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Original poster

To have wondered how to answer my Niece?!

217 replies

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 22:25

She's 7.

We were talking about Christmas and one of the things I said was to remember her Mummy works hard to get her all these presents. She was quick to protect that Santa brought them. I said he does indeed, but Mummy pays for the elves to make the presents and then she pays for the delivery.

She said "Why does she do that? Can't she get them herself from town? And that way I can choose what wrapping paper I actually want? "

Kids, eh?!

SIL now a bit peeved that I've said Santa doesn't pay and give presents from magical kindness. Oops.

OP posts:
squiggleirl · 21/10/2018 08:51

Maybe it is an Irish thing that Santa (or Santy) is believed in for much longer.

I think my eldest knows the truth this year (he's 12), but last year he was a firm believer. His sibling (10) queried Santa, but when we didn't rise to informing them of the truth, they gladly let it drop.

Somebody else mentioned the 'Santa bus' earlier. I think, here at least, it's very easy to get kids back on that bus. They may query, but they are very easy to convince to get back on board.

I wonder if there's a greater focus on ensuring kids believe for longer here. All the children in my kid's classes seem to have been told the same thing about the reason for multiple Santas in photos/shopping centres etc - Every now and then, special 'big' elves are born. They are really important because every year Santa is really busy in the run up to Christmas as he has to keep an eye on all the little elves. These big elves go out all around the world to meet boys and girls and collect messages for Santa. That's why they all look different - they're not the 'real' Santa, but they are from his crew.

As for the comment about Mummy paying for presents? I'd not be impressed, but I have heard that before. I'd throw you under the Santa bus in my explanation though - obviously you weren't a very good little girl, and weren't going to get any Santa presents, so your Mummy had to pay for you to get gifts. If you're going to not act with a modicum of cop on, and know when saying less is a good way to go, then tough.

I was 11 when I found out. The thought of my 6 year old 'working it out' and not believing any longer would be a disappointment to me. I see his joy at the 'magic' of everything. The idea that he would be so logical, and such a critical-thinker would not be something I would be happy about at that age.

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:52

You’d be well advised to rethink your explanation for your own child. Because it makes no sense.

We did stocking and one big gift from Santa.

Original poster
forwhatyouare · 21/10/2018 08:54

ftf I'm not sure we will even be going along with Santa to our own child, we will probably say it's just a nice story from the word go

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:55

Fair enough.

But honestly, you’d be more sensible to refer other kids to their parents.

Bin85 · 21/10/2018 08:57

When I was growing up Father Christmas brought the presents in the stocking ( small things) and everything else was labelled and came from our parents or other relatives - much easier

Babdoc · 21/10/2018 09:02

Slightly off topic, but I’m puzzled by parents who say that ALL the presents are from Santa.
Presumably their children don’t write any thank you letters then? Bit of a bummer for all the relatives who actually sent them!
I took the line that stockings only were from Santa. They wrote thank you letters on Boxing Day to everyone else.
Once they were old enough and attending Sunday school, I explained that St Nicholas was a real bishop of Smyrna, who died over a thousand years ago, and used to anonymously throw gold coins through windows to pay for poor girls’ dowries, and the Santa Claus legends came from that.
They were already puzzled by their Dutch cousins, for whom Santa came up the canals on a barge with his black elf, Swart Piet!

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 21/10/2018 09:04

See, I can't help thinking critical thinking (on any subject) should be encouraged and celebrated at any age. And I'd certainly not be getting into declaring to my children that other people obviously hadn't been good and had got no presents. Those sorts of ideas have caused real distress to many real children across the generations and I'd take no part in perpetuating them.

My dc have been clear since forever, I think, that it's us. It's just a lovely thing everyone plays alongith. (But - culture again - here in Germany it's much, much less of a thing, much less riding on it. In most families it's just a nice fiction).

Naveloranges · 21/10/2018 09:08

I can’t really remember what we told our daughter - suffice to say she definitely still believed until the age of 10.

Dollymixture22 · 21/10/2018 09:12

Forwhatyouare as this thread has demonstrated it is very parents right to tell their own children what they want about Christmas and Santa. You overstepped by telling your neice something which might not have been okay with her parents.

Just be aware that if you tell your child there is no such thing as Santa from a very young age she will tell her classmates and their parents might not be happy. Prepare some responses!

pretendingtowork1 · 21/10/2018 09:12

We always spend Christmas together and small children can't always be trusted to keep it hushed that Santa isn't real, since it's not okay to tell other children that

unpleasant kids with a bullying streak maybe can't be trusted - older siblings the world over have kept the secret from their younger sibs, if your son can't be trusted to not tell his cousins after having it explained to him by you then that's very sad.

Cachailleacha · 21/10/2018 09:17

Just be aware that if you tell your child there is no such thing as Santa from a very young age she will tell her classmates and their parents might not be happy. Prepare some responses!
My child was taught to just state what he believed, and that was only when other children or adults brought it up.

suzuki650 · 21/10/2018 09:19

My son last year (4 years old) asked why he had to wait for father Xmas to bring his presents & if I just got them from Sainsbury's he could have them a lot quicker 🤔

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/10/2018 09:21

This thread is hilarious, all the frothing at op, you would think shed made a shit sandwich and fed it to her neiece the way some posters are going on.

Ive just asked my youngest when he stopped believing, he said he was 7 when the older kids at school 'broke his hopes and dreams' then had a good old laugh about it.

Bellatrix14 · 21/10/2018 09:26

If you consciously make a decision to lie to your children then I don’t really think you can be too annoyed when they find out the truth. OP didn’t say anything that she said maliciously, and she didn’t even say Father Christmas wasn’t real! Her SIL can just explain that different families do Christmas in different ways.

On a slightly different note, on the topic of ‘naughty and nice’ lists, which earlier posters have mentioned, especially in the context of it not supporting this idea that parents pay FC for the presents...

Would any of you actually not get your child anything from FC if they’d been naughty in the run up to Christmas, or get them less than their siblings if they’d not been as good? It’s not something I would ever bother threatening children with, because I couldn’t go through with it!

justwantcheesee · 21/10/2018 09:26

I would be peeved too it's totally not your place to be broaching that

Whisky2014 · 21/10/2018 09:28

I dont get the "Santa only delivers the presents" or the "parents pay Santa to make the gifts" what the fuck is the point in that?
The story is Santa has a workshop and elves, they spend all year making the gifts and then Santa flies around the world on his magic sleigh with magic reindeer to deliver all the gifts to kids on his "nice" list.
Why the hell has there been parent to Santa transactions brought in? That's not magical at all! That's just the parents wanting glory which is absolutely pathetic. When the kids grow up they appreciate what their parents did to make Santa special....

rainingcatsanddog · 21/10/2018 09:29

Think you had a really hard time here OP considering that you quickly conceded that you were unreasonable.

I think that some parents get more joy in their kids believing than the child does. It would have been shit if you were the one who made her question things or your SIL had over reacted and gone NC but at least you know now that different families have a different story so not to go there.

My kids were one of the first in their friendship groups to work it out and very reasonably didn't spoil it for their siblings. Many parents on MN seem to see an end to believing in Santa as a sad milestone but it shouldn't be seen as that. My kids saw it as their turn to spread Xmas cheer to kids who were believers and enjoy playing along even though they've known the truth for more years than they were believers.

ItWasntMeItWasIm · 21/10/2018 09:30

I think people are being a bit harsh. Can't SIL just say "Silly Auntie, doesn't realise how Santa works!"

FieryGhoulie · 21/10/2018 09:31

Yabu. I'd be miffed too.

llangennith · 21/10/2018 09:32

I'm 66 but can clearly remember how magical it was to believe in Father Christmas. I didn't question his ability to deliver presents to the whole world overnight I just knew that he did.
I work in a primary school and most of the kids believe unquestioningly in FC till they're over 8. A lot only start questioning his existence in Y6.
My youngest DC decided categorically that there was no FC when she was 6yo. Eventually I told her if she repeated that to her older siblings she wouldn't get any presents: so she kept it to herself😄

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 21/10/2018 09:33

I honestly thought it was the done thing to tell children Santa delivers but mummy and daddy pay?

Nope. Nobody says that.

Actually, yes they do, otherwise how do you explain why some children get lots more from FC than other children?

Weetabixandshreddies · 21/10/2018 09:38

Once you know Santa is a spirit of Christmas not the real thing you get the best part which is keeping it alive for those that do believe.

This is very much our house. Father Christmas is the spirit of Christmas here. It's not about presents it's about caring for others, generosity, not just with money but with our time, sharing, doing good things for others.

We very much keep the spirit, and the magic of Christmas, alive in this house.

Ginseng1 · 21/10/2018 09:42

I guess you know Yabu by now. You just don't interfere in another person's Santa story no matter what u think! a different explanation to the parents plants the seed of doubt r adds to it I guess. My DS 11 asked outright for the first time this year & i told him. I was surprised he lasted this long there were non believers in his class. I asked him if he believed last year he said he suspected but kept quiet. He said he got confirmation as they were reading a book at school is it Ms peregrines school for Peculiar children was it? am in Ireland too they don't start secondary til 12/13 maybe that's why it might go on longer but really depends on the kid too as have friends kids who cottoned on at 7/8.

Original poster
forwhatyouare · 21/10/2018 09:43

I dont get the "Santa only delivers the presents" or the "parents pay Santa to make the gifts" what the fuck is the point in that?
The story is Santa has a workshop and elves, they spend all year making the gifts and then Santa flies around the world on his magic sleigh with magic reindeer to deliver all the gifts to kids on his "nice" list.
Why the hell has there been parent to Santa transactions brought in? That's not magical at all! That's just the parents wanting glory which is absolutely pathetic. When the kids grow up they appreciate what their parents did to make Santa special...

Well, the point in it is that some children far less fortunate don't get half as much. And some children don't get anything at all. Some get everything. Some get above and beyond what my own DC might get.

Do less fortunate children mean they deserve less from Santa? Yes, life is unfair but knowing you haven't got something because it simply isn't affordable is far easier to comprehend and take on the chin than wondering why Santa just never bothered delivering it, surely

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 21/10/2018 09:44

*I honestly thought it was the done thing to tell children Santa delivers but mummy and daddy pay?

Nope. Nobody says that.*

We do with the exception of the stocking presents that Santa brings. Otherwise how do you explain Santa has more of a £100 budget than a £300 one.

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