home and look after 3 v young children for the weekend. I expected they were just being naïve because they didn't have their own children at the time (although as time has gone on, they are not a lot different). Weekends were for catching up with two of us around. We were in survival mode.


Anyway, I just said no, coz it was a crap idea and DH who they had known well for years and was supposed to be part of the family.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

Surely the other grandkids are there because that’s where they live? So not an invite as such.

Maybe what they actually want is a civilised adult lunch (no offence, OP, I’m sure your DC are well behaved) and if they invite you that means kids as well so they’ve just invited your H. I agree it’s not ideal, and doesn’t feel nice from your perspective, but perhaps it’s not intended as a personal slight.

I would just be glad I didn’t have to sit through it.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

@whosafraid, I know, and I did say it wasn’t ideal, but I’m guessing that’s what the thinking is.

[MulticolourMophead]

Well OP, at least you don't have to make an effort any more. Just let your DH go alone to visit in future, you and the DCs can stay at home.

[eddielizzard]

Wow. There endeth the making an effort with them.