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AIBU?

To have wondered how to answer my Niece?!

217 replies

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 22:25

She's 7.

We were talking about Christmas and one of the things I said was to remember her Mummy works hard to get her all these presents. She was quick to protect that Santa brought them. I said he does indeed, but Mummy pays for the elves to make the presents and then she pays for the delivery.

She said "Why does she do that? Can't she get them herself from town? And that way I can choose what wrapping paper I actually want? "

Kids, eh?!

SIL now a bit peeved that I've said Santa doesn't pay and give presents from magical kindness. Oops.

OP posts:

Report

Ellisandra · 20/10/2018 22:42

It’s not the specific thing that you said that shits on innocence - it’s that you just chucked a great big doubt into the story.
At an age when they start to question (and that’s natural and fine) being given a different story from you will make them realise their new doubts could be right - that somebody is making something up.
Why would you think it’s OK to tell someone else’s child how Xmas works?

Tartsamazeballs · 20/10/2018 22:45

Dick move, OP. Not sure what you expected to get out of the convo. Congrats on becoming the adult version of Loo Girl.

Pinkblanket · 20/10/2018 22:48

Sorry but no, you should have made evasive noises along the lines of 'ask your parents' if you don't know exactly how they explain Christmas to your niece. Not your place.

purpleme12 · 20/10/2018 22:50

I have to say I'd be really pissed off if you did this to mine. I don't know anyone who tells this story about their parent paying and for the delivery etc and yes it is like pp said it's about throwing some doubt in. To me, yes, the magic is important

Rebecca36 · 20/10/2018 22:50

She is getting a bit old to believe in Father Christmas, frankly. I'm surprised the school hasn't put a false stop on that one.

Children do need to know who gives them presents but saying how hard mummy works to provide them is a bit much. Mummy presumably chooses what to buy and for whom

AliMonkey · 20/10/2018 22:52

Problem is that every family has different versions of Father Christmas- in fact that's one reason it always amazes me how long kids believe for as surely if they discussed it they'd work out it was all different.

Both my kids believed for long time - DD worked out about tooth fairy aged 10 when DH woke her up putting coin under pillow and so I explained FC too. I told DS aged 11 as thought he should know before starting secondary - and he wishes I hadn't spoilt the magic.

TwitterQueen1 · 20/10/2018 22:54

Not sure why you're posting OP? You clearly don't give a frog's fart about what you've done and said and what other people think. You're not taking any comments on board and you seem to be just laughing at everyone. Nice - not

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 20/10/2018 22:56

I guess I would have said nothing, as everyone has a different tradition, They all seem to believe at different ages. My 10 year old has finally this year stopped believing, I think but my 8 year old was suspicious 2 years ago!

Redglitter · 20/10/2018 23:00

YWBU very U. People do the whole Santa thing different ways. Contradicting what she's been told is out of order.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 23:03

You should not have said anything. Massively out of order.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/10/2018 23:04

Like a previous poster said, you just don’t talk about the judgemental fucker in red with other people’s children.

It took me months to undo the ridiculous mess school made of my then five year old’s understanding of our family Christmas. There is no blanket theory.

He’s not mentioned it so far this year, but I swear I’ll hit the roof if some dickhead starts spouting shit about writing lists/Santa and elves delivering parental presents/being able to ask for anything you want to him again this year.

Birdsgottafly · 20/10/2018 23:04

""I know quite a few-wait for it-10 year olds that still believed.""

I would feel as though I had let my child down, in terms of understanding how the World works and what shit lives/poverty a lot of people have, at that age.

Critical thinking should be encouraged from a young age.

I do agree that you avoid such conversations.

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 23:07

Not sure why you're posting OP? You clearly don't give a frog's fart about what you've done and said and what other people think. You're not taking any comments on board and you seem to be just laughing at everyone. Nice - not

Within the first few responses I admitted I was being unreasonable and took that as correct. Not sure why you're saying I'm not taking anyone's comments on board!

OP posts:

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 23:09

I told DS aged 11 as thought he should know before starting secondary - and he wishes I hadn't spoilt the magic.

10/11 seems extremely old to believe in Father Christmas! Towards the end of primary school you would've got laughed at, surely...

OP posts:

Josiebloggs · 20/10/2018 23:10

I'm surprised SIL is only a bit peeved. People put an awful lot of time and effort into making christmas magical and its sad when you know they probably won't believe in couple of years so the last few are particularly special and you have potentially ruined that for them. Lots of grovelling and an explanation to DN about how you got it wrong.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/10/2018 23:11

My 11 year old believes. He is autistic, ridiculously intelligent, a scientific knowledge consumer, but a naive soul.

I’m not spoiling the joy he gets from the tiny part of the year where it’s magic for him.

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 23:13

What happens if I choose to tell my own DS (currently a baby but nephews the same age), that he isn't real? Then what?

We always spend Christmas together and small children can't always be trusted to keep it hushed that Santa isn't real, since it's not okay to tell other children that.

What happens to kids who are at a rocky stage of belief that go to school with a child that's always been told the truth/ just doesn't believe anyway??

OP posts:

mummmy2017 · 20/10/2018 23:13

Love it...
You do know at school all the big kids start this month telling the little kids who santa is...
Every year as soon as the Decorations come out in the shops the conversations start in the playground.
If you don't believe me ask your older kids who told them.
Mine had older sister who told our 4 year old...
She is now a late teen, and said searching the house each year for gifts was their fav game...
One year I managed to get the must have gift at half price by accident. A month before Xmas, she knew she had it and then told her friends she was getting it...
Meaning the little darlings went home and informed their own parents it was number one wanted gift...

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 23:16

mummy I continued to 'pretend' Santa was real until I was 8 I liked pretending and putting the pressure on to get all the gifts, I knew if my mum was made aware that I knew full well she had to physically buy and prepare all that stuff, it would be harder to milk the gift list

OP posts:

Charolais · 20/10/2018 23:16

If I were your SIL I'd not allow my daughter alone with you because I don't know what else your going to mouth off about. Maybe one day you'll get a wild hair up your arse to tell her about sex.

sayhelloandwavegoodbye · 20/10/2018 23:17

"10/11 seems extremely old to believe in Father Christmas! Towards the end of primary school you would've got laughed at, surely..."'

Speaking of expecting a 7 year old to grow up how old are YOU exactly?

You are coming across as if because a random Year 6 ruined the magic for you at 7 it's perfectly ok for you - a grown adult - to stick your oar in to another families business.

Utterly spiteful and strange and I don't know you but I do wonder if you are jealous of your SIL relationship with her DD because I can't imagine why you would be so determined to invade it otherwise.

Thesearmsofmine · 20/10/2018 23:18

My 7 nearly 8 year old still believes. I would be fuming with you tbh. It is pretty easy not to get into that kind of conversation with children, if you are unsure what they have been told them just don’t say anything.

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forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 23:18

If I were your SIL I'd not allow my daughter alone with you because I don't know what else your going to mouth off about. Maybe one day you'll get a wild hair up your arse to tell her about sex.

Christ alive. I think we can all agree it was wrong of me to say her mum pays Santa, but this thread seems to be going on like I've said he isn't real to her!

And she should really know about the basics of sex at 8. Children much smaller do. Although not specifically the term 'sex', obviously

OP posts:

sayhelloandwavegoodbye · 20/10/2018 23:19

" I continued to 'pretend' Santa was real until I was 8 I liked pretending and putting the pressure on to get all the gifts, I knew if my mum was made aware that I knew full well she had to physically buy and prepare all that stuff, it would be harder to milk the gift list"

Seriously how old are you? You sound 8 and jealous.

fizzthecat1 · 20/10/2018 23:19

one of the things I said was to remember her Mummy works hard to get her all these presents

Sorry but this is the part that made me 😠

You're trying to make this kid feel guilty because her mum has to "work hard" because she made her OWN decision to have kids and therefore to buy her xmas presents, which is what every other kid in her class will get aswell.

If you think kids should be "greatful" for basic parenting then you really shouldn't be having kids.

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