To have wondered how to answer my Niece?!

[forwhatyouare]

She's 7.

We were talking about Christmas and one of the things I said was to remember her Mummy works hard to get her all these presents. She was quick to protect that Santa brought them. I said he does indeed, but Mummy pays for the elves to make the presents and then she pays for the delivery.

She said "Why does she do that? Can't she get them herself from town? And that way I can choose what wrapping paper I actually want? "

Kids, eh?!

SIL now a bit peeved that I've said Santa doesn't pay and give presents from magical kindness. Oops.

Its a simple story that adults seem to have made a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

I was 29 or so before I (indirectly) let it slip that I knew santa wasn't real. He kept bringing me presents, so why not?! grin

A tiny little part of me died when I realised I would have to buy the santa presents for my DD. Despite "knowing" for a long time it was never something said out loud. I was 32!

Ashamed of herself? Goodness me are we going a bit over the top now. It's not such a big deal

We're another household which said parents pay. Our story was that Santa chooses and delivers and then sends us the bill. Like a PP said, it was to manage expectations around cost, and the kids accepted it happily whilst they believed. Only presents from us were Santa presents, presents from friends and family were labelled so they knew who they were from

We also utitlised us paying to explain why their presents weren't wrapped if they talked to friends whose were so nobody got suspicious, we said I was just too stingy to pay the extra for gift wrapping.

I didn't read the whole thread, but I do see the majority of this thread seem to be giving you a hard time over this OP, and I think they are being very unfair on you.
It certainly doesn't sound like you were trying to interfere or mess up the story of Santa for your niece, but was just making a point of how great full she should be because of how hard her mummy is working for her presents.
I tell my DS a similar story to what you told you DN and because I believe it's important he understands the gifts come from actual people and then he can show his gratitude to each person for said gifts.

I also tell him this story because I don't want him to get to school age and start realising that some children get more and some get less no matter behaviour, that may give him the impression Santa must decide some are better or not as good as others when it's actually often down to what parents can or cannot afford instead.

I do think the safest way to go is just not to mention anything about Santa and gifts to young children again, in case you say the wrong thing, but I wouldn't beat yourself up too much, you weren't being malicious and if anything I think the mother is being a bit precious over the situation when in all honesty her daughter has probably already started questioning the validity of Santa anyway because at that age kids discuss their version of Christmas and Santa with each other, and start wondering why everyone else believes something different 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

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Jesus come on people she hasn't committed murder even us adults can be misguided and say the wrong thing. Her niece isn't gonna be traumatised and ffs charo I think you got problems.

Take it from one who knows......Whatever you did or didn't do you'll be judged as having done something 100 times worse than you actually did, whether you meant to, were caught off guard, or any other variation of the story by some members on here because that's ultimately the only reason they post. They twist your words, call you names, label you with unsavoury derogatory diagnoses because they're just plain malicious, and when you retaliate the do it all the more. There are plenty of nice people around but few of them post for fear of being targetted themselves. Just keep this in mind.

Simple thing to say to kids is if you don't believe, Santa won't be calling x

Next time best stick to advising her to help mummy with the cooking on Xmas Day.

Santa makes and pays for something’s. mummies/daddies pay Santa/send things to Santa to look after and we also buy for each other as in picking up cousin presents lol

My oldest doesn’t believe in Santa it the tooth fairy. I simply told him you don’t ruin it for your sisters because if you don’t believe you don’t get. This stemmed from him announcing the tooth fairy didn’t exist but still wanting his pound

YWBVU

For some children, guilt tripping them about "how hard mummy works to pay" would be enough to trigger anxiety.

If I were your sister in law, I:d be really pisded off that you were trying to plant these adult worries in my child's head. I:d be telling you to back off - it is up to me to work to provide for my kids; they shouldn't worry about me just doing my bloody job. Keep your beak out!!!

I love reading all the angst about the big man and Christmas with great fascination. I don't understand why the big secrecy about keeping his existence secret from the kids. I suppose it's because I wasn't brought up in the Christmas tradition so find all this stress fascinating. I do have family and friends who do celebrate so I get gifts for them. But all the effort about keeping fc secret must be stress inducing surely?

What a fuss about nothing. Yes maybe ask the mother what they are telling the child first. Children get very greedy and think all the presents come for free from Santa. Not a good message at all. All parents should be encouraged to be a whole pile more honest with children. It is NOT MAGIC. Children can easily enjoy Christmas and understand that Santa is a nice story. We tell our children a lot of lies thinking we are making the world nicer, eg a grieving child told that Mummy is a star in heaven. They handle loss better with honesty

You could say any story is a lie because someone made it up all the nursery rhymes children's TV films music - none is actually real - but all enjoyed

Oh my word. I actually cannot believe how flamed OP is being here. I'm actually laughing about it.

I always use the rule of 'Don't. Speak. About. Santa.' I figured this when my DSD (then about 8) asked me why I kept saying Santa made the gifts when I'm her eyes it was 'mummy, Daddy and me who buys them, send them to Santa to wrap who then sends them back'.

My other DSD (now 6) believes it's all Santa and mummy and Daddy have nothing to do with it.

Two children, two mums, two completely different stories.

I was also a child once and don't properly remember finding out about Santa. Pretty sure my older brother informed me when I was 5-6 and I kept the secret as didn't want to disappoint my parents! Most definitely did not end my childhood. If anything it made me realise OPs point of the fact my parents worked very hard to give us what we had!

So OP made a mistake, luckily her SIL isn't so pissy as to end their friendship/OPs relationship with her neice over this as by the looks of it many of you would be!!

Christ alive 

Trance - wonderful post.

I know a massively disproportionate number of adults who 'won't lie to their children' to the number of adults who report being scarred for life for discovering Santa is a lie. All I remember is the magic my parents made. Adult life can be sodding awful, and it's great to have had that fleeting chance of magic to enjoy!

I 100% agree that gratitude and financial understanding is something that can and should be taught to children on the other 364 days of the year.

Funnily enough, we had a practice of giving birthday gifts to staff members - all very personally picked by a member of staff who was frantically anxious that they be liked. Everyone sat around watching them open them. Everyone wholeheartedly hated being expected to perform their gratitude for naff gifts. I have no idea why anyone thinks that forced gratitude is beneficial to giver or receiver.