To be annoyed my kids are not invited to MIL 80th party

[ARoomSomewhere]

MIL is having an 80th Party.
H is invited. Kids (14 and 11) and I are not.
The other grandkids (early 20's) are.
That's crap, isnt it?

In a normal situation your DH would be saying "wtf? No I won't be coming". In a normal relationship you would be kicking off at at DH for not standing up to them

I do think that you should all have been invited-but would you & the kids have wanted to go?

It seems that there is no relationship there.

This is the sort of thing that me & the kids would happily miss & it would save us having to decline!

If I got a call from family inviting me to a party, I wouldn't think to check if all the family were invited, I would just assume. Maybe your sister in law assumed that inviting you husband included you all. It would be a bit weird not to. Unless she has specifically said just your husband. In which case, your husband need to not to.

As poster upthread said: Just tell sil you’re doing a separate thing to celebrate the big birthday, then at your convenience, take mil out for a meal as a family. It’s sil’s party - this unpleasant person can invite who she wants.

If your dh insists on going then have a great weekend doing something exciting with your dc without the drip about.

Personally I dislike my MIL so I’d be pleased. Last year my BIL decided when he visited his mum he didn’t want Dh, me and the kids there at the same time. MIL accepted (he’s a single 30 year old). And I was raging no one called him out but then my dh is a bit precious about his family and we can’t upset either of them (it has been a bone of contention for a long long time).

What kind of relationship does MIL have with your children? Would she not feel sad that only some of her grandchildren are there for a milestone birthday?

Honestly, if this is what the family are like do you want your children there? Do you want your children involved with this type of negativity?

A 300 mile journey so someone can sneer at them? Fuck that.

Enjoy your weekend at home. Go to the park, order a pizza, watch a film enjoy yourself. #bestrevengeistobehappy

then at your convenience, take mil out for a meal as a family.

or not...

Well - it is dh’s Mum and if he’s not going to the party why shouldn’t he do something else instead? It’s sil who is organising this non-inclusive dinner.

You need to make a choice about this now. The family are going to be like this for the next 60 years.

Do you want drama? Do you want to have to make a fuss to be involved? Do you want a row a few times a year?

You can engage or disengage, just let them get on with it. Pack your DH off a couple of times a year and ignore them. Your life will be soooooooo much easier, they can call you names as much as they like but if you can't hear do you really care?

Does dh actually want to go or is he responding to the summons?

When I opened this thread, I expected to read that the children are 3 & 5 and therefore likely to be noisy - but 11 & 14?

Sorry, I'd be confronting the issue myself, asking SIL (and then MIL if she knows about it) why I and the children are not included when other spouses and grandchildren are.

I’d assume (or pretend to assume) that the whole family was invited unless specifically told otherwise and we would all just turn up. Or I would send the kids with dh and I could have a lazy weekend to myself.

Yeah you could confront them or you could just ignore it and have a nice weekend.

How much of your emotional investment are they worth? How many tears, how many rows, how much time?

I'm sure there's more to this. It is very odd not to invite the Op and the dgcs. Perhaps the Op has misunderstood. Perhaps the SIL is hacked off that is was left to her to organise the celebration. Who knows?

Suck it up and do something brilliant with the kids. Let their dad explain the weekend to them.

If he goes without you I would be telling him to stay there.

As Ida said, if he decides to go, he tells the kids.

And if he decides to go, I'd be having a serious think about telling him not to come back.

I'd presume there's just been a misunderstanding, unless there is a big back story.

I also don't get people calling MIL 'disgusting'. For a start it's SIL not MIL, MIL could be blissfully unaware. Not her fault her daughter is a bit rude. She probably knows nothing about it.

Im sure there's been wires crossed somewhere. Why don't you ring SIL up to clarify? Everyone shouting on here is a bit premature isn't it? When we don't actually know what's going on? Best to make sure of the situation before doing anything.

Even if it is true, I think calling this situation 'disgusting' is an over reaction. It's bad (if true) and says more about them than you, but disgusting is a strong feeling

"Husband if you think that attending this party without the family is the option that will cause you the least amount of grief you are sorely, sorely mistaken".

To not be invited sounds like a blessing to be honest! Do something lovely for the day and forget about MIL!

If your MIL genuinely doesnt know about this, she might actually be really upset not to have her grandchildren present. I think your DH needs to have a proper talk with his sister.

DH shouldn’t be going without you

Any decent man would not be going. What sort of husband allows their family to behave towards their wife this way. I am utterly appalled by him TBH.

I am so sorry you and your DCs are being treated this way. I can't imagine ever speaking to my parents again if they did that at xmas. Did your H go to Christmas dinner with them or stay with you?