AIBU?
Duck90 · 21/10/2018 00:55
Kids were poorly over a week before so we said 'can we let you know nearer the day as dont want to bring germs down'
To me this sounds poor on your side. If you are referring to colds then the kids would be fine by event. “Germs” would have gone by that time, compared to turning up at the start of a bug.
NonaGrey · 21/10/2018 01:06
I’m sorry OP I just can’t imagine how the conversation between your DP and his sister went.
She said “you are invited to Mum’s 80th but not Aroom or the kids” 
Why wouldn’t he immediately say “why not? Of course they should be included”
It’s very odd. I just can’t imagine either DH it myself agreeing to go to a family celebrate alone.
We have done of course if school/work/sickness got in the way of the function but everyone was invited.
It’s quite odd.
PennyArcade · 21/10/2018 01:07
I can't think of a single reason why anyone would invite only one member of a family to a birthday celebration. But in this instance I would count it as a blessing. I wouldn't want to make a 300 mile journey for a family gathering, where I wouldn't be welcome. My teenagers would rather stick pins in their eyes than attend an 80th birthday party, with family members who, obviously, don't want them there.
Let your DH go. Let the kids have a day out with their friends. Have a day to yourself OP. We all deserve time to relax . 
kateandme · 21/10/2018 01:26
nonagrey god ur so right!if my dad was invited somewhere he would firstly assume " your invited"mean us as a whole so we'd all turn up! but if there was a gentle impression she was just invited him I just cant picture how the heck that would go.
im so sorry op.
it doesn't matter whether he is under her thumb.he should still be on his families side at home and think this is awful.
talk It through with him.you need to sit down and really talk to him.
would your kids be hurt.
depending on what they know of the situ. and how long this has been going on so whether they are in on the "yes listen what they've done now"you can either be honest with them then be there for eacohter knowing it not you lots it them being daft.
or if they would be hurt so you don't want to put granny in bad light etc because they adore her then maybe something like "dads and his sibling are going to spend some time with gran for hr birthday?i don't no.sorry ive no good advice because this is just so off.
kateandme · 21/10/2018 01:32
with people like this you don't take any of it on.this says everything about them and nothing on you.play it by ear with the kids.you can spot if they seem hurt or what they need.
do something fun with them.
but you need to q your dh.but id be telling me dad if this was us he should not be going and is being a nob for even thinking of going without my mum never mind us.
MarilynsDressOnAVent · 21/10/2018 01:38
In situations like this I would tell the children the truth. At 11 and 14 I think they have the right to be able to choose whether they want to have anything to do with an aunt (or grandma too if she does know about it) who doesn't give a shit about them and purposely excludes them.
As for your DH? I would be having serious words with him. How dare he not stand up for his wife and children! What a spineless piece of work.
klondike555 · 21/10/2018 01:44
hen at 4pm Christmas eve as we loaded a 6 and 4 year old into the car for a long journey - we got a phone call - sorry, no longer convenient, realised not enough seating
This is the point at which those people would've been dead to me for evermore.
Re the party - your SIL is obviously a disgusting person for even coming up with this idea. But your H is equally disgusting for not standing up for his wife and children and setting his sister right on a few things. They're obviously cut very much from the same cloth to think this is okay.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/10/2018 02:06
I feel for your kids, how awful for them to realise how little they are valued by their relatives :(
But they've probably already started to realise that.
And, tbh, it sounds a bit of a shit party for an 11yo and a 14yo to go to.
So I think you need to turn it into a positive - let your H fuck off to his miserable-arse relatives and their shit party, and you take the DC out for the day to do something fun that they'll appreciate. :)
YANBU at all, btw.
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 21/10/2018 05:48
Have you all been explicitly excluded? I would be tempted to all turn up innocently and say 'we just assumed, why wouldn't you invite the dc?' I would actually be even more inclined to have some prior plans for yourself which means you are away for the weekend and sadly dh is on childcare duties - couldn't leave 11 and 14yr old alone all weekend. It is possibly you they want to exclude if you all don't get on but thought that sounds even ruder. Does dh want to go? Can present it as either dh and dc come that weekend or you all come and do something different another weekend.
ToesInWater · 21/10/2018 05:57
Have I got it right in thinking it is a birthday lunch for ten people rather than an actual party? I think it is a bit odd as to me family is family but, tbh the bit I struggle with most is the fact that you are not invited. You can explain the "adults only" thing but it is incredibly rude to exclude you.
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