To have wondered how to answer my Niece?!

[forwhatyouare]

She's 7.

We were talking about Christmas and one of the things I said was to remember her Mummy works hard to get her all these presents. She was quick to protect that Santa brought them. I said he does indeed, but Mummy pays for the elves to make the presents and then she pays for the delivery.

She said "Why does she do that? Can't she get them herself from town? And that way I can choose what wrapping paper I actually want? "

Kids, eh?!

SIL now a bit peeved that I've said Santa doesn't pay and give presents from magical kindness. Oops.

How would an 8 year old see homeless people sleeping outdoors? There are plenty of homeless people in our city but it's only on a very late night or early morning that you can tell people are there overnight.

But the local primaries do collect for food banks.

Don't sweat it OP, it's hardly a big deal. If people don't want others shitting all over [their children's] innocence perhaps they should think twice about lying to their children in the first place.

Everyone does the Santa thing differently. In our house, Santa brings small presents only (a book, a DVD, some sweeties, and a few nick-nacks). He has never brought the main presents - they've always been from the actual real-life person who parted with the cash!

The lesson here is that if you choose to lie to your children about Santa (and I did, although there'll be a bunch of affronted people along in a moment to berate me for accusing them of lying), then you can't expect everyone else to go along with your version. Most children suss out that Santa ain't real because their friends' experiences are different

Agree with @GreenMeerkat - god some people get bored at the weekends! 

OP it’s really not a big deal. If you were my SIL I’d have had a laugh about it and thought to myself that yours is actually a good explanation. My DD was 6 when she stopped believing and I was relieved I didn’t have to lie to her anymore. She still has a go at us about lying when we tell her off for telling lies herself.

@Returnofthesmileybar my three are 11,9 & 5 and they absolutely still believe too - also in Ireland. Life is tough and stressful enough for kids these days - I have no idea why anybody would want to take this magical wonderful time from them.

Ah the Santa thing is one of the worst topics to discuss with kids that are not your own. There are so many different ways that people do it..

DD twigged the santa thing in reception after searching questions about lack of chimneys. She had been asking questions about whether various mostly scary things were real or not so the concept of things in stories not being real was high on her agenda. We more or less admitted it, but also told her in no uncertain terms not to tell her classmates if she didn't think santa was real as some of them did believe and it might make them sad. DS was also suitably cautioned even though older. Both get reminded particularly when we're seeing littler cousins. They haven't let any cats out of bags, they quite enjoy being in on the conspiracy.

One of my DC stopped believing in reception and a few parents moaned about him telling their DC.But if you want to tell your DC lies that's your business but I am buggered if I am going to make my DC lie for you!!

Sounds like you have a sensible SIL, OP. You silly bitch, and then moving on seems an awful lot more measured than some of the responses on this thread.

I have teen dc and young dc that still believe. I have had the chat with my older dc that Christmas and specifically Santa is about the spirit of giving and not expecting anything in return. If they wish to believe in that concept then the spirit of Santa lives for them and they will receive. If they scoff and challenge in public (in front of anyone who might still believe) they clearly do not believe and therefore should not receive. They have all accepted it easily and happily and enjoy assisting in keeping the magic going for their younger siblings. This is my family’s tradition though, I would never, ever interfer in another family’s holiday rituals. That is beyond the pale.

I agree that "sensitive" topics like Santa, babies, religion are absolutely best avoided with other people's children.

Within families I think it's helpful to be aware of what the party line is with other kids, to avoid putting your foot in it.

To be honest I don't think it matters too much if you say something different to your own kids. My DCs were perfectly happy not to give the game away for their younger cousins - I think it made them feel grown up / protective. Plus it's not a bad thing for kids to learn to tolerance for different beliefs.

Sorry, but very unreasonable. Not your place to have any discussion about the logistics of Santa or Christmas. The decision of how it is done or explained is up to her parents. You had no right to interject with your way of having it explained, and I'd be grovelling to SIL, not juts tweely apologising.

They don't need to lie tired, they just need to not answer, and particularly not deliberately go spreading the news. I suggest if asked mine say the same as I did to them, "hmm what do you think", though it's likely if a child is insistently questioning them that child already knows. They have also both decided they don't believe in God and been briefed to be tactful about that.

I think they all work it out for themselves. My GS is also nearly 8. The other day he was looking at a photo of himself and his sister with a shopping-centre Santa. He told me that if he doesn't meet "the real Santa" this coming Christmas he is going to stop believing. I was non-committal on the subject - no doubt he can figure it out for himself.

Hmmm. I never get why you mustn't discuss religion with other people's children, as so many are saying. I think it's good to recognise that beliefs are different. But maybe I'm biased as an RE teacher!

Not your kid, not your place to discuss the big chap with not your kid

And she should really know about the basics of sex at 8. Children much smaller do.

What are you talking about?

It wasn't intentional. People need to get over this, it's not the end of the world. Don't feel bad!

There are so many versions of what Santa does. Santa does it all, Santa adds the finishing touches, Santa adds the magic, shops send your order to the North Pole, elves build, mums and dads pay, Santa pays etc etc - if you weren’t sure which your DN follows in fairness you shouldn’t have commented with that statement.

Is it guilt that has made you post? As you said SIL just called you a silly you know and moved on, but you haven’t moved on and wanted to post?

If she wasn’t bothered about the impact I don’t see why you still would be

The bit where you say your niece is not seven but eight because her birthday is in a week. No she's seven then. You seem to have trouble being honest.
Your comment about milking the gift list makes me think you have been like this for a while.
If you are real of course.

OlennasWimple I've heard of similar, with parents wanting the credit for gifts so they insert something about contributing.

I've been on the receiving end and it can cause the child upset, so for any big stuff I refer young kids back to their parents to avoid any upset or stepping on toes.

Pretty sure my DD9 is suspicious about Santa and the tooth fairy and has discussed with DS6 however when they ask the answer is that it's what you believe in. We still do the tooth fairy thing and the Santa stocking thing
We also have presents that are "from granny and grandpa" so they know there is also the exchange of family gifts
Even though I'm pretty sure at least DD is on the verge of knowing it's not true, the point is going along with the magic for the fun and excitement of it
If I were your SIL who I suspect is now fielding awkward questions I'd be pissed at you for that massively and would probably say you didn't believe so wouldn't be getting any gifts from Santa this year

Wow OP, you are getting a ridiculously hard time on here. Just popped in to give you some  I really don't think what you did was that bad! A bit tactless maybe but you don't deserve the flaming you are getting.

Woops. In my house Father Christmas brings a couple of little stocking fillers, rest are from me and DH, everyone does it differently.

I work in a primary school, I have been asked so many questions about Santa, I hate it because whatever you say there is a fair chance you will be wrong. I go with 'I don't know' or 'maybe you should ask when you write to him'

I don't think it is a failure if a 9yr old still believes. Ds still has a belief in the same way that he would still say that Hogwarts is real, Luke Skywalker was born in a universe far far away or that Middle Earth is out there somewhere. His logical, critical reasoning part of his brain knows that these are inventions of authors/ screenwriters. He has researched the authors etc. He writes stories himself so he knows the ideas come from his mind. However he can also suspend belief and enjoy the stories and make up his own extensions to the stories in the playground. He can imagine 'what if...'. I imagine that if he was really pressed in an exam at school and he had to choose he would say Father Christmas wasn't real as in physically there, but why should I turn around and tell him in a Mr Dursley way that it is all fiction and rubbish?

Incidentally all my children only believe through what others have told them, they have picked up from stories etc. I have never confirmed or denied his existence. For the first few years stockings just appeared then nursery/ other people started dropping thoughts into their minds. Any questions were just reflected back ' well what do you think?' The only 'fact' I have stuck to is that he doesn't bring the big presents so by implication it would only be the stockings from him.

The two who are more into fantasy and imagination believed longer than the other one. Although she enjoys some fiction she is more keen on real life stories and facts.